Something changed in him, that night when he first held his daughter. Severus felt an emotion that he had never felt before, love. Pure and innocent love, unlike the kind he felt for Hermione. This love was made up of pride, protectiveness, and awe. Pride that this beautiful thing was part of him, protectiveness for her and everything that she entailed, and awe that she was indeed his, and she was so beautiful. For what seemed like the first time in his life, he felt peaceful when he saw her.
Harry and Ron had entered the office a few minutes after he had named her. They watched as their cruel ex-professor held his daughter as though she was made of glass. It was a tender moment for all who were watching, and Dumbledore's eyes misted over. For Severus, who had had almost no happy moments in his life, this was just what the man needed. After what felt like and eternity, Albus cleared his throat.
"Professor?" Harry whispered, afraid to break the tender moment in front of him.
Severus looked up and Harry continued. "Since she is yours and all, you can make the decision, do you want us to take her, or do you want to?"
Without a second thought, Severus answered. "She is my daughter, and my responsibility. I will take her." His arms tightened their gentle grip protectively, despite his seemingly impassive words. The other men in the room caught that and shared a glance.
Within a few minutes, all of the baby things were in the dungeons. "If you need anything, Professor, give us a shout," were Ron and Harry's departing words. Albus had left a few minutes earlier. And then, he was alone with his daughter. He still had her, in the bundle of pink blankets, in his arms.
Gently, he laid her on his bed and slowly unwrapped her from her cocoon. She was wearing a tiny yellow sleeper, and he observed that despite her lack of size, her limbs were long in proportion to her body, much like his, and that filled his heart with joy, that she was like him, even though it seemed it was in a few tiny ways. Her skin, though warm and soft, was so pale that he could make out all of her thread-like veins, and she was watching him with those eyes, looking so intelligent for a baby barely a day old. He ran a long, bony finger down from her forehead, to the tip of her slightly upturned nose. He watched as her bow-like lips parted to yawn, and he realized how tired he was too. Again, he lifted her, cradling her head, and put her in the dark oak crib. He could change the colors of things in the morning.
Five minutes later, or so it seemed, a very loud wail awoke him. He grabbed his wand from the table by his bed and leapt to the floor. As the sleepy fog cleared from his brain, he realized that Aubrey was the source of the noise. Shuffling across the room to her crib, and muttering "Lumos" he saw that she was lying there, her faced scrunched up and nearly purple, sobbing her heart out.
"Shh, it's alright," he murmured gently as he picked her up and held her to his shoulder. What could she need? Perhaps she had not been fed in some time, so he searched the many bags, with Aubrey still wailing, for some form of milk. Finally, he extracted a packet of powdered formula. He quickly skimmed over the instructions, trying to block the insistent wails coming from the infant. He performed the necessary charms, and a few minutes later he had the perfect bottle prepared.
She latched on like she would never eat again. He watched in awe at the fervour with which she drank. As she neared the end of her meal, her eyelids began to droop, and the bottle slipped out of her mouth. She was asleep again.
"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed in shock as he entered the Great Hall for breakfast. "You look..."
"It's been a long night," he muttered, feeling as though he had the worst hangover in history.
"You can speak freely, Severus," Albus interjected. "I have informed the staff of the current...situation." That earned him a glower.
"I think she slept for two hours. If she wasn't hungry, she needed a change, and if that wasn't the problem then she would simply cry..." He slumped over in his chair.
"Severus...where is she?" Flitwick asked, he tiny eyes widening in worry.
"House elf."
After his third time of nodding into his toast, Albus informed Severus that he could have the next two weeks off, paid leave, to adjust to his new life, and to make proper arrangements. Muttering some incoherent thanks, Severus turned and slunk back to the dungeons, relieving the house elf of her duties.
Over the next two weeks, Severus learned very quickly how to live with a baby. When she slept, he slept. He could change a diaper in his sleep, and he could now awaken to her cries without that haze of sleep in his mind. Essentially, he was a changed man. He had grown much more patient, as he knew that crying was her only way of conveying that something was amiss, and he longed for the day that she learned how to speak...and sleep.
Life had indeed settled into a routine that he found increasing comfort in. But heaven forbid life stay the same for long. As they were napping together, a cool Saturday afternoon, Harry pounded on the door to Severus' chambers. Groggily, he answered the door and stared at the piece of parchment Harry held out to him.
Dear Mr Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that Hermione Granger has emerged from her coma. She is physically fine, but she is suffering mental distress due to the fact that her baby is not with her. If you could come to our hospital as soon as possible, to put Miss Granger at ease, it would be most appreciated.
Sincerely,
Lilith Farrow
He stood stone-still as the shock washed over him in waves. Finally Harry interrupted his reverie. "Are we going to go?"
"Of course." Severus grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Aubrey, and waited as Harry performed the Apparation spell.
With a crack, the three appeared in the waiting room of St Alphonso's hospital, which very much resembled St Mungo's. Lilith appeared within minutes to greet them. "Hello Harry," she smiled, before she registered that Severus was with him. "And this is...?"
"Severus Snape," Severus responded. "I am the father."
Lilith's eyes widened. "The Severus Snape? Potions Master? You are our finest supplier of potions. Oh Merlin, I'm gushing." Suddenly, her expression changed from admiration to grave seriousness. "I am sorry though. Hermione left us with explicit instructions not to leave her child in your care."
"What do you mean! This is my child!" His cheeks became pink with indignation. How dare they tell him he had no right to his own child.
"I am sorry. Please hand the baby to Harry or you will be placed under arrest. If you wish to discuss this, Hermione is in that room." With that, Lilith hurried down the hall.
Harry gazed at his ex-professor, sympathy clear on his face. "I am sorry Sir. I had no idea... I'll go talk to Hermione, see if I can straighten her out." Off he went, with Aubrey in his arms.
The emptiness Severus felt following the departure or his least favourite ex-student and his daughter was incomparable to anything. He sat down to wait until Potter returned. It took almost twenty minutes until he finally heard a cheery "Bye Mione! See you tomorrow!" As Severus stared at the younger man who was now childless, Potter gave a 'go ahead' gesture towards the door. Smoothing his robes, Severus stepped forward to confront what was now his greatest fear.
She was lying in the thin, white-sheeted hospital bed staring in shock at Aubrey. He whispered. "She's really something, isn't she?"
She hadn't heard him enter, so she gasped and looked up. Her face clouded over momentarily before, in her most scathing voice, she said, "What are you doing here?"
At the tone he heard her use, Severus felt some of that all too familiar sardonicism creep into his soul. "Where shall I start? Seven months ago when I found out you were having my child? When I found out, or rather thought, you had terminated your pregnancy? Or two weeks ago, when I found out I did indeed have a child, and that you had hidden yourself from everyone? Where do you want me to begin Hermione?"
Hermione knew him too well, and despite the impassive look he kept, she could hear the disappointment and despair in his voice. It nearly melted her, but she knew better, and steeled herself. "Okay, or how about when you up and left in the middle of the night?"
"Well at least I didn't take my progeny with me!" His voice had escalated to a barking yell, causing Aubrey to cry. Hermione shot him a 'look what you did' look before hushing the baby. While he waited for the cries to stop, Severus watched her. She looked so helpless, so lost, and he wondered how he could be angry at her.
Once they were surrounded by silence, Severus began his explanation. "Hermione I left because I was stupid. Nothing but stupid. I remember I watched you sleeping, and you looked so innocent and beautiful. And then there was me, the ex-Death Eater, greasy vampire of Hogwarts bloody shagging you. I figured that you deserved better, so I left. I still stand by the thought that you deserve better than me."
"I loved you." Loved? "I chose you. Despite your past activities, or your lack of proper hair care. I wanted to be with you and I have never known a hurt like I felt that day when I found out you left me. And I'm still hurting, all this time later." A few unheeded tears slipped down her face.
For the first time in his life, Severus could not speak. What do you say to someone whose heart you broke? He approached the bed. "Oh Hermione I am so, so sorry. I have never forgiven myself for my actions, and I never will. There is probably nothing I can say that would make you not hate me."
"Oh Severus–" Now she was actually sobbing, her whole body shaking. "I missed you so m-m-much! A-a-and I am so s-s-sorry that I left without t-t-telling you! Can you forgive m-me?"
He sat down on the bed, holding her in his arms as though she was a small child. She buried her head in his shoulder as sobs continued to wrack her body. "Of course. And will you forgive me?"
She made a small noise of agreement, and continued to cry.
Yes, yes I know. Boring chapter. I imagine an epilogue next? I have too many ideas jumping around in my head to concentrate on this story. Next I have planned a DMHG. Be on the lookout for it!
