Double Hate

Disclaimer: DBZ (DB/DBGT) no owned by me humble self.

A/n: Well! Exams are finally over! (Dances celebratory) One of my math teachers (I have two math classes (Gasp! What was I thinking?) told me that I did really well on my exam, and I'm so happy! (Dances some more)

(Calms down, but not much) Okay, now to business. The sixteenth chapter of Double Hate is here! YAY! I can't believe it's already the 16th one. And 80 reviews for it, too! KEWLNESS! Okay, I'm hyper now. (Bounces in seat) Thanks to go Dark Willow aka Admiral2 for being the pivotal 80th reviewer! Arigatou! And this time, you are the last reviewer! Bwahaha! (Coughs)

It's a bit of an emotional first part of this chapter that's upcoming, so if you're the emotional sort, easily affected (like me), better grab a tissue box! I'm about to cry just thinking about it! Sheesh!

Fine! Enjoy, and don't forget to review (All right, Falcon-chan?)! Arigatou in advance!

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Previously, on Double Hate

The Brothers returned to their homework and the atmosphere lapsed back to its relaxed state, until Marc ventured forth another question, one that was a little more tense than the last one.

"Are you really going to tell her why we hate having our privacy invaded?"

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Chapter Sixteen: Swimming in a Sea of Memories

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Chichi wasn't doing anything that day.

Well, she was sitting with an apron strapped around her waist and a dishcloth in her hands in her bright kitchen, looking out of the window, but that didn't count as doing anything, especially compared to the usually bustling figure that the Son matron was. Never let it be said that she was a slacker…

Yet there she was, sitting and doing nothing, her head turned to the window as if she was watching the tree outside of her home dance with the wind. Her eyes held a far-away emotion in them, however, meaning that she wasn't appreciating the dance the tree was putting on for her. Instead, she was reflecting upon the loneliness and the pain that her sons had effected when they ran away.

How this was brought about is a simple tale to tell. Chichi was washing the dishes, as normal, after the semi-huge breakfast she'd cooked for her family (it was semi-huge because she didn't have to cook so much like she'd had to when she'd had Goten, Gohan, and Goku in her house). She'd been humming contentedly, having already seen Pan and Goku off, Pan to school, and Goku to Kame Island to see Krillin. She'd waved to them as they had shot into the air, called for them to have a good day.

It was as she remembered their farewells that the loneliness had started. She just had such a sudden sense of dislocation that she'd almost dropped the plate she was cleaning. She'd rescued it in time, but the gaping hole in her heart was still there, and did not disappear as she put the plate down safely in the sink.

Gohan… Goten… Chichi lifted one hand from her lap and gripped the sink rim as waves of loneliness suddenly came over her, bringing with them memories of Gohan and Goten when they were young. As she remembered them, she suddenly realized that her two sons had never really had a normal life, even when they were not fighting.

When they weren't fighting, she had constantly been after them to study, study, and study. She'd never let them play games appropriate for children their age, she'd never let them act like children, but adults, and she had never, ever, even hugged them after they had gone to Kame Island for the first time. Before that she had constantly hugged them, kissed them, and everything else that mothers would do for their toddlers.

That had been the time that she and they had started to drift apart from one another. They hadn't existed in quite the same harmony anymore, and Chichi had been forced to stand by and watch them grow into warriors before her very eyes, exactly as she had not wished them to. She had grown to understand them less and less, until they were complete strangers to her, although wearing the faces of her two children.

Such was the case after the Cell Games.

Gohan and Goten had come back from those horrendous "Games" so changed and grown up that Chichi had barely recognized them. She had hated herself for not doing so, and this hate grew to be so much that she could no longer look at her sons, let alone bear their company. She had grown snappish, curt, and eager, perhaps a little to eager, to get her sons out of her sight and her presence.

It grew so that she even fed them miniscule amounts of food that they couldn't handle to spend as little time with them as possible, and then when they were finished speedily, sent them out of the room. However, it never worked, for even when they were gone, Chichi always found herself remembering their haunted eyes…

At least Goku had not been like that. It was the worst thing in the world to have her sons be traumatically affected by the Cell Games (even more than they had been affected by the other events before that), but to have her mate join them…. Thank the universes that he had not been. It had been his ever-present cheerfulness that had saved her more than once during that long year after the Cell Games, never mind the fact that the years after that had been much longer and much more painful, in some ways.

As Goku had been as goofy as always, compared to the unusual somber natures of Gohan and Goten, Chichi had begun to prefer her husband's company over her sons'. As such the situation only became worse, with both she and Goku snapping at Goten and Gohan to get out of the room to get rid of the gloom that always settled over the room when they were there.

Chichi realized that that gloom had been her fault, hers and Goku's. If they had spent time with those two, given them the care and attention that they so obviously needed, then those shadowed and dulled eyes would have become lively again, and none of this would have happened.

Someone sobbed nearby, releasing a heart-wrenching wail into the air as Chichi sat in her chair, feeling numb. It took her a few seconds to realize that that someone was she; she had her hands pressed to her mouth and her body was shaking. She wondered detachedly where all this emotion had come from, but the sadness and the loneliness and the pain crashed down on her a few seconds later, and she was no longer detached. She cried her heart and soul out for the two of her flesh and blood who were not there any longer but should be, should have spent the last seven years with them in perfect happiness and harmony.

The two months after the Son brothers ran away, the start of the Lost Years after Cell, were empty as devoid of all meaning. Even Goku couldn't save Chichi from the constant fits of depression that overtook her periodically. Goku himself seemed to be subdued, which did not help his mate at all. She had often wished he would just go away and leave her alone, then panic and retract her wish quickly, in case any Kaios were near and decided to grant that wish.

The discovery of Pan, a wretched ten-year-old orphan with tangled long black hair, a trace of stubborn wildness in her face, and dark violet eyes containing the same expression her face did, at first did nothing to ease Chichi's emotional state of affairs. Chichi even remembered feeling resentful toward Pan at one point for being so woebegone and needy. However, this faded as time wore on, for Chichi found that she actually enjoyed being needed, depended on, as she had not been for a long time, not by Gohan, Goten, or even Goku. Pan had been a case of SNWBL, or Seriously Needing and Wanting to Be Loved, although she'd had her contact, shyness, and talking problems in the beginning.

The child had flinched every time Chichi touched her or if Goku even appeared for a single moment in the same room. Pan still habitually hesitated sometimes when she approached Goku or vice versa, but she always burst forward and smiled up at Goku, except if she was in one of her Perfunctory-Man-Slaughter moods (1), as Chichi called them (and Goku, once he learned what "perfunctory" meant).

Shyness, also, and talking, had been difficulties for Pan. Pan had been more than somewhat hesitant to come out and ask her new parents for anything, going to a length of days and days before asking about something (either through her own sort of sign language or words, later). This was a serious conflict sometimes, and Chichi had found herself telling Pan over and over again that "it's okay to ask me for something, sweetie, when you want it. It doesn't always mean you're going to get it, but it's okay."

Chichi had been scrupulously honest with the young child throughout the whole first year of her stay, and the second, and the third, and then more so in the fourth and fifth years as Pan grew up. She'd told Pan less about herself and the G brothers in the first two years, but when Pan hit thirteen and was finally comfortable with them, they had informed her about Gohan and Goten. The story was said in little bits and pieces, to let Pan absorb it all, but they had told her, and nothing had changed.

Of course, Pan had opened up a bit more after that, and they were a little closer than they probably would have been without the knowledge of the Go brothers, but other than that, nothing.

They had been afraid, though, that Pan would close up again if they recounted the story, but once they stared, they couldn't stop. Pan herself had demanded more about the Sons pre-Cell, and the year post-Cell, and her parents had not had the heart to not tell her. They narrated it to her even as they saw disgust, hurt, and incredulity in her eyes, even as their souls were ripped apart and put back together only to be taken apart again, even as the pain revisited and caused them to choke up several times.

Pan had seemed to shut down the night she had heard about the events surrounding the infamous loss of the Sons, but the next morning she had hugged Chichi and Goku as ferociously as ever. Chichi still could remember the enormous relief she'd felt that morning, the smile that had broken out on her face, and the sensation that she had not smiled in ages, which had been true at the time.

Even as she looked back on the memories of raising Pan, especially when Pan had first appeared, Chichi was faintly aware of the feeling of there still being a ragged hole in her heart. This hole still caused her pain and slight depression whenever she thought of whom used to occupy that part. No, not used to. The Son brothers still had that piece; they just hadn't given it back yet. Hopefully they hadn't lost it and still had it, so that she could give it to them again if they would accept it.

Chichi's tears continued to flow, but with those last thoughts she was able to get up and return to the dish that was patiently waiting for her. She picked it up, wiped her eyes on her apron, and placed her hand with the dishcloth on the plate before her.

She would have to ask Goku that evening if he, too, still felt pain in his heart as she did at the prospect that Gohan and Goten still didn't want to come back. They would probably never come back, even though they had been and were so close by on the outskirts of Orange Star City, and yet so far away.

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Trunks, Bra, and Marron were all miserably sitting around the table in the private Capsule kitchen/living room area when Pan stormed in, a black scowl on her face. They all looked up as she stomped heavily over, but made no sound as she plopped tiredly into the chair next to Bra. Without meeting their gazes, Pan growled,

"Yes, they found me out. Yes, they hated me. Yes, they told me off. And yes, I deserved it. I know."

Silence reigned as Pan pulled her backpack out from under the table and unzipped it. She furiously rummaged in its contents for her history homework, ripped that out, grabbed one of Bra's pens, pushed away the backpack, and started to work on the history. She never looked up to see the blank looks on her friends' faces, but she did hear scribbling start up around her after a few minutes. She sighed with relief inwardly and kept on working, even though what she really wanted to do was run screaming all the way home, flop onto her bed, and just plain cry.

It was like this for the next few minutes, until Bra passed her a piece of paper with the words,

"Tell us exactly what happened. Not here, though, somewhere else. Mom's going to be coming in here in a minute."

It was in Trunks' scrawl, so Pan looked at him and nodded. Trunks jerked his own head and bent over again, just as Bulma came bustling in.

"There you are, Pan! We've been looking for you. Chichi called fifteen minutes ago to tell me to tell you that you're going to have to stay over tonight, because she just heard on the television that there's going to be thunder and lightning. We don't want you flying home in that, now do we?" Bulma tsked. "I just hope that she'll be okay all by herself until Goku arrives."

Pan nodded, putting a cheerful mask in her face for the person she considered to be a third mother. As soon as Bulma left, she let it drop, and her head too, onto the table.

"Ugh. I feel so beaten all of a sudden," she remarked. She did. All of her anger had just suddenly departed (which was weird, because usually she only stopped being angry if she worked it out during extensive martial arts kata) and left her feeling tired, bruised, and heavy. She'd done nothing but go see the fight between Jeff and Videl, and all the events in between, but she still felt world-weary and like her bones were made of lead.

"Why?"

Pan raised her head to stare straight into Marron's blue eyes. "I don't know. Maybe it's because the Harrisons are disappointed in me."

"Not here," Trunks hissed, looking around at the robots coming in and out of the kitchen.

"Oh, right," said Marron sheepishly, ducking her head. Bra suddenly stretched and said, loudly, "All of a sudden I don't feel like working at in the kitchen anymore. Anyone want to work in my room with me?"

"Sure," chorused the rest. They all packed up, Pan shooting a tortured look at Bra, who only shrugged. Marron and Trunks noticed the look, but they were not fooled. Pan needed to tell them what happened. It was in her movements and her rapidly dispersed anger, replaced by lethargy, that told them of her need, and they were determined not to let their friend suffer like they had Gohan and Goten.

Trunks pushed the thoughts away and strode through the halls, following his sister into the elevator that would take them to the bedroom floor.

They arrived speedily three minutes later, stepping off and rushing to Bra's room so that they could lay down their things and talk. They made it to the door, waited not-so-patiently as Bra opened the keypad door, and lunged in, Pan included. Bra locked the door behind her and turned to watch her friends and brother get settled in comfortable places in her room. She saw Pan on the bed, where everyone could see her, Trunks sitting at her desk but with the chair turned around so that he could watch Pan, and Marron spread out on the floor, her papers out in front of her.

Bra stalked over to the couch that no one had taken and sat daintily on it, fixing her aquamarine eyes on Pan as Trunks had already set his violet, and Marron with her blue, and waited for the show to begin.

"Okay," Pan started. She told them what happened, starting with first her assumptions about how it could be only Gohan that was with the Harrisons, not both Gohan and Goten, and ending with her moody exit from Murasimo Plaza Park, leaving the two Harrisons Brothers behind. Trunks had an outraged look on his face when she was finished, mixed in with a little hope. Bra and Marron both had thoughtful expressions, also with hope in them.

Pan found the hope in her friends' countenances to be superfluous. She had no idea why she was being so cynical, but she just thought that it was a waste of time to hope that Jeff and Marc were Gohan and Goten. They'd thwarted all of their hopes so far; how was this time going to be any different? It was only going to hurt more if she hoped and then it turned out that it wasn't true. However, she couldn't bring herself to tell her friends this, much as she knew it was probably the right thing to do.

Predictably, it was Trunks who first broke the silence not long after Pan stopped speaking.

"Why didn't you let them tell you about Mount Meko? That could have told us if they were Gohan and Goten!"

"I know that, Trunks," Pan began. She gave up, though, after she caught a glimpse of the angry fire in Trunks' eyes, and shook her head instead. Trunks made an angry noise and settled back into his chair, crossing his arms. Pan just sighed at him and turned to Bra when the other girl indicated that she wanted to speak.

"You said that Marc told you Jeff was stronger than him. How much stronger do you think he is?" she asked. "He may know how to use ki but didn't because he was fighting Videl."

Pan sat back. "I really wasn't able to tell. It's not really a good measure of strength when you fight someone so much weaker than you are and just fairly toss the weakling about," she commented. There was something niggling insistently at the back of her brain, but she ignored it. That was going to come back and haunt her later, she knew, but she also knew that she wasn't going to know what it was until the idea positively just slapped her in the face, whenever that was.

So she went on, saying, "I bet if we caught them sparring one time we'd know." She missed the Looks™ she was receiving from the others; she was too deep in thought, chewing absently on her bottom lip. "On the other hand, I don't know exactly where they live, and I don't know the kis of the other Harrisons. I didn't pay them any attention," she protested, fending off the others', especially Trunks', exasperated looks. "I was more concerned about Jeff and Marc. You would have done the same thing in my spot, you three," she pointed out defensively.

Bra, Marron, and Trunks nodded, the last one a bit more reluctantly than Bra and Marron. Pan uncrossed her arms and shifted so that she was in a more comfortable position on Bra's bed. Marron spoke up for the first time after hearing Pan's tale.

"Could Jeff be Goten instead of Gohan? We know that Marc is out of the picture," she remarked. Pan shook her head.

"No, he's a year older than Goten, like Gohan," she replied.

"But what if he skipped a grade? They're both smart enough to do that," Marron pressed on.

Bra quipped, "Skip three grades." When Marron looked at her, she elaborated. "They're both smart enough to skip three grades, if they wanted to." Trunks nodded agreement, his eyes losing a little bit of their fire, but not much.

Pan was interested. "Really? Mom and Dad told me that Gohan and Goten were really smart, but I didn't think it was to that extent."

"Oh yeah, easily," Trunks answered. His face took on a far-away light, one that Pan had never seen before. Really, they didn't talk about Gohan and Goten often.

"They used to make me feel stupid whenever they talked about their studies. Then I'd get home and discover that what they'd been talking about was the topic of discussion for the dad, and I'd feel like a slacker," Trunks said. He had been home-schooled the same as Gohan and Goten, only at Capsule by tutors and Bulma instead of Chichi. "I hated to feel either way, so I would study and study and study. I never did manage to surpass them, but once or twice I could actually understand what Gohan was telling Goten. It was only seldom, though, and I felt so elated afterwards. It never lasted long, though. The next day they would have lost me again within five minutes of talking."

Pan listened intently, noticing the underlying wistful note in her friends' voice. She knew that Trunks had been very attached to Gohan and Goten, and had been devastated when they ran away. Out of all the second generation Z-senshi, the future Saiyan no Ouji of an extinct race had been hit the hardest. Pan had heard the stories of Trunks yelling at his parents and the Sons that it was their fault the G brothers had run away, and that he was never going to speak to them again. He was going to run away himself, and find them all by himself!

Tragically, nothing had come of it. Vegeta and Bulma had restrained Trunks from going after them and had dealt with his temper and grief in their own ways. Bulma had locked him in his room until he had calmed down sufficiently for them to explain the situation, and then Vegeta had taken his son with him into the G-dome to his mate's protests. At the time it had made Trunks come close to hating his parents, but he was more understanding of the treatment now. They had done it so as not to lose him when the Sons had already lost Gohan and Goten, and also because his behavior was irrational, if understandable.

"At fighting, though, I was equal to them. We had all been trained by Piccolo at the same time, although my father refused let Goku train me afterwards. Bra didn't train at all, although she could have started after Frieza had been beaten."

Pan looked quickly at Bra, who looked to be just as enthralled by the story as both Pan and Marron were.

"Gohan offered to teach her, even though he was still afraid of my father at that time."

Pan gaped. Gohan had been afraid of Vegeta? Her parents hadn't told her that! She listened more attentively than before after that.

Trunks was absorbed in the memories. He only paid the slightest attention to the people around him, thinking only about how sweet life had been with the G brothers, even the bad parts, especially compared to this half-life now. It was a half-life; ever since they had left, Trunks had felt incomplete, insecure, and small, as if Gohan and Goten had been two parts of his soul. He still felt that way, and looked forward to the day when they got back so that he wouldn't ever have to feel this way again. Even if he felt stupid again, even if he felt as if he were a slacker, he'd feel much more alive, instead of having this empty feeling in his heart that ached and yearned for someone or something to fill it with.

"My father found out and told Gohan," he said, shaking his quick internal thoughts, "in no uncertain terms was he, the first son of that third-class baka Kakkarot, going to train my sister. In fact, Bra wasn't going to train at all. The battlefield was really no place for females, although they were welcome to be any other job other than that of a warrior." Trunks came out of his reverie with a rueful snort. "Obviously he's changed his mind since then."

Silence greeted him, but Trunks didn't mind as he returned to his reminiscent stupor. He did mind when a clap of thunder boomed outside, starling not only him but also the other three inhabitants of the room with him. He winced and placed his hands over his ringing ears, even as lightning flashed again, illuminating the dark room brilliantly for a split-second, and thunder followed shortly after. Bra ad already done the same when the first thunder boom had sounded.

Marron felt pity for her demi-Saiyan friends, whose super-sensitive ears and other senses must be being tortured right now. She wondered if Gohan and Goten were the same way, and if one of them was Jeff, if he was all right.

She hesitated to write Marc out of the picture, but if Pan said he didn't know how to sense ki, then he couldn't be either of them. Once you learned how to sense ki, you never forgot it. the feeling of the living earth, the billions and billions of energies everywhere, was not a feeling squashed easily, if at all. Still, Marron couldn't shake the feeling that there was something they were overlooking, something that would piece the whole puzzle together. But what?

Marron jerked back from the hand that waved in front of her face. "Hello, Marron? We're tired of the thunderstorm, so we're going to go downstairs and in the process get some food. Want to come with?" Bra asked as Marron blinked.

Marron looked up at her and responded, "Sure." She accepted Bra's hand and used it to help lever herself off of the floor. Bra hung on and towed her out of the door to the elevator, where Trunks and Pan were waiting for it already.

If it were just Jeff who was one of the Lost Sons, how was it that Marc looked so much like him then? And again, why was it that Marc reminded her so much of an older Goten?

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(1) Perfunctory Man Slaughter: Thanks go to Salazarfalcon for that. It was just so perfect for that moment; I couldn't resist. Too funny! (Cackles)

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A/n: So there you have it. The feelings of this whole situation as seen from Chichi and Trunks' POVs, and perhaps a bit of Pan's and Marron's. I'm going to try to throw in Goku, Vegeta, Bulma, and Krillin and Dende later; next chapter is the Harrisons' time to shine. Linda will be making an appearance, as well as the elusive Myna and Jack, whom we've not delved into yet so far, and also Jeff and Marc. Can't wait to see what's going down with them, after last chapter's ending! Muahaha!

All righty then! Off you trot, to the Corner of Reviews!

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The Simply Fabulous Corner of Reviews

1) Oligel Ronew—I updated! Cool, huh? Finally, no school to slow me down! Only took it nine months... /Grumbles/

Glad you liked. I was worried about the reception of this chapter, as I didn't exactly portray Videl nicely, but I was heartened by your review. I especially liked that you noticed that Marc isn't going to just stop hating Videl overnight—too many fics keep doing that and it bugs me. A lot. /Grumbles/

Hmm... about the confrontation between the Z-senshi and the Harrisons... Peace to you too.

2) Nooka—42 is the meaning of life? ... Okay, I'll take that! Although I rather think 502 is better suited to that, but oh well! (Grins)

This age of insanity is a great time to be alive. (Nods sagely) ROTLMAO!

It is really hard to think up new chapter ideas if you're not on a roll, is it not? Nevertheless... KILL! MUST KILL THAT COW LILITH MORRIGAN! (Spits name out) Aaaaaarrgggh! Sheesh! Just give me a naginata and knowledge of naginatajutsu and let me at her! (LOL. I'm pathetic. Hee!)

The land of wind, rain, and tea? I live in the land of wind, rain, SNOW, sun, and coffee, but no Yorkshire puddings. Sigh. I'm so deprived. /Looks mournful/

I updated soon! Really soon. this is pretty quick for these days, which says something. I don't know what. (Grins) updated! I can't wait for more, and I still have to re-read it, ya know! Cheers mate!

3) DBZ Chick1—Thanks!

4) Salazarfalcon—DEVIL woman indeed. Oh well! Your email isn't working? Computer! I just smashed you to bits! You're supposed to work for Falcon-chan now! THAT MEANS EMAIL! Idiot computers...

Jacksonville... I've never been there, and now I don't want to. :)

No livejournal. It's enough hassle for me to upkeep my fics, let alone a website. I just can't get hooked/Suddenly undergoes a mood change/ I can't... (You know what this means, don't you? It's Perfunctory Man Slaughter time! LOL. My father had better watch out. /Winks/)

Speaking of Videl, so I lied about seeing what happens to HER this chapter. (Shrugs) We will chapter after next for sure! That is, if you care. (Grins)

/Eye twitches/ Even I'm not so insane as to write part III before part II, and I consider myself plenty insane, my dear girl. (Shakes head) Sigh... So how did you like my third review for Shinrai? And Oleander? I told you I would review those...

5) Dark Willow aka Admiral2—Guess what? You ARE the last person to review! Congratulations! Oh, and you're the eightieth review, too. /Nonchalantly/

School's over for me AT LAST! Now I can stay up ALL the time and be extra-tired the next day! Time to be evil! Muahahahahahahahahahahaa!

...Okay, back to work for me! Happy b-day in October! I'll wish you it again when the month's actually here (you may have to remind me—just a little warning!) but I have to keep the holiday thing up. LOL. (Grins)

Review faster next time!

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Oligel Ronew, Nooka, DBZ Chick1, Salazarfalcon, and Dark Willow aka Admiral2, merci beacoup for your marvelous reviews! You guys are the ones who inspire me to write! (Bows)

Okay, folks. Here's the deal. I'm thinking that we have about two or three more chapters to go before the conclusion of Double Hate, maybe more, maybe less. I know, it's sad, but hey, all good things must come to an end, including this fic. If you have any suggestions/ideas that you would like me to put in before the end of this fic (therefore possibly making it longer), better make them known to me now or next chapter. Some of you may already have the same ideas as I do (I'm not telling you who, so nya:P), and some of you may already have suggested some ideas. Please give them to me again, for I'll be making a list after I post this chapter and seeing if they can fit into my plot this late in the story.

However, if you don't have any ideas, that's fine. Don't go giving yourself headaches because you thought up an idea that you thought was really crappy (crappy ideas are welcome too!), but just review and say what you thought about this chapter. Thanks, and I look forward to your reviews, as always! (Bows)

Compliments from,

TheShadowPanther, Rei, and Autumn, from AASN

AASN; Writing is what we do for you at AASN. Enjoy.

Updated 06.11.05