Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed, its characters, or its main plotline. I don't own the character Kai. He's happily owned by fellow writer, JC-Titans143.
First off, prepare for a really long author's note.
You should really thank Maroon 5 for being so good, despite the fact that their songs get stuck in your head for hours at a time. Our next heartbreaking song belongs to them and their people and the title is, "Sweetest Goodbye." After rummaging through all my cds, mp3s, and other whatnots, I found them. God almighty, the song was sad enough. But, here's the thing. Every song I hear sings a story. This was the perfect song, cuz all I saw was Cagalli and Kai. Jesus, it made me cry like I was a baby again. I hope you all feel what I felt when you hear the song. You really should get their cd, buy the song, or borrow a friend's cd, cuz the song is really beautiful.
Dragon agility – I knew they were replaced, but eww, their new replacements suck. S Club 7 was the best and original. snort I'm a music geek. xD
JC-Titans 143 – I feel for Kai, too. I got sooo attached to him, it hurts. This chapter, just writing it, will make me wanna cry like crazy.
Well, I'm glad you all liked Lacus' and her mothering tactics. That's how I always portrayed the Virgin Mary (aka Lacus Clyne xD).
And you all want to know what's in that letter huh? Well, one person guessed it right. But I won't say who, but at the end of this chapter, you get a prize, mmk? I think you know who you are.
God, this chapter will be killer, so get your tissues ready…xD. I'll try not to be sooo harsh, and it might not end up sad at all. Hmm, wish us all some luck. On to
Chapter 17 – Sweetest Goodbye
Where you are seems to be
Kai stared into her eyes, full of concern as he noticed the tear stains that marked her cheeks. Today was a special day. He remembered thinking that early morning.
As far as an eternity
"What do you want to talk about, Cagalli? Tell me what's wrong," he said in his oh so apprehensive tone, holding her oh so close to him.
Outstretched arms, open hearts
God, he was a saint. She couldn't…she wouldn't.
But she had to.
And if it never ends then when do we start?
"Kai…" she whispered, pushing him away gently. "I care for you, don't you know that?"
He nodded. Where was this heading?
I'll never leave you behind
"But…" she turned away. It was too hard to look him straight in to his naïve eyes, his naïve, lost eyes, filled with genuine compassion that he felt for her.
Or treat you unkind
"But I haven't done a great job of caring, Kai. I really didn't."
He looked at her, confused as ever. "Of course you have, Cagalli. What are you saying? You've been a great wife. You've been there for your friends, your family, your country…"
I know you understand
"…You've been there for me."
She felt her throat gone unbearably dry, and it was already difficult enough to just tell the truth. She was choking up inside because he really was in love.
And with a tear in my eye
"No I haven't Kai," she said, lowly and staring straight at the ground. She was so weak.
He made a tender grab for her arm and forced her to face him. "What?"
Give me the sweetest goodbye
Taking in the deepest breath, she had to let it all out. "I haven't been there for you, Kai. The life we were living, our relationship…it was all a lie."
Slowly, he felt his arm growing numb. "What?"
That I ever did receive
"Kai, I've kept this from you for two years, and it really hurts for me to just say the truth. And I'm sure you're lost and confused, but after this, I hope we can still be friends."
Pushing forward and arching back
His arm finally lost all feeling and slid back to his side as he continued to stare.
Bring me closer to heart attack
"Kai, do you remember that boy that you met at the restaurant we ate together at two years ago? The one with blue hair?"
He nodded. "Athrun, was it?"
Say goodbye and just fly away
"Yeah, Athrun…we…"
"You what?"
His tone wasn't demanding. His tone wasn't angry. His tone was just Kai.
When you come back
"We slept together twice."
And that cracked him, and he felt every fiber of his heart getting shred up by her small, but incredibly strong words. It couldn't be the truth…
I have some things to say
"The night we ate at the restaurant, did you notice we both were absent from the table?"
"Yes, but…I always thought you both went to your own homes…"
She bit her lip and struggled to swallow as she felt herself choking up. "We did…or at least I did…"
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
"Then what happened?"
The envelope in her hands was being crumpled this way and that as she struggled to be strong for her and for Kai. "He followed me home, and we ended up sleeping together."
"Didn't it ever occur to you that you could call?" he asked.
He wasn't mad, not the least bit.
And that's what bugged her. His understanding, his authentic concern, his whole character just made it harder to speak the truth. He was so true that when she stood next to him, it felt like he was God and she was the devil. He was just a saint.
When you get home
"I tried, but, he stopped me. Kai, it started out as a rape, but I ended up loving it. When I woke up, I told him I never wanted to see him again, but I really did. I missed him. Earlier that day, we kissed at this very beach, beside this very railing. I knew I couldn't let him go. But in my situation, I was engaged to you. And you cared so much, and I didn't want to hurt you, so I just went along with it, hoping that Athrun would never come back to my life. I crawled back to you, on knees and hands, because I was so pathetic."
There must be some place here that only you and I could go
She faced up for once and found his expression still the same. Concerned, but all the while emotionless. But she could tell that his blue eyes were losing their fierceness, their cool, their hope. He was having a hard time soaking it in, especially since he had shown nothing but true love for her for six years straight. It was hard.
"And it happened, again, didn't it, Cagalli?" he asked simply, his voice somewhat cracking.
So I can show you how I…
"Yeah, just last night. When you woke up in bed alone, I woke up with him on the other side of town. But I didn't mean for it to happen. I went out for a jog, that's it. And I bumped into him. Earlier, he told me why he left me, and I was simply trying to explain back, and…"
"…You ended up sleeping together at his place for the rest of the conversation, right?"
Dream away everyday
With a shameful 'yes', she turned away from him, gripping the envelope tighter in her grasp.
Try so hard to disregard
"Cagalli…" he held on to her arm, regaining the feeling back. "Why didn't you just say something before? You know you could tell me anything."
"I tried, Kai. But…I was too selfish, too weak."
The rhythm of the rain that drops
His grip began to tighten, but still hung on loosely. "That's not all there is to it, right?"
"I loved him, Kai."
"Then why did you stay with me, even after what you two did?"
A tear rolled down her cheek painfully, when she saw his heart burning in his saddened, dulled blue eyes. "Because I didn't want to hurt you. You worked so hard…so hard to be good enough for me. You wanted to marry me, Kai. I didn't want you to feel defeated after all your hard work."
And coincides with the beating of my heart
"But Cagalli. This hurt I'm feeling now…is far worse that feeling defeated. Cagalli, I loved you, I worked for you, I wanted you. And I though you did love me back." He grip began to tighten unbearably as his head sank down to her chest to stop the tears.
She felt for him, truly and deeply, running her fingers one last time through his hair. "I thought I did, too. But, all I saw in you was…was him, Kai. I'm r-really s-sorry." She couldn't hold it in anymore. This hurt.
The boy did everything in his power to be with her. He protected her, risking his own life in the process. He treated her right, he really loved her. And what did she do to his love? She crushed it, stomped on it, and spat at it, leaving him in his sorrow.
I'll never leave you behind
"Kai, you're a good person," she whispered, cupping his face into her hands, facing him to her. "You're too good of a person to be with me."
Or treat you unkind
"But I want to be with you, Cagalli. I always did. When I was soldier, I looked up to you, I saw your beauty, in and out, and I fell in love with you, even if I didn't know you personally. And when you loved me in my Astray…didn't you ever wonder why I kept it? Because I loved you!"
I know you understand
"Kai," she bent forward to kiss a tear away on his cheek. "You're too good for me."
"No…no…no…Cagalli…p-please don't g-go…I need you."
And with a tear in my eye
"I'm not the one for you, Kai. I hurt you far too much to be good for you. I don't deserve you. I never did, Kai. You gave me your love, and all I did in return was toss it away. Kai, you deserve…b-better."
She looked into his eyes, pained to the core, his tears overflowing, rivulets of tears rolling down his tears.
Give me the sweetest goodbye
"I care for you, Kai…but I'm just not good enough."
He cried on her again. "No…please don't go…Please! Y-you're th-the only one f-for me, C-Cagalli! Please, don't g-go!"
She made him like this, and she didn't deserve to be alive for all the pain she caused him and Athrun. She was evil. She deserved no one.
That I ever did receive
She tore him away, both still not willing to stop their tears. "Kai, I have in my hand some divorce papers, all ready to go. I signed my part, and all it needs is your signature, and all this can be over."
"But…I don't want it to be over, Cagalli."
"But, Kai…please. You don't need me…Don't make this harder than it already is. Just please sign."
Pushing forward and arching back
"You don't understand, Cagalli. People want to marry you for the wrong reasons. For pleasure, as a trophy to show off to their friends, for money, for fame, or for power. I don't want that, Cagalli. I love you for you! Please…I forgive you for everything, but please…don't leave me."
Bring me closer to heart attack
"Kai…you'll always have a place in my heart, but if…if you really do care, you'll let me go. Kai…I'm sure you've heard of this one. There's plenty of fish in the sea. You caught me, but I'm not the one, so let me go. There's someone more deserving out there waiting for you, Kai."
Say goodbye and just fly away
"Cagalli…"
When you come back
"Kai, this pain…it'll all go away when you sign. I care for you, and God knows you care for me. But if we want to be there for each other, we have to do this. We can't go on living a lie, Kai," she said painfully, holding the papers in front of him with shaky, sweaty hands.
I have some things to say
He took the paper in his hands, glanced at the text, then looked back at her. "I love you, Cagalli. It was the best six years of my life working side-by-side with you, and even with these new shocking revelations…."
He bent forward for a gentle kiss on her lips, for the last time.
Pulling back slowly, treasuring the moment for a lifetime, he smiled back at her, pained, broken, but nonetheless happy. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
"All passengers for train 149, all ABOARD!"
Athrun woke up from his passionate dreams, unwillingly, at the sound of the announcement. With a heavy sigh, he picked up his suitcase and walked to the line. So this was how it felt for goodbye.
When you get home
"Cagalli…I'll bring these to a lawyer or something. Go get him, back, Cagalli. I'm sure he feels the same way. Don't let him get away this time, tiger," he joked playfully, punching her arm softly with a smile.
There must be some place here that only you and I could go
"Kai…thank you so much for understanding. We'll see each other again…"
He laughed good-heartedly. "Yeah, at work! Good luck, Cagalli…"
And she ran away to get him back.
"I'll never forget you, Cagalli...because I love you."
And he turned away back to home. Today was a special day, after all.
So I can show you how I feel
SOOOOOO! That's over! The hard part is over!
God, was that too draggy? I oughtta read it over. Was it tear jerking? I dunno…I just feel like getting cut deep…really deep. I wonder, was this good enough for a goodbye? I really didn't feel the characters. But I dunno. I guess you might think differently and it might just be me.
And magelie guessed correctly! Inside the envelopes were divorce papers. And you get….A PAT ON THE BACK! LoL
Um….
Chapter Preview – Cagalli rushes around ORB hoping to find a certain coordinator love. But…is she too late?
