9: The final test
Magical History was boring and none of them could focus on anything that was said. They were given extra homework to catch up. Potions would have been alright had they not been distracted by their own thoughts. As it was, they managed, instead of creating a wart-reducing potion, to make one that made the taster's ears grow abnormally large, and another that sparked so dangerously, no one dared to taste it. They were told to study the theory after class and to make another by the end of the lesson.
James tried, he really did, but a Sirius who couldn't seem to keep his mind on anything and kept glancing over at Remus without trying to look like he was doing it, was not a Sirius that was very useful for measuring delicate amounts of powder or chopping roots into fine slivers. The potion went yellow instead of green. With a sigh of resignation, he sank back in his chair.
"Sirius!" he moaned. "I'm begging you, please, please, just go and say it. Say you're sorry and get it over with." Sirius didn't answer.
"Hey! Sirius!" Sirius didn't look James in the eye. He kept on chopping up the root without looking at it.
"I can't."
"Why on earth not?" he sighed. "Look, stop cutting that up. You're going to stick yourself any minute now. Why can't you talk to him?"
"Think what I've done, James. Think about it. I've betrayed him. I've betrayed every scrap of trust he ever had in me. If I were him I wouldn't forgive me and I can't even forgive myself. I put their lives in danger, James! His and Snape's, for no better reason than I lost my temper. How can I even look at him, let alone talk to him"
"You know, right now I'm not even sure he cares about that," James said, glancing over at Remus. The boy was working with Peter but seemed to be just as preoccupied as Sirius was. He was probably still worrying about facing the Boggart. He was so desperate for it to go well and James knew that he still wasn't sure what he was going to do with it.
"He just wants to talk to you. To make sure you're okay."
"Why?"
"I don't know. He's just like that, isn't he. He worries about everything and everybody."
"And with good reason," snapped Sirius. "Look, don't lecture me, James. I will sort this out. I just need to do it my own way and in my own time." He took up the knife again and began chopping with a vengeance. James gave up. There was no talking to Sirius when he was like this. He decided to turn his attention to Remus instead. He even pretended not to notice when Sirius finally sliced himself with the root knife. Sirius was sent off to get the cut seen to and James finally got to finish that potion properly. He cared about his friends a lot but sometimes they were just too stubborn for their own good. Besides, it meant he got some thinking time to himself. He wondered what would happen if Remus couldn't change the Boggart. He already thought he knew what form it would take for him and he reckoned he could cope as long as he kept his head and remembered it wasn't the real thing. But could Remus? And what would it do for Sirius and Peter? Boggarts were revealing creatures who could find your very worst fear. Everyone in that class would learn something intimate and secret about everyone else. He only hoped that they wouldn't find out more about Remus than was really necessary.
"Now then everyone! Who can tell me about Boggarts? You there, Sharpe, what is a Boggart?"
They were all standing in a large room with a closed wardrobe at the front. It was rocking back and forth in rather a disturbing way. As Sharpe gave his answer, James leaned over to Remus who was standing stiffly, a little pale but with his face set and determined.
"Are you ready?"
"I have to be. You?"
"I think so. The waiting is definitely the worst part. You know it's in there and you don't want to face it until you really have to."
"I guess we have to now."
"You there, at the back, less talking please! Lupin. Tell me now, what is the main advantage we have over the Boggart, bearing in mind that we are here as a class." Remus broke off the conversation to answer.
"There's so many of us here that it might get confused. It won't know whose fear to turn into first."
"Good, good. Now everyone, if you will please take out your wands, I will show you the correct pronunciation of the counter-spell. It can be a little tricky if you are only hearing it for the first time. Repeat after me. Wand out, Hawkins! You won't do much good otherwise."
They all chanted 'Riddikulus' when the professor told them to and then shoved and hustled themselves into some semblance of a queue. James deliberately stepped forward in front of Sirius to force him back nearer to Remus, who was last out of the four of them, but then Peter stepped into third place and either couldn't hear or ignored James hissing at him. James sighed in exasperation and left his place to duck behind Remus instead. He was going to get these two to talk if it killed him, even if it meant grabbing them both and banging their heads together.
They watched in surprise and amusement as the students each took their turns, turning the hair of a Medusa to a pink frizzy perm, making the fangs of a vampire turn round and stick themselves up his nose. The Slytherin girl who had strayed too close to the Whomping Willow three years ago managed to turn its branches into large waving feather boas that wound happily round her legs.
"Mister Valerium!"
"Mister Kane!"
"Miss Frost!" They went on and on, each meeting with success against the Boggart and going to stand at the sides of the room and watch everyone else have a go.
"Mister Black!"
Sirius stepped up in front of the cupboard, wand at the ready. It'll be a scorpion, he reasoned. I can't stand those. Vaguely wishing he'd thought about it more beforehand, he raised his eyes to meet the Boggart. And stopped dead in his tracks, the words caught in his throat.
The entire class gasped. No one else had got anything like this. On the floor in front of Sirius lay a body, the faint glow of a recently cast spell hovering over it in a pulsing red light. The body was dead, that was easy to see from the sickly tinge on the face and hands. It was a body with a face he knew well. Sensible and open, with a mop of light brown hair.
"Oh Merlin," breathed James and Remus drew in a sharp breath.
"Quickly, Mister Black!" cried the professor. Reluctantly Sirius raised his wand.
"Riddikulus," he said, but there was fear in his voice and the Boggart took no notice. It only swelled until Remus' dead body filled all of Sirius' vision, taunting him. What he could have done, what he nearly did, what if he did it again? "Riddikulus!" he tried again in desperation. Again, nothing happened. Sirius tried again and again, anger and fear fuelling him on, until the teacher finally shook his head.
"Go and sit down, Mister Black. We'll need to work on this at a later date, I can see." There was a faint tittering among the class as Sirius stepped aside. They had never seen him fail so spectacularly at anything before. James caught his arm as he walked past, a distraught expression on his face.
"Hey, don't worry about it, alright?" But Sirius didn't even look at him. His eyes went straight to Remus, who was looking calmly back.
"Mister Pettigrew!" As Peter stepped forwards and Sirius went to the back of the classroom to join the others, Remus nodded slowly to himself.
"Moony?" James asked.
"Nothing," said Remus lightly, watching in interest as Peter managed to tie a large green snake into a number of rather attractive knots with a squeaky "Riddikulus!" that sounded anything but confident. Surprisingly, once Peter had stepped back, the Boggart reverted back to the image of his own dead body again, as if it wasn't done feeding on Sirius' fear yet.
"Mister Lupin! Your turn!"
James held his breath as Remus stepped forward, a thoughtful expression on his face. Thoughtful and apprehensive, but not fearful. It was a little strange, seeing Remus appear to walk up to his own dead body and he regarded it with distrust for a few moments before it finished basking in Sirius' fear and turned to face this new adversary. Pop! Just as predicted, the Boggart became a large round full moon, with small clouds drifting aimlessly across its surface. Remus surveyed it for a few seconds with a tight face. James knew this was hard for him; he could actually see Remus' lips moving as he calmed himself down, telling himself that he wasn't going to change now. It wasn't a real moon. He wouldn't hurt anyone this time.
"Hurry up, Mister Lupin. Remember, it feeds on your fear." With a decisive movement Remus raised his wand to point directly at the moon's face and said in a clear, calm voice.
"Riddikulus!" In a flash the moon exploded and parts spread all over the room. For a moment everyone, including James, thought that something had gone horribly wrong; that the moon was going to expand and fill the whole room. But then the pieces began to drift gently down to the floor, shimmering with rainbow shades. James looked up and caught one on his hand. He could see other children doing the same thing.
"Bubbles?" he said, looking over at Remus. The boy shrugged, a wide grin on his face as he looked at what he had created.
"I like bubbles." He blew one away from his face with a smile. "They remind me of my friends." Sirius came up to him, astonishment all over his face as Remus finished his sentence.
"Big round things that make me laugh." He met Sirius' gaze squarely. All round the room the other students were giving in to the urge to chase the bubbles and try to catch them. Everyone was giggling at the trick.
"Thank you," Remus told him.
"For what?"
"For helping me do this. The bubbles, I mean. It worked!" Sirius eyes dropped to the floor with guilt and he fumbled for words.
"Remus," he stuttered. "I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry. I don't know what happened, I just totally lost my head, but you can't even imagine how sorry I am. I know I betrayed you, I broke my promise and I don't see how you can trust me again. And I'm sorry."
Remus played with a bubble, thinking carefully as Sirius continued.
"When the Boggart turned into you - it was you, you know?" Remus nodded. "That was my biggest fear and I didn't even know it! Even though you came out all right that time what if next time someone does get hurt, and it's my fault? I know an apology isn't enough and what's done is done, but… Well, I am…" he finished. Remus thought about it, and then put out a hand to Sirius. His friend took it and they shook, both breathing sighs of relief in the shower of bubbles that were still drifting down like confetti.
"Okay?" said Remus tentatively.
"Okay!" Sirius replied, beginning to smile properly for the first time in days.
"It'll take a while," he added.
"I know. Take your time."
James came over to join them, a grin on his face too.
"Are you two finally sorted?"
"I think so," said Remus. "We're getting there." James collapsed in a chair. "Oh thank Merlin! I was beginning to think you'd become a mute, Sirius. And you didn't even need to say anything. The Boggart did all the talking for you."
"Yeah, I guess so," Sirius mused, before turning to Remus again. "So these bubbles, Moony? What's all this about?" he teased. "You're not three years old, you know." Remus laughed aloud, and all the bubbles vanished as the Boggart was defeated by the sound.
"Hey!" James exclaimed suddenly. "I didn't get a go!"
"Next time, James. Next time," Sirius assured him. The acceptance of his apology seemed to have brought him bouncing right back.
James smiled too. Remus was right, it would take a while to rebuild his trust in Sirius but at least they had made a start. Suddenly he had a flash of inspiration. Sirius and Remus saw the mischievous glint appear in his eyes, sending shivers down their spines.
"What?"
"I have just had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea," said James, grinning like a maniac. "It'll mean we can visit you Remus, and maybe protect you from worms like Snape."
"No! I told you, James. It's too dangerous for you to-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know about that. But a werewolf won't attack other animals, will it?"
"Um… no, not unless it's really hungry. They prefer," he shuddered, "humans when they can get them. But why-"
"Peter, Sirius," James carried on, turning to them, "how would you feel about becoming Animagi!"
There was a dead silence.
"What? You're kidding aren't you?" whimpered Peter. A slow grin worked its way around Sirius' face.
"You're not, are you. You are deadly serious! That's great James!"
"MISTER BLACK! Could you please keep your comments to yourself until the end of class!" The teacher had finally managed to get the class back into some sort of order after the bubbles had vanished and was eager to get on with the lesson.
"Sorry sir," Sirius said, before leaning in towards the others again.
"We'll talk about it later," James said. They all nodded and attended to the lesson again. Or at least they tried. James was far too distracted trying to work out the logistics of his plan. They would need research, lots and lots of research, and he knew that Animagi were supposed to be registered. They would have to find a way to dodge that; no one would be happy if they knew that three underage wizards had tried such an advanced spell. But it could work, it would work, he was sure of it.
On his right he could hear Remus muttering to himself "Here we go again," but he sounded almost happy. His vanishing tricks had been the only thing holding up the friendship of the four, but now they would all be in it together. And maybe understand him that bit more that he'd never experienced.
And it would change everything. Remus could relax a little about escaping, as they could keep him in line. James was already imagining himself as an elephant, although it struck him as an impractical choice.
They would have their own secrets to keep, which would give them even more reason to protect each other.
And, of course, the possibilities for pranks were endless.
He grinned again, resulting in the teacher wanting to know exactly what he thought was so funny about the natural habitats of the Boggarts.
He kept his comments to himself for once, but still smiled inside.
This was going to be fun!
