Pointless Noize: I had momentum to write this, since I got so many nice reviews. I had a hard time deciding who the boys should sell to. But after much thinking and a threatening letter detailing my demise, I have finished this chapter! Thanks for all of your suggestions! There is a lot of Kenny in it and an… interesting twist. So drop all sharp objects and commence reading!

Disclaimer: I don't want the sun, I don't want the moon. I just wish I had South Park, but that won't happen anytime soon. (Rhymes are fun!)


"GET OUT OF HERE!" screeched a man in a cookie loading-dock uniform. Kyle's plan to get someone there to help them didn't exactly work. After Cartman's excessive whining, Butter's "gee wiz's" and "golly's", and a stack of crates falling on Kenny and killing him (gasp!) the workers weren't in a very helpful mood.

The four boys ran out as fast as they could, each carrying an armload of cookie boxes. They could hear the angry workers' screams even as they left the building. Kyle glared at Cartman.

"Nice going fatass. Now what are we supposed to do?" Cartman shrugged.

"We didn't need their help that much, Jew." But it was clear that wasn't what Kyle had meant.

"No, I mean now Kenny's dead and we can't sell unless we're a group of five. Remember?"

"Well than we'll just wait for Kenny to come back. It only takes a couple hours," he replied. Kyle sighed.

"I guess so. I wanted to get an early start though…" Stan interrupted him.

"Let's go to Butters' house. His parents are out and I don't think my Dad wants to see me dressed like this." He gestured to his pink skirt. They all agreed, and headed towards Butters' house, stopping every few feet to prevent Cartman from eating the cookies.


Kenny giggled happily as he shot up and around space, waiting to get to Heaven's entrance. He had died so many times before that the shock had worn off, and now he could enjoy the experience more. Going up to Heaven was way better than falling down to Hell. After helping Satan get rid of Saddam Hussein, he was granted access to Heaven.

He did a summer-salt inmid-air and landed on the soft, cloudy grounds of Heaven. But something wasn't quite right with this picture…

Usually he landed by a bunch of Mormons making things out of egg-cartons. There would be about twenty of them, and they would give him some punch and pie. But where he was now looked nothing like that.

There were about 30 or 40 huge buildings, and a hundred or so smaller ones. Smoke stacks towered over the place, and smoke was quickly billowing out of the top. There were people wearing uniforms rushing in and out of the buildings carrying plans and weapons, and there was one in the center that looked like the main building. But that wasn't the strangest part.

Each building had a giant chocolate chip cookie logo on the front, and as Kenny looked closer, the workers' uniforms did too. Even the weapons had the strange insignia on them. Kenny was so absorbed in trying to figure out what was going on, that he didn't even notice that he stood out like a pizza at a weight-watchers convention. That is, until someone poked him roughly on the shoulder.

He turned around and was met with the face of an extremely angry worker. "What are you doing here Kid? This is no place for children!"

Kenny blinked. "Um, I just landed here, but I'll be going now…" He started to walk away but the man grabbed his arm.

"Oh no you don't. You've seen too much. I have to take you to see the boss. He'll know what to do."

The man dragged Kenny into the main building and into a huge lobby. Kenny looked around and noticed the pretty secretary, but before he could get a good look he was dragged into an elevator. After that it was a right turn on the tenth floor, then a left turn, then through a large metal door with a security code and into a huge boardroom. The boardroom had a long wooden table, and someone was sitting in an expensive looking leather chair at the far end of it. It was turned around, so Kenny couldn't see the face.

The man cleared his throat. "Um, boss," he said, "I found this kid wandering around outside by one of the bomb factories, so I--" He was cut off by the person in the chair.

"So you brought him up here, allowing him to see the inside of the building which, I'll remind you, is top secret?" His voice was high pitched and annoying to hear. It sounded vaguely familiar but Kenny couldn't quite place it. He had heard it somewhere before…

The man shifted uncomfortably next to him. "I, uh, didn't think about that…" he stuttered. His boss snorted.

"Obviously." The man didn't look too happy right now. He was twitching and started apologizing.

"I-I'm sorry! I won't let it happen again! I promise!" A loud sigh could be heard from behind the chair. Kenny had a good idea about what was going to happen.

"No. No it won't happen again. I'm afraid you're going to have to leave now. Guards! Take Mr. Johnson to the torture chambers immediately!" Mr. Johnson screamed as two huge men in gray uniforms (with that stupid logo) came and drug him out of the room. The chair spun around and Kenny's mouth dropped.

Sitting casually in the chair, with one leg crossed and a bored look on his face was none other than Satan's ex-boyfriend, Saddam Hussein. He perked up suddenly when he saw Kenny. Kenny gulped.

"Hey, you're that kid that got me sent up here with all these fucking Mormons. I've been waiting for you to come! I've wanted to punish for the longest time, and you're finally here! Hold on a sec while I go get some weapons—Hey! Why are you wearing a Girl Scout uniform?" Kenny looked down and noticed that he was still wearing that damn outfit. He blushed and looked up.

"I'm, um, a Girl Scout." The room was totally quiet for a few moments until Saddam suddenly burst out laughing.

"No way!" he chocked out between laughs. "What kind ofboy would want to be a Girl Scout?! Are you selling cookies too?! I'll buy some! Hahahahahahaha!!!" Kenny frowned in annoyance. Suddenly, an idea struck him. It was a crazy idea, but it would keep him from walking around town in that uniform, at least for a little while…

"Well now that you mention it, I am selling cookies. Would you be interested in buying any?" he asked sweetly. Saddam stopped laughing and stared at him.

"What did you say?" he asked. Kenny's smile grew wider.

"Well, if you buy some cookies from me, when I go back to Earth, and I always do, I might forget to mention the fact that you're building nuclear weapons in Heaven." He gaped at Kenny, completely shocked at the sudden turn of events.

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

He growled in annoyance. "Fine. How many boxes?"

Kenny thought for a moment. "1,000," he said finally.

Saddam sighed and pulled out a check. He scribbled something down and handed it to Kenny.

"Here's $5,000 dollars. That should cover it. I expect those cookies to be here within a week. Now go away." Kenny smiled happily and slipped the check into his skirt pocket. He skipped out of the room and in about five minutes, a puff of smoke enveloped him as he was revived and sent back to Earth.


So that's chapter six. If you didn't see the episode "Do the handicapped go to Hell?" then you probably had no idea what was going on. I just thought the idea of Kenny outsmarting Saddam Hussein was hilarious. I'm probably going to get flamed for this. Review please! Flames will be used to cook waffles!