April, 18, 2004.
*********
My dear readers:
Most of you might already know what this Author's Note is going to say. Many of you might be suspecting this for a long time coming, seeing as my updates on this story have been anything short of abismal-y nonexistant.
When I set out to write CoH, I believed in the world of 'Charmed'. I loved the characters, I loved the concept, I loved the show-- I don't anymore. The way the exit of Julian McMahon (aka. sweet, ever-adorable Cole Turner) was handled left a bitter taste on the back of my throat that I could never shake, and it slowly began poisoning my passion for the show until it killed it completely.
CoH grew from my heart as but a seedling, a child's attempt to deal with events that I now know, heralded the beggining of the end. I wanted to correct what I thought (still think!) was a mistake: the loss of Cole's powers. But then it become something more: something bigger than myself, and that inspired hundreds of you to read and write and take the precious time to tell me how much you liked what I was doing. And that was what kept me writing through the horrid torture that was S4, as they slowly but surely destroyed everything I loved about a character, twisted it until he was bent beyond recognition and then brushed him off as if he had never existed at all. And that, I cannot accept.
I've tried writing chapter 19 of CoH for over a year now. I've started over thirty different chapters; traveling to the far future, delving into the dark past, trying to cope with the horrible present I created for my own characters-- and nothing is coming out. My Muse no longer feels for this people, for the Halliwell-Turner family I created out of the brilliant idea the show 'Charmed' gave us. And when I find myself no longer caring for the characters, it means it's time for me (and you, faithful readers) to move on.
I cannot tell you the bittersweet feeling I got whenever one of you took the time and effort to write to me, to encourage me to finish this story: it made me want to cry, because I really, really *wanted* to finish it. I would sit in front of my screen, intent on writing something, and the words would not come out. I'd dabble back and forth, typing scenes that made no sense and stringing sentences together until they resembled something coherent. But then I would read it again and I'd realize neither you nor CoH deserved nothing short of perfection, and I can no longer give you that.
That is why I am sadly announcing my retirement from the Charmed fandom. It's been ages since I've read and/or read any Charmed fanfiction, and even if I'm tentatively re-approaching the show and re-discovering some of my affection for it, it still pains me to see what a mockery the characters have become. I cannot stand the fact they laugh at the face of True Love, painting it as Lust, when in reality it was Meant To Be. Maybe some day I will find the courage to delve into this story again, but for the time being, I am taking a step back and letting it fly free.
Chapter 19 ended in a cliffhanger. And even if the resolutions of said conflicts might be already planned in my mind, I cannot find the strength to write them down. Rest assured that the ending was going to be a happy one, and I honestly think that the endings you, as readers, can come up with will surely surpass anything I could possible write. In my world, Phoebe and Cole live happily ever after with Prue, the daughter that made this story possible. I hope they do so in yours as well.
My truly regretful goodbyes,
Lilian.
*********
My dear readers:
Most of you might already know what this Author's Note is going to say. Many of you might be suspecting this for a long time coming, seeing as my updates on this story have been anything short of abismal-y nonexistant.
When I set out to write CoH, I believed in the world of 'Charmed'. I loved the characters, I loved the concept, I loved the show-- I don't anymore. The way the exit of Julian McMahon (aka. sweet, ever-adorable Cole Turner) was handled left a bitter taste on the back of my throat that I could never shake, and it slowly began poisoning my passion for the show until it killed it completely.
CoH grew from my heart as but a seedling, a child's attempt to deal with events that I now know, heralded the beggining of the end. I wanted to correct what I thought (still think!) was a mistake: the loss of Cole's powers. But then it become something more: something bigger than myself, and that inspired hundreds of you to read and write and take the precious time to tell me how much you liked what I was doing. And that was what kept me writing through the horrid torture that was S4, as they slowly but surely destroyed everything I loved about a character, twisted it until he was bent beyond recognition and then brushed him off as if he had never existed at all. And that, I cannot accept.
I've tried writing chapter 19 of CoH for over a year now. I've started over thirty different chapters; traveling to the far future, delving into the dark past, trying to cope with the horrible present I created for my own characters-- and nothing is coming out. My Muse no longer feels for this people, for the Halliwell-Turner family I created out of the brilliant idea the show 'Charmed' gave us. And when I find myself no longer caring for the characters, it means it's time for me (and you, faithful readers) to move on.
I cannot tell you the bittersweet feeling I got whenever one of you took the time and effort to write to me, to encourage me to finish this story: it made me want to cry, because I really, really *wanted* to finish it. I would sit in front of my screen, intent on writing something, and the words would not come out. I'd dabble back and forth, typing scenes that made no sense and stringing sentences together until they resembled something coherent. But then I would read it again and I'd realize neither you nor CoH deserved nothing short of perfection, and I can no longer give you that.
That is why I am sadly announcing my retirement from the Charmed fandom. It's been ages since I've read and/or read any Charmed fanfiction, and even if I'm tentatively re-approaching the show and re-discovering some of my affection for it, it still pains me to see what a mockery the characters have become. I cannot stand the fact they laugh at the face of True Love, painting it as Lust, when in reality it was Meant To Be. Maybe some day I will find the courage to delve into this story again, but for the time being, I am taking a step back and letting it fly free.
Chapter 19 ended in a cliffhanger. And even if the resolutions of said conflicts might be already planned in my mind, I cannot find the strength to write them down. Rest assured that the ending was going to be a happy one, and I honestly think that the endings you, as readers, can come up with will surely surpass anything I could possible write. In my world, Phoebe and Cole live happily ever after with Prue, the daughter that made this story possible. I hope they do so in yours as well.
My truly regretful goodbyes,
Lilian.
