Hi everybody and thanks again for all of the reviews. You guys are so great! Here's chapter 3. Some of you aren't going to be too happy with me by the end of it, but I'm hoping you'll stick with me til the end of the story!
Chapter 3: Pushing Past the Pain
9:58pm
Michelle listened as the phone rang once, twice, three times. "Answer, damn it!" she said emphatically to the air.
"Hello," he said in a voice that made her suspect that he had been sleeping.
"Bill, it's Michelle. I hope I didn't wake you."
"Michelle," he said clearly surprised. "Don't worry about it. I guess I fell asleep on the couch. I really should get up and go to bed."
"I won't keep you," she said. "I just wanted to thank you again for being so understanding this morning when I fell apart. You know that I don't usually lose control like that. I'm not sure what came over me but I just lost it."
"Don't apologize. We all have those moments. You were put in a terrible position yesterday. You were forced to take over in the middle of the worst terrorist attack in history. No one should be put in that position. I'm just sorry that it was you that got stuck with it." Bill paused for a moment then added, "For what it's worth, Michelle, you did an incredible job."
"Thank you. I appreciate your vote of confidence. Look, I also called for another reason. I wondered if maybe we could get together for dinner tomorrow night."
"Dinner?"
"I know this is short notice. If you're busy, I understand."
"No, no, I don't have plans. Dinner would be great. I have a meeting with Brad Hammond at 5 o'clock but we should be finished by six. Can I pick you up over at CTU or would you like to meet somewhere?"
"I'm not sure that we want to leave CTU together. We'll be the topic of conversation around every coffee pot in the building within a day. Why don't we just meet at the restaurant? How about 7 o'clock at 'Jillys'?"
"I'm looking forward to it. I'll see you then."
They said their goodbyes and disconnected. Brad set his phone down not sure what to make of the conversation. First, she kissed him this morning; just a friendly kiss, but none the less a kiss, and now she was asking him to dinner. He and Michelle were good friends, so dinner and a kiss on the cheek were not unreasonable. Or was she interested in a relationship? Six months ago she had made it clear that she wasn't interested. She had been very sweet about it and, as he told Tony yesterday, never actually admitted it, but it was clear to him that she still loved Tony. That was six months ago, she could have changed her mind by now.
Bill shook his head. He wasn't sure what Michelle was thinking, but he was going to let her take the lead. He had been crazy about her since he first met her in Seattle when she was still married. He wasn't sure what it was about her, but she took his breath away. She was beautiful, yes, but it was more than that. She was keenly intelligent with a quick and analytical mind. At the same time she was soft and sweet and he was struck by her loyalty to her husband who was in federal prison at the time. When he heard that she was getting a divorce and he had the chance to transfer south to LA, he took the transfer hoping that it would lead to relationship with her.
Loyalty was a trait that Bill respected over most others. He had been married once for a few years to a woman he absolutely worshipped. Unfortunately, he was the only person who didn't realize that she would sleep with virtually anyone if she felt they could ever help her in her pursuit of higher position and authority. When he questioned her faithfulness and loyalty to him, she tried to tell him that this had nothing to do with either. She didn't love those men like she loved him; she simply had sex with them. Bill didn't see it the same way and filed for divorce. That had been almost 15 years ago and he had been unable to commit to any woman since then. He dated occasionally, but the relationships never turned serious. If they did, he found a way to get out of them. He couldn't make himself trust any woman. But Michelle was different. He believed that he could trust Michelle; believed that if he could make her love him that she would be faithful and wouldn't hurt him. He wanted her badly and would do whatever it took to make a relationship with her work.
When Michelle hung up the phone, she was almost as confused as Bill. She wasn't quite sure why she was asking him to dinner or if she wanted a relationship with him. What she did know was that when he was holding her in his arms this morning that she felt safe, safer than she had felt since Tony held her after the shootout in the street with Saunders' men before he was arrested. They were crouched next to a car and Tony's arms were wrapped protectively around her. He kissed her forehead and asked her if she was alright. She nodded to tell him that she was, but she wasn't. She was tired and scared and wanted nothing more than to be magically transported to their bedroom where they could lie together free of the troubles of the rest of the world. Minutes later her world was destroyed when Tony was arrested. The safety of her fairy tale life where she and Tony would live happily ever after was forever shattered.
Bill made her feel safe again. He cared for her, in truth, he probably loved her. She knew that she didn't love him, at least not the way she loved Tony. But a love like that only came along once in a lifetime and she had had her chance. Bill was a good man; a man who would love her and care for her and would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. If he was still interested in a relationship with her, she would do whatever was necessary to make that relationship work.
10:35 pm
Tony dropped onto the couch exhausted after being awake for the past 37 hours. He decided that it was best if he slept on the couch. He suspected that Jen wouldn't bother coming home tonight, but if she did, he didn't want to be sleeping in her bed.
As he lay there he found that for the first time since his arrest 18 months earlier he was actually looking forward to the future. Yesterday had done him a world of good. He had found himself again and realized that he did indeed have worth, value, a skill that others could depend on. He was happy with himself. He regretted wasting the past months drinking and feeling sorry for himself. He greatly regretted what he had done to Jen. He had used her and he knew that was wrong. He had been so drunk most of the time that he didn't realize that she loved him. For him the relationship amounted to little more than a roof over his head and some physical comfort when he was sober enough to feel a desire for sex. Thinking about it now, he cringed. He had never treated a woman that way before. He had never had sex with someone that he had no feelings for just to fulfill his own need. As badly as he felt about his treatment of Jen, he also knew that she was a survivor. She might be down for a while, but she would get up again and move on. He just hoped that the next time she fell in love, that it would be with someone who genuinely loved her back.
5:45am
The sun was barely up but Tony was too excited to sleep any more. He got up ready for his trip to Washington and to start over. The limousine wouldn't be here to pick him up for over two hours and he had to do something with that time or he would go crazy. He decided to get up and go running. He washed his face and brushed his teeth and dressed in a pair of old running shorts and tee shirt. He stretched out and then stepped outside into the cool morning. It was a perfect day for running.
Tony ran up the street and found himself quickly in a groove. He was tired yesterday and hadn't wanted to push himself, but today was different. Today was the start of his new life. He ran hard, breathing deeply and filling his lungs, using muscles that he hadn't used in ages. By the time he got home he was covered with sweat and trying to get his breath. His muscles ached but it all felt great. He made his way to the shower and then shaved and dressed in the clothes he had left out. He went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator filled with beer. He pushed past the beer and pulled out the orange juice. He cooked himself a couple of eggs and some toast and sat at the kitchen table eating them. He couldn't remember the last time he ate breakfast before 10:00 am and when he did it generally consisted of cold pizza and beer.
It was 7:30 and his ride would be here soon. Jen hadn't bothered to come home last night. Tony wrote her a note apologizing again for how he treated her and thanking her for caring for him. He would never forget her, he said and he meant that. She was a sweet girl who needed nothing more than some love and guidance.
At a few minutes to eight Tony heard the limousine pull up out front. He carried his suitcases outside and met the driver on the porch. Together they loaded everything easily into the limousine and left for the airport. It was hard for Tony to believe that virtually everything he owned was in three suitcases and a couple of boxes. It was a sad commentary on his life but that was going to change. He was going to make sure of it.
10:00 am
Michelle sat in the director's office at CTU buried under paperwork. Hammond had already informed her that she would remain acting director until Erin Driscoll was able to return to her post. He had no idea when that would happen, but clearly not for at least a couple of weeks.
Right now she needed to get out from under the paperwork. Not only did she have her own paperwork to complete, but due to Erin Driscoll's unexpected departure, she had Erin's paperwork to finish as well. She was happy to be busy, it kept her mind occupied. So she drank coffee and completed report after report, signed some and sent others back to department heads for clarification or completion. Her phone rang and she answered it absently.
"Michelle, it's Curtis. I just wanted you to know that the Secretary of Defense's plane has left LA airspace. So we've lowered our security level."
"That's fine. Thanks for letting me know."
Michelle minimized the report she was working on and pulled up a secure site. She confirmed that the Secretary of Defense's plane took off from a nearby military base at 9:35 and had indeed cleared LA airspace. She pulled up the passenger manifest and read down the list of names. Antonio Almeida was the last name on the list. She stared at his name and then looked away from the monitor. Tony was on his way to Washington, away from her, out of her life. She quickly blinked back tears and then went back to work. Move on, she told herself. It's time to move on.
7:00 pm
The day had passed pretty uneventfully. Michelle filled out forms and signed reports most of the day. CTU was still interrogating some known Marwan associates that had been captured over the last 48 hours. They were trying to establish the locations of Marwan's various cells and the names of the participants. Marwan had done a good job of keeping the cells discreet from one another but they were able to piece together enough to begin arresting other possible associates. Michelle spent the late afternoon being briefed on the interrogations.
By 6:15 she had had enough. It was time to leave for the day. She said good night to the crew who would work through the night. She stopped and talked to the night shift commander and made sure that he knew how to reach her. As acting director, she had to be available to CTU at all times. She gave him her home phone and cell phone numbers and told him not to hesitate to contact her.
Now she was sitting at the bar in a trendy restaurant that she knew Bill liked. There was about a 30 minute wait for a table so she put her name on the list. A table for two, non-smoking, she told the hostess. Then she sat down at the bar and ordered a margarita, on the rocks with salt, and sipped it while she waited. She had hoped that it would calm her nerves, but so far that wasn't working. It was about ten after seven when Bill finally walked through the door. He quickly found her at the bar and sat down beside her. He loosened his tie and ordered a gin and tonic as soon as the bartender came by.
They asked about each other's day. The nature of their work was so confidential that they couldn't discuss the details in public. So instead, they made awkward small talk. Bill told Michelle that she looked nice. He liked her in green, he told her, it was a good color for her. She thanked him and asked him what he recommended from the menu. The conversation quickly waned but fortunately, their table was ready. As the evening progressed their conversation slowly picked up.
Their server had cleared the dishes and they were waiting for dessert and coffee. "Michelle," Bill started, "I'm thrilled that you wanted to have dinner tonight, but I'm also a little bit confused. When we went out a few months ago, you made it pretty clear that you weren't interested in me. So you can imagine that I was pretty surprised when you called me last night and wanted to go to dinner."
Michelle smiled and looked down. "Bill, I'm sorry about what happened when we last went out. I hope you can understand. My divorce was just finalized at that point. I don't talk much about it, but Tony and I didn't exactly have an amicable divorce. It was pretty ugly. I wasn't ready to jump back into a relationship then."
"I don't want to be too personal, but I got the sense that you still cared for Tony. I got that same sense when you two were together at CTU."
Michelle shook her head. "Whatever my feelings were for Tony in the past, it's over. Having to work next to him at CTU was hard, but I know now that our relationship is over. You and I have quite obviously cared for each other for a long time and I'd like to give a relationship a chance, if you're still interested."
"I'm very interested. I just want to make sure that this is really what you want."
"It is, Bill. I really want to give it a try," she said giving him a reassuring smile.
They finished dessert and left the restaurant hand in hand.
Around the same time that Bill and Michelle were leaving the restaurant, Tony was settling down in Jack's guest room for his first night in Washington. Their flight from LA had been quiet. Jack and Secretary Heller tried to get some work done, but both were clearly distracted. They were both thinking of Audrey, but for different reasons. Jim Heller was worried about his daughter's state of mind. She felt responsible for Paul's death despite everyone's assurance that it wasn't her fault. She was virtually despondent when she got on the plane bound for Australia. Jack was worried about her as well, but his concern also included their future. He wasn't sure that she loved him any more or that she would be interested in continuing their relationship. She had seen a frightening side of Jack and she didn't like it. Jack hoped that she would eventually understand that he did what he did for the good of the country. He didn't always like his job, but someone had to do it and he was good at it.
Jack's friend, Ken Powell, from NSA was so anxious to talk to Tony about a position that he called Jack while they were in the air. Tony ended up talking to him for close to an hour. Ken was interested in interviewing Tony for a newly created position that required computer skills and analysis of intelligence but that would also act as a liaison to the CIA. He had talked to several people with the computer skills, but Tony was the only one who understood the inner workings of the CIA. That made him a particularly desirable candidate. Tony reluctantly brought up his treason conviction to Ken. Powell was well aware of Tony's history. He had already pulled Tony's personnel file from the CIA. He and several of his colleagues and superiors had already read it and had discussed it with some of the higher-ups in the CIA. Everyone agreed that Tony never should have been charged with treason. Once he was charged, it was hard not to find him guilty; the act was treasonous. But he was only charged in the first place because Brad Hammond was trying to make a name for himself. Hammond was well known in the CIA as a mid-level bureaucrat with ambitions to move up. Brad had gambled badly by charging Almeida with treason, it forced President Palmer to pardon him. Palmer didn't like setting a precedent by pardoning a traitor, but by the same token, he couldn't see the sense of Tony sitting in prison. Hammond was given a stern reprimand by the president. He couldn't be fired, but it was clear that he would never be promoted as he had hoped.
By the time the conversation ended, Tony was hopeful that he had found a new job and that Ken would be his new boss. From what he could tell on the phone, he liked Ken and from what Ken told him about the job, he knew it was one that he would like. Before hanging up, they arranged to meet for an interview the next day. Tony stood up and walked to the rear of the plane to return the phone to Jack.
"How did it go?" Jack asked as Tony handed him the phone.
"I hope I'm not being over confident, but I think it went well. We're meeting tomorrow for a full interview." Tony couldn't help but smile. "I don't know how to thank you, Jack."
Jack shook his head. "Don't thank me. If you get the job, it's because of your qualifications. I just put you in touch with the right person. And if the job at NSA doesn't work out, you can still talk to my friend at Homeland Security and Secretary Heller thinks you should talk to someone he knows with Secret Service."
"At this point, I'll talk to anybody who can offer me a job. I just really want to be working and productive again."
Jack nodded, understanding what it was like to drift aimlessly. He had done it for 18 months after Teri's murder. Once he was back at CTU, like Tony, he knew he had to go back to work. He was wasting time and talent feeling sorry for himself and none of it would bring Teri back.
"Did you talk to Michelle before you left?" Jack asked him.
"Briefly. I told her that I was moving to Washington. She told me that she thought it was a good idea and she wished me luck. That ended the conversation."
"Did you tell her that you still loved her?"
Tony shook his head. "There was no point in it."
"Tony, I still thinkā¦"
Tony interrupted. "Did you tell Audrey that you loved her before she got on the plane this morning?"
Jack looked out the window avoiding Tony's gaze. "No," he said in a voice so soft that it was almost inaudible.
"You do love her though, don't you?" Tony asked.
Jack smiled shyly and looked at the floor. "Before all of this started, before she was kidnapped, she told me that she was falling in love with me. She said that I didn't have to say anything, that she just wanted me to know how she felt. I froze. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell her that I loved her too, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Now I've probably lost her forever."
"You don't know that, Jack."
"I saw the look in her eyes when she left this morning."
"Give her time; she's been through a lot in the last couple of days."
Jack nodded. "I know," he said then he turned and looked out the window.
Tony sat silently and looked out the window, too. They had so much in common, he and Jack. They understood each other well. At the moment they each felt alone in the world; their hearts held hostage by women who both were sure would never love them again. The pain was indescribable. Yet each knew that he had to go on, push past the hurt and find the good in life again.
