Hello faithful readers! You came back! I knew you would! They said I was crazy, they said it didn't exist, but I knew-er, never mind. Wrong rant, heh heh. Anyhow, I'm so grateful you've returned. I would tip my hat to you, if I were actually wearing a hat. Which I'm not. If you have any suggestions for the fic, please tell me. Thank you. Now heeeeerrrrreees Cartman!

Disclaimer: All I own is this computer, a bologna sandwich, and Pedro the donkey.


"But Maaaaam," Cartman whined, "I don't wanna be a Girl Scout."

"I know sweetie," Ms.Cartman tried to console her son. She had just gotten out of super-hangover mode and had been starting to feel a little better. At least until the phone call had come.

Flashback

Three days after the party, Ms.Cartman is making herself a cup of coffee. The phone rings and Cartman answers it (yes, miracles do happen). "Hello," he says.

"Hello, is Eric Cartman there?" Lez asks.

"Talk to me," Cartman replies.

"Hi Eric! I just called to tell you that your plus-size uniform is ready. You can have your mom pick it up later today." Cartman pauses, confused.

"What the hell do you mean 'uniform'? I didn't order any goddamn uniform," Cartman grumbles into the phone. Lez gets nervous. She had a feeling this was going to happen.

"Your...Girl Scout uniform," she answers slowly. Cartman's eyes go wide. All is quiet for a moment until...

"MOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!" In the kitchen, windows shatter and Ms.Cartman's coffee mug breaks. Car alarms go off outside, and dogs bark.

End Flashback

"Look, Eric, your mom already signed you up and the contract is binding." Lez was trying again to explain that he had no choice. You can't just quit the Girl Scouts.

"Isn't there anything he can do?" Ms.Cartman begged. Lez paused for a moment.

"Well, if his troop wins the Girl Scout Troop of the Year Award, he could quit immediately after that," Lez told her. Cartman's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"And what, pray-tell, is the Girl Scout Troop of the Year Award?" he questioned.

"The Girl Scout Troop of the Year Award, or G.S.T.O.T.Y.A., is an award that goes to five girl scouts for excelling in a variety of girl-scouty things. Such as helping people cross the street, selling cookies, feeding the homeless, that sort of thing. Once a troop wins it, they are all declared Honorary Scout Masters and they each get one thousand dollars. Only Scout Masters can quit the Girl Scouts, since there is no higher position than Scout Master," Lez explained. Cartman stared.

"One th-thousand dollars?" he stuttered. Lez nodded.

"One. Thousand. Dollars. Wow." Cartman was sold. Suddenly, he was struck by an idea. "You said five girl scouts, right?" Cartman asked.

"Yes," Lez answered. Cartman grinned.

"Then I'd like to sign up my four friends. Stan Marsh, Kyle Brofloski, Kenny McKormick, and Butters Scotch." Ms.Cartman gaped at her son.

"Eric, hon, are you sure-," Cartman's pleading face silenced her questions. "Um, yes, please sign them up right away." Lez sighed.

"All right. I take it they want to be on the same troop?" Ms.Cartman smiled and nodded. "Okay then, please print their names and ages on the line. Okay, all set. Now we just need their parents signatures."

"Signatures?" Cartman questioned.

"Yes, they need their parents permission before they can join," Lez answered simply. Ms.Cartman looked down at her son, wondering how in the world he was going to fix this.

"Fine. Mom, let's go get those signatures. And I'm hungry. I want a taco too." He turned back to face Lez. "I'll be back in a few hours and I will have those signatures. I swear I will." And with those final words, Cartman turned on his heel and stormed out of Lez's office, Ms.Cartman close behind. As Cartman and his mother entered the parking lot, and he yelled at her to hurry up and start the car, the mind of Eric Cartman was already thinking up a way to convince his unfortunate friends to actually go threw with this.


So that's chapter two. Probably didn't live up to your expectations, did it? Well, I hope that you at least mildly enjoyed it. Chapter 3 will be posted as soon as I can get it up. Remember, click it or ticket! And review. That would also be good. Adiós!