A/N: Aahh… The joys of school-written fics. Anyway, here's part two of the Jack holiday special! We'll try for twelve chapters, but I somehow think that it might not happen… this year. MUAHAHAHA!


'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship,
Not a pirate was stirring, not even Bo-dip.
The bandanas were hung by the keel with care
In hope that Cap'n Jack would soon be there.

The pirates were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of murder danced in their heads.
And 'Lizabeth in her nighty and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a warm Caribbean nap.

When out on the deck there came such a clatter,
I rose from my snogging to see what was the matter.
Away to the peep hole I flew like a flash
And tore up the planks with one violent slash.

The moon on the chest of the cursed monkey, Jack,
Turned the shiney-ness of the ocean black
When what to my eyes would appear through my glasses,
But a miniature ship, and eight tiny asses.

With a odd-looking driver, with dreds to his back
I knew in a moment it must be Cap'n Jack.
More rapid then monkeys, his donkeys they came
He shouted and yelled and called them by name.

"Now BLACK BEARD! now BONNY! now MORGAN and SELKIRK!
On, BLACK BART! on BONNET! on ROGER and FRAN DIRK!
To the top of the mast! to the top of the hull!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

As fast as a canon the lil ship did fly,
Up past the crow's nest; mount to the sky,
So up to the top as fast as a flit
Cap'n Jack flew with all that toy shit.

And then, with much cursing, I heard on the roof
The clucking and pawing of each donkey hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Then, through the window, Captain Jack did bound.

He was dressed in all vintage from his head to his foot
His face was scratched up and covered in soot.
A bundle of arsenals he had flung on his back
And he looked like a pirate who towns he did sack.

His eyes--how they glinted! His beard--how hairy!
His hat was like leather, his sword--how scary!
His rakish little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,
He looked way too good for midnight, the jerk.

A bottle of rum he held tight in his teeth
He swung around his sword and took off the sheath.
He had a wind-scarred face and dreamy eyes
With a strong upper body and perfect thighs.

He looked me up his down and his tonguedid click
And muttered a word quite like "eunuch."
He smiled all sadly and gave my back a pat
Then opened his bag with stealth like a cat.

He said no more words, but went right to his work,
And filled up the bandanas; then turned with a jerk.
Giving me a nod, he jumped through the glass
And made a dramatic bee-line back to his ass.

Jack jumped in his sleigh and his donkeys took off
Circling the moon like a rabid moth.
But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight:
"LIVE, FROM PORT ROYALE, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"


A/N: Wow, that was harder to write then I thought… Which is why there's a few kinks in it, like Will wearing glasses. I don't want to hear any of it in the reviews… I know I made a oopsie. Anyway, REVIEW!