Wow, so I haven't up-dated in ever. I haven't updated due to the fact that no one is really reading this, but whatever. I felt like updating, here ya go.
Disclaimer: I'm not- Wait… hang on a sec… OMG! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I'M- Oh… Wait, sorry. I thought I was JK Rowling for a second there. False alarm, I don't own anything.
&HP&
Harry continued walking down the hall at a quick pace. He had been planning on going to his rooms to get his broom for a quick fly before herbology. He had most definitely not expected to wander in and find two of his dorm mates snogging… Well actually that wasn't much of a surprise. Dean and Seamus were like rabbits. But he hadn't expected to find not only them but little innocent Neville in there as well, snogging some middle aged black man that seemed awfully familiar. So Harry opted to forget the flying idea and just head to the greenhouses early while he struggled to erase those terrible images from his mind. He was about to round the corner when he was pulled into a near by abandoned classroom. He stumbled from the quick, unexpected change in direction and fell into one of the old chairs. The door was pushed shut and Harry found himself face-to-face with an unfamiliar face wearing Gryffindor robes.
"Harry mate! You got to help me out here!" The boy whined desperately to Harry. He was fairly tall and was black with a very dark shade of skin and equally black hair. He was slightly overweight and had droopy eyes and big brown lips. Harry raised his eyebrow and starred at him blankly for several moments.
"Eh… I… Well… Wait, who are you?" Harry stuttered out. The boy looked to be his age and was wearing his own house colors but Harry had no recollection of rooming with him in all his years at Hogwarts. In fact he had no recollection of even seeing this boy.
"Oh. Well no… Not really. I was in the third movie. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Directed by Alfonso Courez. I had a smaller role. I was there when Trelawny told you that you were going to die for the first time. When she saw the grim in your cup. Seamus says: 'what's the grin?' and then I respond: 'Not the grin, the grim you idiot. It's the darkest omen in our world. It is an omen of death.' You remember?" Harry starred at him blankly for several moments trying to figure out what on earth he was on about. Who was Alfonso Courez? What was this movie he was talking about? "I was also there in the great hall when Seamus ran in with the paper talking about how Sirius Black was spotted. I said something like: 'He could be any where, trying to catch Sirius Black is like trying to catch smoke. Trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.'" Harry blinked and nodded. Not really remembering but deciding to go with it all the same. "You see… Here's the problem! I'm not in the sodding books! Nor was I in the first two movies! I'm a Gryffindor but I'm not! I can't be a year higher because I'm in all your classes! And the only boys in your year and house are Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron! I can't be Dean because he's there too! Who the hell am I and why do I get so many more lines that characters JK Rowling actually took the time to create?" Harry starred some more but eventually started to answer.
"Well… It can't be that you don't exist at all. We all have an identity. What's you're name?" The boy sighed and sat on the chair next to Harry.
"Mike."
"Mike? Well hello then Mike. And who are you're parents?" The boy looked at Harry and back to the ground.
"I'm the illegal love child of Marilyn Manson and Madame Hooch." There was a pregnant pause as Harry starred at this boy yet again with a look on his face of pure confusion and awkward fear.
"O…k? But wait. You're black- I mean. Never mind. So, you're name is Mike Hooch?" Harry broke off and stopped himself from giggling like an immature five-year-old when he said Mike's full name aloud. When you said it the two names merged together and sounded like… well like something else…(1) "So, what do you need my help for?"
"You help people, Harry. I need you to help me. Do you notice anything about my two lines in the movie?" Harry stopped and thought for several moments before Mike answered his own question. "They're both really morbid! Don't you get it? My parents stressed relationship, my uncertain reality and identity… I'm angry at the world Harry. Oh so Angry." As he finished his sentence he raised his eyes to Harry's with a lost and angsty gleam to them. Harry gasped.
"OH GOD THE ANGST! So much angst! With all of the shit loaded on my by Jo can't you damn fiction writers leave poor wittle me alone!" Harry shrieked and turned to run out the classroom. "Go talk to your mom Mike! Leave me! All I want is fluff damnit!" And with that Harry fled from the room.
&HP&
There we go.
(1) If you didn't get that try to say it aloud yourself. "Mike Hooch." Don't pause between the names. Ask in the review if you still don't get it.
