Pointless Noize: Hey people. Sorry for the late update. I had family over for stuff. I ate turkey. It was delicious. As an apology for my lateness I give you this disturbingly short chapter! I suck, I know. So here's the fic…thing.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. If I did, more people would be annoyed with my shitty writing skills.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters paused in front of an office door, as they waited for Cartman to catch his breath. After a few minutes of panting, Stan grew frustrated and kicked him in the shin. Glaring, Cartman opened the door.
Inside, Lez was looking at a magazine and completely oblivious to the five children in front of her. Kenny's eyes bulged and he started giggling in a perverted way when he saw the cover. Lez heard him and, blushing, she quickly shoved it in her desk drawer.
Clearing her throat, she addressed the boys. "Ah, Eric, your back. Did you get the signatures?"
"Yeah, I did, so ha. I told you I'd get them," Cartman said smugly. Lez gritted her teeth. She really didn't like that kid.
"Well then, bring them up." She checked them over and decided that they weren't forged. She glanced at the boys and sized them up. Silently, she stood up and walked over to a closet. She opened it up and pulled out five bright pink uniforms.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman's jaws dropped. Butters', on the other hand, looked at them excitedly. His favorite color was pink, after all.
"You can't be serious," Kyle finally said. Lez just laughed at his shock and tossed over the uniforms.
"There's an empty room down the hall. You can change in there." Butters held his up. He smiles happily.
"Do we get real badges?" he asked her. She nodded her head and he gasped happily.
"You're a total faggot, dude," said an exasperated Stan. He did not want to wear that, although seeing Kyle in it would be funny. Too bad he left his camera at home….Kyle tapped him on his shoulder, jerking him from his thoughts.
After six minutes of opening wrong doors and bothering people, they found an empty room and started to undress. Cartman looked even fatter without his coat, and Stan had a nice bruise from his sister on his chest. Kenny was all scraped up but that was no surprise. Butters had crushed fingers, but that was about it. But Kyle….
"Damn, Jew, do they feed you?" Cartman asked rudely. Kyle blushed and mumbled something. He was really thin. And I mean really, really thin. You could actually see the outline of a few of his ribs.
"Leave him alone, lardass. At least he isn't 60 pounds overweight," Stan yelled at Cartman. Frowning, Cartman zipped up his plus-size uniform, elbowing Butters in the process.
Stan walked over to the large mirror in the room and studied himself. Kenny walked up next to him. Twirling around on one foot, with his shaggy blond hair whipping around, he kind of looked like a girl. Kind of. Butters skipped up next to him. Giggling, he flipped his hair. Cartman joined them, posing for a moment in front of the mirror. The boys weren't aware of how totally gay they all looked.
"Um, guys," came Kyle's voice from the back. "My uniform doesn't fit."
They turned around and struggled not to laugh at him. Kyle's skirt kept sliding down his thin waist, and he had to keep both hands grasped firmly around it to keep it up. Now Stan was really mad that he didn't bring a camera.
"Maybe you should safety pin it, Kyle. Here, use these," Butters suggested. Kenny looked strangely at him.
"You…carry safety pins around?" Butters blinked.
"Y-yeah," he answered. Kenny shook his head.
"Never mind," he replied. Kyle had fished pinning up his skirt, and announced this by shaking around his cute Jewish ass.
"Look, it stays up!" he said happily. Cartman rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. Lets go already. Butters is starting to creep me out." Butters frowned and started mumbling apologies.
"Golly, I'm sorry, Eric. I didn't mean to creep you out. I'll be more careful next time," he apologized, his voice full of guilt. He looked up and realized they all left the room. He let out a squeak and ran out of the room hurriedly, zooming past the other offices in the building. A few people looked out as he dashed by. It wasn't every day a cross-dressing kid ran through the building.
Butters skidded to a halt when he reached Lez's office. He walked in just in time to see Lez hand Cartman a stack of papers. Butters walked up and peeked at the first paper. It was a cookie order form.
Lez told them to go out to the storage area and pick up the cookies. As soon as they got the cookies, they could start selling. They had to sell at least 500 boxes to get a badge.
"That's a lot of cookies," Stan said, stating the obvious. Lez nodded her head.
"I know," she said, "but that's how many you need to sell to be considered for a top cookie-selling award. Last year troop #116 sold 894 boxes of cookies."
"How the hell are we supposed to sell 900 freakin' boxes of cookies?!" Cartman shouted. Lez shrugged.
"Beats me. Now get out of my office, please, I have…stuff…to do. Stuff, yeah." She shoved them out of the room and plopped down into her comfy leather chair. She wrenched open the dresser drawer and pulled out her magazine, giggling like an idiot the whole time.
Outside, Cartman started yelling a few select words, not aware that the authoress was trying to keep the story at a pg-13 rating.
"This sucks. We'll never sell that many cookies!" he screeched. Kenny patted him on the shoulder, trying to calm him down.
"Maybe we can," Kenny told him, "we just have to try. Everyone likes cookies." Cartman growled in annoyance.
"C'mon. Lets go get the boxes from the storage area. Maybe someone there can help us," Kyle said. They all left the area around Lez's office, but not before Cartman gave the door a final kick.
I wonder who they'll sell the cookies to. No, I really do. If you have any ideas of who they should bother, please let me know. They might actually listen. If anyone wants to guess what Lez was reading, I might do something nice if they guess right. Maybe, if I feel like it. Review, and make me a happy lil' camper!
