Sorry it's been a while folks- I've been updating my other stuff and had a case of the dreaded writer's block!

Chapter Four

The world is like an orange, I have found. Get past the tough exterior and you're into a territory of ice- sharp and acidic at the same time, sometimes with a sweet tang. One wrong squeeze and whoosh! Juice in your eye! The most excruciating burning sensation there is, apart from getting kicked in your lower regions, but that hasn't happened to me in a long time, on account of me being dead and not possessing a body…apart from this one.

Anyway, I have decided to start my memoirs a little earlier today-

"Shut up, you ostentatious twit! It's five thirty seven in the morning, and I want to get back to rescuing myself from the pink-"

Yes, a tad too early, but there is nothing like going outside to watch the sun rise. Of course, I can't do this in my mortal body, but the astral view is just the same. A brilliant explosion of orange and red hues, birds singing in the breeze and the sound of music ringing in the hills!

Silence.

OK, the last part is from the Ra-damned musical…shiver…so, so happy…way too happy…I made Ryou burn the small shiny disc Julie Andrews possessed. Ha! Now she is in the Shadows, where she can sing as she pleases, only there will be no one to hear her!

"Look, you clueless Yami, just shut up and go back to sleep. Why can't you be normal like the others?" Ryou's shadows falls across my soul door. There are bags under his eyes and his snowy hair has been tousled into cute…no (!) d-disgusting ringlets!

"One," he says and yawns. "Call it a DVD! Two, it is not possessed by Julie Andrews, and even if it was, wouldn't you want to know what she is doing to your beloved Shadows? Introducing bunny rabbits and rainbows would be interesting, yes, but somehow I don't think it is your style."

I pale. Holy Ra! After a quick dash to my realm I see that it is still as gruesome as ever. Ryou was lying then. He will have to pay, but not now.

Anyway, back to my memoirs. I always find that being able to slip out of my body is a very handy attribute, particularly as this allows me to listen in on top secret conversations and the like.

It is really quite simple to take to the astral plane; even you mortals should be able to do this. All you need to do is to enter some sort of trance, not illegal substance induced, mind, just you know, your ordinary tribal trance. After that you should find slipping away a breeze.

But for the rest of you that prefer a more…shall we say secular approach, I would say stick to your poisoning the prime minister or assassinating the president plans. They have probably all been tried and tested before, but here are a few different methods to achieving world domination.

Use genetic engineering to create a flower that produces pollen that causes people to fall into a trance, losing their willpower and enabling you to control them.

If that doesn't work, then create a mutant sheep that sings "Baa-Baa Woolly Sheep" and will multiply like crazy, driving everyone insane. The world will be begging you to exterminate them. Or, you can just use them to spread Mad Cow Disease…no…Foot And Mouth Disease…or some biological sickness that kills people. If that doesn't work…then there is always the children…yes…the children!

Yes…muhahahaha! In the next chapter, I shall discuss various ways of obtaining power through the disposal of those that are in charge, i.e. the despised President, or the more notorious dictators. Do not disappear, fellow mind slaves!


Sakina: Whatever Bakura! Who thinks he will actually succeed in his zany schemes?