A/N: (Thank the Gods, I have finally updated) Welcome to chapter 4, and I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on making it this far without spontaneously combusting in disgust at my story! Thanks for all of your reviews. They filled my skull with painful joy! And Pedro (my donkey) is so very happy! Now on to the story!


Disclaimer: Me no own South Park. Me no own any show. Me is so sad.

The boys trudged down the snowy sidewalk, Cartman in the lead, Kyle bringing up the rear. Kyle was taking as long as he could, and this was seriously annoying Cartman.

"Hurry up, Jew," Cartman growled in annoyance. Stan shot Cartman a nasty look.

"Don't call him Jew, ass-master," Stan said. Kyle mumbled a 'yeah' and nodded his head.

All too soon, they were heading up the steps to Kyle's house. They stopped at the door and waited for Kyle to let them in. As Kyle turned the doorknob, he prayed to God that his mother wasn't home. Fate was not with him, and he and his friends watched as Mrs. Brofloski sipped a cup of coffee.

"M-mom," Kyle started. She glanced at him.

"Yes, Kyle?" she asked. He swallowed. This was going to be so embarrassing.

"Um, the guys wanted to know if I could join this club with them," he told her. She had a puzzled look on her face.

"And what club would this be?" she asked him. Kyle started sweating.

"The Girl Scouts," he said quietly. Mrs. Brofloski's eyes went wide. 'Here it comes' thought Kyle.

"No! You most certainly cannot join the Girl Scouts! Think of the example you'd be setting for Ike! Besides, it's for girls!" She paused and whispered to her son. "You're not...gay, are you Kyle?"

Kyle's face went bright red. Behind him, his friends snickered. "No! I'm not gay! And you can join the Girl Scouts if you're a boy! Stan and Cartman did!" Kyle yelled to his mother. She still wasn't convinced.

"I don't care Kyle. You can't join and that's it." Kyle looked down, a defeated look on his face.

"Fine. I won't join." He, Stan, and Kenny started to leave.

"Hey Kyle, lets go play in your room for a while," Cartman said. Kyle didn't like the look in Cartman's eyes, but he agreed nonetheless.

Cartman shut the door and locked it, not wanting to be overheard. His friends were staring suspiciously at him from various spots around Kyle's room.

"Well," Kyle asked, "what's your brilliant plan this time?" Cartman smirked.

"On my way to Stan's house I figured that Kyle's mom wouldn't let him join. Seeing as she's a fucking bitch." Cartman added the last statement just to piss Kyle off, and it worked.

"Don't call my Mom a bitch, Cartman!" He ignored Kyle and continued.

"So before I went to Stan's house, I had my mom drop me off at Jimbo's place. I "borrowed" some of that stuff he gave my mom. We'll slip some of that in her drink and she'll agree to anything." Cartman grinned at his friend's shocked faces.

"You actually think that I'll spike my own mother's drink?" Kyle asked him in disbelief.

"Nope," Cartman said, "that's why I'll do it." Stan thought this over.

"But we'll need a distraction," Stan thought aloud.

Just then, a loud crash was heard as Kyle's bedroom window shattered. Some 6th graders outside had thrown a rock threw the window. Kenny, who had been directly in front of said window, fell to the floor with a sickening 'thunk' as blood poured out of his new head wound. Stan looked at Kyle, who sighed, and took a deep breath.

"OH MY GOD!!! THEY KILLED KENNY!!!" Kyle screamed as loud as he could. Stan followed suit.

"YOU BASTARD!!!" he yelled.

Footsteps were heard as Mrs.Brofloski ran upstairs. As she stood staring in horror at Kenny's dead body, Cartman carefully snuck out of the room and made his way down the stairs. He could hear Mrs.Brofloski's shrieks to get a mop from all the way downstairs. 'Damn,' he thought, 'that bitch can yell'.

Cartman emptied the contents of a small vile into Mrs.Brofloski's coffee mug. Then he swirled the drink around so she couldn't tell that there was anything in it. Satisfied, he quietly went upstairs and back into Kyle's bedroom, just in time to see the rats finishing off Kenny's body.

"Poor, poor Kenny," Cartman said with a fake sigh. Mrs. Brofloski shook her head a few times, trying to forget what she had just witnessed.

"I'm just going to leave now. Kyle, stay away from the window," she said at last. Kyle just nodded as his mom left the room. As soon as she closed the door, the boys ran over to it and pressed their ears against the wood. They heard her walk down the stairs and sit down. Being as quiet as possible, the opened the door and watched in astonishment as she gulped down the drugged drink. They waited for about five minutes, until something happened.

They heard loud laughter and a lamp crash. Cartman grinned. It was working exactly as Jimbo said it would. He motioned for his friends to follow him and they all went downstairs. Mrs. Brofloski kept walking into the wall. There was a dent in it. Next to her, there were a million pieces of an antique lamp that she had knocked over. Kyle was staring at his mother in astonishment. She was acting like a complete idiot. Cartman nudged his shoulder, and Kyle walked up to her.

"M-mom," he started. She stopped and turned around.

"Hello neighbor," she said in a creepy Mr. Rogers way. Kyle gulped.

"Um, we need you to, uh". He felt bad tricking his mom like this. Cartman became frustrated and pushed Kyle over.

"Sign this," he said simply, handing her the paper and pencil. She giggled and scribbled something down. Handing the paper back to Cartman, she proceeded to walk into the wall again.

Cartman checked the paper. Amazingly, she had managed to sign her name. "C'mon, guys. We need to go get drunkie's signature". He was talking, of course, about Kenny's dad. The boys took one last look at Mrs. Brofloski before exiting the house.


Cartman banged on the door as Kenny materialized next to Stan. After a few moments, a tall man who smelled like beer opened the door. He grunted a hello. Cartman was about to say something but Kenny spoke first.

"Sign," Kenny told him. Cartman handed him the paper and pencil. Grunting, he wrote down his name, thrust the paper back into Cartman's hand, and slammed the door in their faces.

"Wow," Stan said, "that was easy". They all nodded in agreement. "So I guess we turn in the signatures now," he said to Cartman. Cartman shuffled his feet.

"Actually," he said with a guilty look on his face, "we need five people." His friends stared at him. Kyle was the first to speak.

"So who did you have in mind for the fifth member?" he asked suspiciously.

"I was kinda gonna ask Butters," he mumbled. Kyle and Stan's mouths dropped open, and Kenny eyes widened.

"Butters? You can't be serious," Stan said.

"Well Butters is gay, so he probably would be the best person," Kyle reasoned.

"Then lets go already. I want to get this over with," Kenny said. Cartman smiled.

"Alright," he said, "lets go."

And with that being said, the boys started their walk to the Scotch's house, where poor, unsuspecting Butters awaited.


Butters hummed to himself as he sketched out a little picture of his family at the beach. He didn't like the beach, with all the crazy lifeguards and mean sharks, but it was a pretty place to draw. Butters loved to draw, and he would every chance he got. He even drew on a schoolbook once, but he had to punish for that, yes siree. He winced at the memory of the door slamming on his fingers. He was jolted out of his pain-induced memories when his mom yelled at him from downstairs.

"Butters! Get down here! Your friends have something they need to tell you!" she yelled.

"Coming, Mom!" he yelled back. After carefully placing his drawing in a blue binder, he left his room and carefully walked downstairs. He didn't want to trip, after all.

He hopped off the last step and turned to go into the living room. He could hear Cartman's voice inside.

"It's a wonderful experience for your son. It teaches responsibility and respect, and all you have to do is sign this paper," Cartman was saying. When Butters walked in his mother smiled at him.

"Guess what sweetie? You're going to be a Girl Scout! You and your little friends are going to be in a troop together! Doesn't that sound fun?" Mrs. Scotch exclaimed in a happy voice.

"G-girl scouts?" he questioned. "The other kids will make fun of me if I'm in the Girl Scouts. I don't wanna join."

"No they won't, we're joining too," Cartman told him. "Besides, your mom already signed you up. You have to join now."

"Well if you guys are joining, I guess I will," mumbled Butters. Mrs. Scotch smiled. She desperately wanted her son out of the house. This was the perfect opportunity.

"Great," she said, "now go do whatever it is you do, and please wipe your feet on the way out." She ushered the boys out of the house, and shut the door behind them. Butters blinked.

"Now what?" he asked. Cartman smirked.

"Now we go tell that bitch to give us our uniforms. Then the real work starts," he said.

"Then lets go," shouted Stan as he started running down the street. Kyle, Kenny, and Butters ran behind him, and Cartman growled in annoyance.

"Wait for me goddammit!" he yelled as he struggled to keep up with his much healthier friends. They quickly ran down the street, leaving the neighbors to wonder what the hell just happened.


For some reason, that took a really long time to write. Sorry for the wait. I've been busy with schoolwork, so send flaming bags of dog shit at my math teachers house, not mine. I also made a web site, since my friend wouldn't shut up until I made one. I'm going to load some South Park images onto it later, so go see it if you want to. It's kinda JTHM themed right now. The link is on me home page. Yes, I do advertise my stuff in stories. I do this because I can. As for the Mr. Rogers thing, he freaks me out, what with the fact that he's on freakin' acid! I mean come on, only a stoned dude would live in a dollhouse with little trains. I'll post chapter five as soon as I can, so don't claw your eyes out in frustration, it will come soon. Until next time, goodbye!