Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Note: Thanks for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated. I don't really have a beta, so it may be a little rough, although I did proofread it several times, but enough of this, on with the story!
Pete walked into Mr. Kent's room, and put his hand on Mrs. Kent's shoulder; she looked up and gave him a weak smile, which Pete returned. Mrs. Kent stood up, and walked over towards Pete. He put his arms around her, and let her cry onto his shirt. As they walked to the door, Mrs. Kent looked at her husband, one last time, then turned and walked out with Pete. Lana and Chloe were waiting outside the door and they both came up to hug Mrs. Kent.
Pete took Mrs. Kent home, and Lana took Chloe home. Then she decided there was one place that she could go to find peace.
"I'm gonna go to the Talon." Lana said to Chloe, as Chloe got out of the car.
"You want me to come with you?"
"No, it's alright." Chloe understood what Lana meant, she needed to be alone.
Lana drove to the Talon, all the while thinking this must be a dream.
As soon as she walked into the Talon, she felt herself begin to relax; she made a pot of coffee, and sat down on one of the couches. She couldn't help but think of what a great day this had started out to be; she had gotten up early, and gone out for a ride on Donatello. Then she came to work at the Talon. Work wasn't especially great, but she got to talk to Clark, and even though he wasn't back to his normal cheerful self, he wasn't nearly as depressed as he had been. He had only stopped by to pick up some coffee for him and his mom, but ended up staying a while to talk. They talked about anything and everything, she thought it was good for him to get his mind off of his dad. Though, mainly they talked about graduation; and how much they were looking forward to the summer. Then Clark left, and Lana got off of work an hour later. She went to go talk to her parents and spent a pleasant time talking and getting things off of her chest. When she got home, she sat down to a nice book on the couch, then Chloe had come home, they had chatted for a while too.
Lana got up to get a blanket and put her mug away, and then curled back up on the couch; before long, her eyes were shut, and she was dreaming peacefully.
RING
Lana woke up with a jolt, she looked around, at first she was confused, then she remembered that she had gone to the Talon.
RING
She got up slowly and looked at her watch; it read 3:30am. She picked up the phone, she was curious about who would be calling her this late.
"Hello?"
"Lana? It's Chloe; I tried calling your cell but it was off or something, so I figured that since you didn't come home, you would still be at the Talon.
"Oh yeah, my battery died, sorry. What did you need?"
"Mrs. Kent called a few minutes ago. Clark hasn't come home and she was getting worried. Did Clark come by there?"
"No, I haven't seen him since he left the hospital. I'll go look for him."
"Alright, call me if you find him."
"Okay, bye"
Lana picked up her coat and keys and ran out of the Talon to her car.
Clark had been running for three hours straight. He hadn't even broken a sweat, much less begun to feel tired. He was trying to test himself, see how long he could last, but when he noticed how dark it had gotten, he decided to stop. He stopped in a forest; it was dark out, so no one could see him. He also realized that he was far away enough from any town that no one could hear him. He stared at a tree, feeling a rage that he had never experienced before. He ran at it, sprinting at full speed, when he made contact, there was an earsplitting crack; the tree shattered on impact, but Clark felt no pain. He didn't really know why, but it made him feel better. He turned and swung his fist at another tree, another crack was heard, and the tree was splintered. Clark realized why this felt so good to him, he was angry, and this was an outlet for his anger. He was angry at the doctors for not saving his father, he was angry at Jor-el for weakening his father's heart, he was angry at his father for leaving him, but most of all Clark was angry at himself for allowing his father to die. Then the guilt hit him, this was all his fault, his father wouldn't have ever had to make a deal with Jor-el if Clark hadn't run away.
Clark stopped his fist right before it collided with another tree, he looked at his hand, then at the two trees he had demolished, and then back at his hand. He was scaring himself, he had never been this angry before, and even if he had been angry, he had never taken out his anger. He couldn't believe what he was doing. Before he got farther out of control, he turned and ran back home.
When he got to the driveway to his house, he slowed down to a jog, the lights in the house were off, he didn't want to wake his mother, so he went up to the loft. He sat down in the corner not really thinking about anything. He just sat there and stared out into the barn.
Lana drove up to the Kent's house; the lights were on, so that meant Martha was still awake. She had driven all over Smallville looking for Clark, but could not find him. The one place she hadn't looked was his loft. As she walked up the stairs, she looked around, everything seemed to be in place except for Clark; she didn't see him anywhere. Right as she was about to head back down the stairs, she heard a noise, it wasn't very loud, but she still heard it. There was another rustle in the far corner of the loft, and as her eyes adjusted to the dark, she made out a shape. She walked up closer to it, and realized it was Clark, with his legs tucked up to his chest, his arms on his knees, and his face in his arms.
"Clark? Is that you?"
Clark looked up; he hadn't realized that someone was in the loft with him. He looked around and his eyes met Lana's.
"Lana…what are you doing here?"
"Your mom called Chloe, about 45 minutes ago, she couldn't find you, and since Chloe's car is in the shop, Chloe called me. Are you alright?
"I'm fine." She looked at him, and could tell that he was holding back, she saw the tears that were threatening to come out, but he blinked them back before they spilled. She walked up and slid down to sit next to him. Lana gazed into Clark's eyes. She didn't see the usual warmth and strength, but instead, she saw fear, uncertainty, and something else that she couldn't make out. She realized that for all the man Clark looked, he was still a boy, who was scared and lost without the guidance and love of his father.
"Clark, you can't keep this in, you have to let out your feelings. If you keep them locked up you'll never be able to live. You have to let the people that love you, help you. Let us be there for you, let me be there for you." She whispered the last part.
His voice quivered as he whispered, "I can't, I have to be strong for my mom; she needs me to be strong for her, more than I need to let my feelings go."
"Then let me be strong for you." She stood up, and held out her hands, waiting for him to take them. He took her hands lightly, and she pulled him up; then led him over to the couch. In the moonlight from the window, she noticed his appearance. He still had the same clothes on, his hair was messy, like it had been blown in the wind, and his eyes were glistening with the tears he fought to hold in. He had large dark bags under his eyes and his face was pale.
"Clark when was the last time you got some sleep?"
"I dunno….2, maybe 3 days?"
"Oh my god, Clark, you must be really tired."
"I'm okay." He looked down at his hands which she still held. She let go of one of his hands, and tilted his head towards her, so that she could look into his eyes. He was still fighting hard to stay strong for her, to show no emotion, but she could always tell how Clark felt by his eyes. They were filed with mixed emotions, anger, sadness, loneliness, and…guilt? Only Clark could feel guilty for a naturally caused death.
She dropped his other hand, but wrapped her arms around him. He was surprised by the gesture, and at first tensed up, but started to soften as he got used to the feeling of the contact. He slowly circled his arms around her, and put his head on her shoulder. He breathed in her scent, and it seemed to calm him. He let his guard down, but by doing so, he let a tear fall.
Lana felt a wet drop on her shoulder; she lifted her head slightly and tried to soothe him by rubbing small circles on his back. He realized that he could no longer hold in his emotions, and that, that one tear had opened the flood gates. Tears were now freely falling, and before long he started to cry softly. Eventually Lana could feel the sobs that racked his body; she decided that it was best to just hold him and comfort him.
The guilt was killing him, he had killed his father. All of the stress his secret had put on his father by having to keep the secret, secret. He ran away, and forced him to make a deal with Jor-el which eventually caused the initial heart problems. He couldn't help but mutter, "It's all my fault."
Lana lifted her head and pulled away keeping her hands on his shoulders. Clark was confused by the sudden change in position, but she looked at him and softly wiped the lingering tears.
"Clark, this was not your fault, you didn't do this to your father." She spoke in a soothing manner, but Clark jumped up to his feet and started pacing. This action startled Lana.
"No! This was my fault. And then I couldn't even do anything for him."
"Clark, not everything is your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty for something you couldn't control." Lana stood up and walked over to Clark who was standing with his head down by the window, and put her hand on his shoulder.
"You can't blame yourself for what happened to him." Lana couldn't understand why Clark felt so guilty for his father's death, but then again she rarely understood him.
Clark was getting mad; he couldn't explain himself without exposing his secret.
"I can't tell you why, but it's just all my fault! Everything is!"
"Clark-" but Clark cut her off. He began to ramble.
"If my dad hadn't been so stressed about keeping my secret, and if he hadn't made that deal for me, his heart would have been fine. Lana, everything is my fault, your parents, Lex, Pete getting beat up, my dad dieing, and all those times that you've been hurt…"
"Clark what are you talking about? How could all of that possibly be your fault?"
What does his secret have to do with this?
"It just is!" Lana could tell that he was getting angry, so she decided to avoid that argument for right now.
"Look Clark, I don't know what you're talking about, but I think you just need to calm down, then we can talk some more. C'mon. Why don't you lie down and rest." She took his hand and led him over to the couch; then she got up to leave.
"Wait," She stopped and looked at him. "I—I don't…want to be alone…" She looked into his eyes, and again she saw the scared little boy that was afraid to be left alone in the dark. She walked back over to the couch and sat down, then threw a blanket over him as he laid his head in her lap. She looked down at him and tenderly brushed his hair out of his face.
"I'm sorry, Lana. I'm so sorry." He started to cry softly again.
"Shh, Clark its okay, everything's going to be okay, shh." She whispered soothingly to him. This seemed to work, as he calmed down and stopped crying; within minutes he was asleep. Lana laid her head back and her eyes started to close as well.
