By Myself

Chapter Nine

Questionable Doubt

"DAMMIT!"

Sands bared his teeth and hissed as the cold liquid fell into his empty eye sockets. He gripped the chair arm like a lifeline between life and death as his knuckles turning white.

"Hold still!" El complained, trying to clean out the area around Sands' eyes… or where they were supposed to be. It had taken him an hour to convince Sands to go along with it, two hours of hearing him complain about it and then another hour to ready him. El was ready to snap.

"That FUCKING stings!" Sands roared, his tolerance for this sort of pain was less then existent.

"Shut up, you big baby." El eye twitched and his hands were not being as gentle as he was before. "You need it cleaned so hold still."

"Well, how can I when it feels like you're burning my face off?" Sands trying his best to wiggle out of El's grip and make a dash for the door, "Ouch!"

El was sure that if he was not completely pissed off about this that he would be laughing at the way Sands was acting. If he did not know any better then he would compare Sands to that of a five-year-old getting one of his cuts cleaned out by his mother. Well, Sands was acting like a child. In fact, he had been acting like a child for the past five days, pouting, whining, complaining and seemingly restless.

"There." El said, pulling away. "Now that wasn't so hard."

Sands slowly sat up and gave a growling pout, if that was possible. He muttered something about stupid Mexicans and then turned to El. "It was."

"If you think so poorly of my handy work, then you should try to do it by yourself next time." El crossed the room and threw away the bloody clothe. There would be no use in trying to salvage the strip of clothe, seeing as it was soaked in blood and alcohol.

Sands snorted and turned his head away. The little drops, of alcohol slowly dripped from his empty sockets down his face, until they made their drop at the bottom of his chin, they reminded El of tears. The sour frown on the agent's face did not detour El's thoughts away from the tear like droplets falling from his face. It made the Agent look much more like a child then anything else. Moreover, El was the mother gently caring for the stubborn boy who refused to listen to anything told to him.

"What do we do now?" Sands questioned, not turning his face towards El, as the action would be useless. His voice did not correspond with the look of tears and the slightly hunched position of his body. However, his voice rarely did sound weak, even if he was so himself.

What should they do? That had been on his mind for a while. El was not so sure that traveling with the ex-CIA agent was the best plan he had ever had. Ever since they started their journey together, traveling across the cities of Mexico, the thought of leaving the Agent behind began to crop up more and more.

El had nothing against the Agent on personal bases. Sands had never done anything directly to harm El. It had been more then that which had El so worried about keeping the Agent around. The fact that Sands had NOT tried to kill him or harm him was starting to take its toll on El, who had expected Sands to try to kill him the first chance he got. Then again, how was the Agent supposed to do such a thing if he could not see? El was a prefect replacement for a seeing eye-dog, as Sands had said to him on more then one occasion.

It was these strange feeling that El had been having ever since he traveled with the Agent that made El want to escape him as fast as he could. No. El had never been one to run, but this was different. He did not feel for the Agent in a way that a man would care for another man, but as a man would care for a brother.

This feeling of wanting to care for him like an older brother would, struck El as something that he never wanted to do. He did not want to care for this man, whose mind would turn even a saint towards Hell! It was not right and El knew it.

"Well?" Sands question again, El jolted out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat in an attempt to cover the gap of time, staring at the Agent.

With a sigh, El spoke. "I think it would be for the better, if we went our separate ways."

There. El had said it. He had finally said what had been on his mind. In addition, all the possibilities of that sentence left with Sands to think of.

Sands sat there in silence, not moving. His breathing was even and did not hitch. It just seemed as if he was thinking about what El had just said. He was being a little too calm in El's opinion. For the fact of that matter was, Sands was close to losing the only real protection he has against all the elements that he had to face. Moreover, his calm demeanor was not showing Sands' distress in the situation.

What would happen if they did separate? Would Sands go back to the US and forget everything that had happened in Mexico? Well, how could he? He did lose his eyes.

This thought lent to another one. Did Sands have a family waiting for him back in the US? El had heard that many Agents who were very cold and tortured inmates at Jail sometimes were family men whose wives knew nothing of their husband's work. Was Sands one of those men, who despite being horrible on the 'job' were dedicated family men?

El's thoughts often led him to his imagination, which had the tendency to overact. He imaged Sands standing, with an apron with 'Kiss the cook' on it, in front of a grill as a beautiful woman stood next to him, wedding ring gleaming in the sunlight. A boy running around a picket fenced yard, playing with a dog with a collar that had the name 'spot' on it.

No. Sands could never be like that. There was no way Sands could do that. To have a family like that waiting for him back in the US like El had seen in some many tourists who came to the cities as if they were museums.

Could Sands have a different type of family waiting for him back home? Like, a mother who worries about her only son who goes off to Mexico for a dangerous mission only to get his eyes torn out. On the other hand, siblings waiting for a letter from their older brother to show any sign that he might be alive.

What if he did have family waiting for him back home and they found out that Sands had his eyes drilled out by a crazy drug lord down in Mexico? Could Sands live with himself after that? Is that why Sands refused to talk about his family or the US? If that was the fact then why had Sands stayed with El instead of return to the US where his family was?

This trail of thoughts was leading to many other roads that El did not wish to travel down today. It was too hot outside and the hotel room was too cheap. It was not wise to drift when a killer was sitting only six feet away from you with a conceal handgun in his pants.

El snapped back into reality. Sands was still sitting there, stone still besides his breathing which remained steady. Apparently, this was not what Sands wanted to hear right now. Perhaps it was too soon to think about splitting up for the Agent. El could stand him a while longer.

Just as El was about to suggest something else because he could not stand to stare at the Agent any longer, Sands turned to El and smirked. "No. I think we're going to stay together for awhile."

At this, El knew Sands was trying to control the situation. He was making demands on El that El had to live up to if he agreed. He would have to take care of the Agent. He would have to be on his toes, making sure no one could harm him in any way. He would most likely have to take on the CIA to keep them away from Sands. In addition, he most likely would die in the process.

Sands would be giving up his loner self and would have to work with El until they agreed to separate or one of them died. He was agreeing to live with El. He was submitting to El's help whenever he needed it. In addition, even if he did not submit to the help, El was sure to force help upon him until he got what he needed. Sands surely knew he would be receiving more of the 'cleanings' by El and they would have to go through all this all over again. However, El smiled.

However, in a strange way, El could not be happier about accepting that offer. Even if it was a chance, just too somehow recap some of his excitement that accompanied such an endeavor

'I guess he does need me.' He thought. El shrugged and said, "I guess that works for me."

I know! It's taken me forever to upload this one. I am VERY sorry for that. I really am. It's just that I was so into writing this chapter to make it exactly what I wanted that I kept re-writing it! Really! Some of you would have LOVED some of the other versions, but I wanted El and Sands to be on agreement and have both of them starting to expect that they want to travel together for a while. I think that makes it a bit more realistic then all of a sudden one of them kisses the other and bam! They're in love! I hope you guys agree with me.