A/N: Oh my gosh! I forgot the disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR, except for Billie Joe. HE IS MINE!

The diary of Ronald Weasly By: Ronald Weasly Chapter 1

September 1st

Wow! I can't believe I am going to a magic school! The only problem is I can't take electronics, so I can't listen to my cool new CD's I got for my birthday. I particularly like that muggle band Green day. I love their I-don't-care attitude. I should follow their example sometime. Wow! I can't believe that nobody else has a diary like me. I've asked all of the first years and the only other person so far was a stuck-up jerk. But he was hott to be so stuck-up, and he's rich! I just re-read that sentence. I think I might burn this page. Well, I have to go vomit. See you when I confirm that I am not a queer.

Hello, back again! This train really stinks. I think somebody let off a dung bomb. No wait. That was just me. Sorry guys! Well, seeing as how we have to get in the water, I think I will put you away so you won't get wet.

Oh my good golly gee. I think I might vomit again. We have to get sorted now. Urrgh, I feel sick. It must be weird for the others to see me scribbling away in my diary while I am standing to be sorted. Wait. That hottie is writing in his diary too. Eew I did it again!

The hat is telling me to stop writing in my diary, but I can't help it. I feel like defying it. Oh wow. I made it into Slytherin. I'm the first in my family. I'm so happy! Oh, I'm crying I'm so happy. Fred and George are looking shocked. I hope they don't murder me.

Now we are all sorted out. I will tell you who is all in my house. There is a guy named Dean, Seamus, me, Malfoy (That's the hottie's name! Aargh, I have to stop that!), Harry, and a guy who is invisible and nameless.
The girls are a girl named Tommie, Felicia, Athena, Dot, Chloe, and Victoria. They're sextuplets. I think they are all clones of Tommie. I do. I really do. I really really do. I really really real- BANANAS! Oh, sorry, I have a hint of Teret's disease. OH BOY FOOD! I have to go I am freaking starved.

Wow! That was the most magical moment of my young life. I'll give you a play-by-play of it. I was stuffing my face when Tommie spills her pumpkin juice. I offered her mine, even though I had already taken a sip of it. She took it, and we shared it for the rest of the dinner. It was awesome! But then she walked out on the arm of Harry because she says he looks like Billie Joe. So then I cried and Malfoy comforted me. He told me I was beautiful no matter what any girl thinks. Then I remembered I am not gay and told him to bug off. He cried after that. Well, I have to go to bed and dream about Tommie and how pretty she is. Yep. Goodnight.

September 2

Hello again! I had a dream that made me wake up in a cold sweat last night. I dreamt Harry snuck off to talk to Tommie last night and he didn't come back for a long time. The I woke up and realized that his bed was empty! Then I cried and Malfoy tried to comfort me again but I beat the crap out of his lovely, sweet head. Harry had come back by that time and I was mad. Let me tell you what happened.

"You're late," I said to him.

"Is it a crime to get up for a few minutes?" He said back.

"Yes it is. You need to stay away from my girl!" I said back.

"Your girl!" Several voices said at the same time.

With that I fell back onto my bed and drew the hangings around it. I was cursing them under my breath and finally I yawned and fell back asleep.

Today is weird. We have the first week off, and we have waaaay too much leisure time. I bet people think I'm queer because I constantly write in my diary. But I like it. It gives me something to do. Seamus is so weird. He has, like, all of the chicks, the pimp. I wish he would stay away from Tommie. And Harry should, too. How about everybody stays away from her?