DISCLAIMER: Oh …I'd love to won them, but they all belong to Joss!

NOTES: SORRY..It takes me a while to get the muse moving lately! I'll try to make amends!

BARGAINING

„ Now give me one good reason why I should not shoot the three of you on the spot? " Malcolm Reynolds said, looking at the three marauders in front of him. Sweaty, surprised und clearly shaken the two men and one woman didn't really look all too threatening. But Mal knew, that if their plan had succeeded his crew would be truly and goodly dead by now. God knew how many a ship they had already taken over and sold to the highest bidder.

"Ahh …", the leader said, giving him a smirk. "Well ….technically we didn't really do anything."

Mal exchanged a glance with an obviously disgruntled Zoë.

"Ain´t that a comfort." She said, her gun still steadily at the three of them.

" Tell you what …" Mal said in a very cheery voice, slowly advancing on them. " I'm gonna do you a favour. I won't shoot you, I'll just sit you down on that planet we almost passed. How's that sound?"

"Nahh ..I still think we should shoot them!" Jayne drawled, Vera still aimed at them from where he was leaning against a bulwark in the cargo bay.

"Not really surprising, is it?" Simon remarked without looking at the mercenary.

Kaylee shot the doctor on uncomfortable look, hugging herself like she felt cold. In fact the thought of what the marauders had been up to chilled her to the bone. She still had not completely recovered from the ordeal Juble Early had put her through only a few months ago.

"You …you gonna let us go?" the female part of Jens Gotsche´s team asked wide eyed.

" In a manner of speaking." Zoë answered, giving her a malicious smile.

" Yea…." , Mal alleged. " See now that planet down there might not be the warmest welcome for …really anyone."

-

" You …you can't leave us here!" Jens Gotsche yelled, his eyes jumping from Mal to the Blizzard that was raging just beyond the open freight ramp.

"Wanna bet?" Jayne asked with glee, wigling his eyebrows. River peeked around his broad frame, watching the marauders intently. Simon could not help but feel nervous about the close proximity between Jayne and his sister. Something was off there ….Jayne did not seem to mind her in the least and that by itself was very strange…..but River was also calmer and more collected than he had seen her in quite a while.

"We'll die!" the woman said, already shivering.

" Wash?" Mal yelled into the intercom.

"There is a settlement about sic miles east of our current position. They should be able to reach it by nightfall." The pilot responded promptly.

"We're not the killin´ kind my crew and me. Several heads turned, eyes glanced in Mal´s direction in mild mockery. Even Kaylee gave an ironic snort.

"Unless of course somebody's been trying to kill us first." Mal added, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, or tries to steal our stuff …." Jayne added impatiently.

"Or our ship…" Zoë cut in.

"Right …and don't forget the time somebody tried to kidnap River." Kaylee said.

"Yes, that man is very dead." River said, nodding empathically.

Mal stared at them for a moment, sometimes it really blew his mind how quickly this group of people were ready to undermine his position while he was trying to prove a point. The marauders were throwing each other nervous glances.

"Fine then, ", he ground out, " we do occasionally kill ….bad guys."

He arched an eyebrow, waiting for the crew to comment. When none came he gave the marauders a satisfied smile. " You heard my pilot, few miles in the east ….now get the hell off my ship before I rethink the not shootin´you part of my elaborate plan!"

-

Mal watched the hatch close slowly, holding his secure footing as Serenity rose back up into the air with a familiar swoosh. He was ready to address that other thing now….the one where River seemed to have found a way back to normalcy. Lots of explaining to do there and Mal wasn't quite sure how to go about the whole thing or how he really felt about it yet…

But when he turned, ready to give everyone another speech his eyes fell upon her face….the split second before all hell broke loose.

It came out of nowhere, but it hit River with the force of a freight train. She could feel the sting off the strike across her face, so much that she didn't even notice going down.

The blunt force of it made her ears ring, made her stomach turn with nausea from the sudden loss of her sense of balance. She lifted her arm up over her head, as though to fend off another blow…even though in a very far away part of her mind she knew there would be none because none of this was real. Nothing more than a superimposed memory, a lively one…a shameful one …and by no means her own, but none of it mattered. She could feel the pain, she could feel the imprint of a big, red palm rising red above her skin. She could hear the deep rumbling voice, the menacing shadow looming over her.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your food, boy?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, unaware that everybody was staring at her in shock ….unsure of what was going on. All but one, who recognized the familiar situation.

"I'm sorry….Daddy?" she whispered in the smallest, saddest voice.

"River .." Simon fell to his knees next to her. "River …what's wrong?"

River shook her head, trying to swallow past the nausea and the tears that stung in her eyes. She look up at him with wide, dark eyes to see him grind his teeth in barely controlled anger.

"Get out of my head, you hear me?" he yelled at her, his hands balled into tight fists. "Get out of my gorram´ head, damn you!"

She had no idea what it felt like to him, or if he even felt it at all. To her it was like cutting a tightly wrought net, severing all the cords that kept her upright….and the world spun out of focus again. Jayne stormed past her brother, not looking at any of them. Mal exchanged a confused look with Zoë while Kaylee stood next to them, worrying her lower lip.

" What was that all about, River?" he asked carefully, but the girl just squinted up at him, shaking her head until her hair fell into her face in thick, shimmering waves. Simon wanted to help her up, but she dodged him on insecure legs, pulling herself upright with an effort.

"Don't …don't …it´s gone. Sense …..light, gone now." She shook her head again, raking her hands through her hair. She looked very pale, and very, very sick.

"Delved …to far, too fast ….no going there…where I should not be. Never meant to swim all out, until no more shore to see …."

The change from her almost composed behaviour only minutes ago shook Malcolm Reynolds, even though he did not want to admit it to himself. The difference was startling and drastic.

"You might wanna take your sister back to the infirmary, check her all out?"

-

Jayne stumbled into the mass around midnight, she was sitting there in a weird sort of crouch on one of the chairs, talking to herself. He had been ready to walk away right then …the idea of fscing her, of facing what she had dredged up from some dark cavern of his mind ….the whole thing didn't sit right with him. He had already turned around, but then found that he could not walk away either, with her strange whisper in his ear; so strangely reminiscent of the whispers he had heart from her in his dreams.

Not real …but true ….

He knew that fragile body inch per inch , knew the sound of her voice …the feel of her …

" You locked it up…" River said wistfully, watching him with the one dark eye that was visible.

"What?" Jayne asked her in a very irritated tone of voice, squaring his jaw.

River crossed her arms in front of her chest, staring at him like a sullen child.

"Locked it up tight….behind a big, big door with hundreds of locks, and then you threw away the key. Thought that might make you safe. You think I broke it, door and lock ..cause I don't have the key. But I didn't !"she shook her head for emphasis, throwing her head back to look at him straight. " I didn't break it down …wouldn´t , couldn´t ….didn't even know it was there. I passed through like a ghost before I knew ….like I stumbled into your dreams when it all began. She opened her arms, holding out her palms as though to show they were empty.

" I did not mean to pry ….have enough bogeymen of mine own, you know?"

She made a sound low in her throat that sounded almost like a bitter, angry laugh.

Jayne looked at her, for the first time realzing how much more he liked when she was sane …

Not that sanity would make River Tam any less strange, …oh no, Sir. But still …

"Guess we're both of us pretty much screwed then, ha?" he growled, pulling out a chair before he knew what he was doing.

For a moment River gave him a look that could almost be considered ironic, before she started gnawing on her lip so hard, Jayne thought she might be drawing blood very soon.

"Wish I could …do that. Just lock it all up, all away in a box or in a room to never enter…..to never get it out…ever."

Jayne raised an eyebrow at her.

"If you're so gorram´smart like that brother of yours says, why don't ya´?"

River looked at him again, her eyes so dark they seemed almost liquid, the shadow of a sad smile hovering on her lips for a heartbeat.

"Can't ….that door has no lock:"

Jayne pursed his lips, nodding to him, thinking. A part of him had already reached on conclusion, but there was another, maybe saner part that told him to beware. Finally he leaned forward, setting his arms on the table.

"Now ….crazy girl, listen to me and don't even be thinkin´about interrupting me. So shut that trap, got it?"

River's eyes narrowed for a moment as she opened her mouth and the shut it again with a plop. It faintly reminded Jayne of a fish. She gave him a suspicious scowl, but remained silent.

"Right, now I've been thinkin´…." he shot her a warning glance, daring her to say something. When she didn't, he smiled to himself. "I don't want you traipsing around in my mind all the time. Creeps me out a bunch, no pint in denying it. But then again, you probably already know that, like you know pretty much everything with that giant brain of yours. And there really is no point in me having this conversation with you, since judging from that look you givin´me; you probably already know everything I wanna say."

A look of confusion passed over her face and Jayne realized he had somehow gone off track.

"Anyway …seeing as to how you need to borrow from me or whatcha call it, cause even I can see that you're more use to us with your mind working…..There will be no snooping around my brain and I sure as hell don't want you in there all the time, get it? Because, believe it or not, but from time to time I'm actually doing a little thinking by myself."

He looked at her long and hard, raising an eyebrow in her direction. River remained still, though to Jayne she looked a little shifty….like she did not like being silent und sitting still.

"Here's the deal, little girl, I don't think I want you knowing everything about me." He finally said in a grave tone. River looked at the table, and then nodded very slowly.

"Good …" Jayne said, moving to rise when suddenly she spoke without looking in his direction.

"You don't like to go back there." She said quietly, softly. "You love it, love them ….but you don't like being there. You fear …being there …you might be sucked into what you fought so hard to escape….that ….is not your life. You don't want it to be…"