DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE
NOTES: Sooo Thanks to Wen and Tory I gave my muse the wake-up call! Sorry I left you hangin´girls! Also thanks to everybody who reviews and thus keeps me poking at my lazy muse! It´s time for a new Songfic soo…..Dare you to move is from the very cool band SWITCHFOOT!
ENJOY ..Next Chapter more fluff!
DARE
Jayne stared at her for a moment, frozen as the words, the meaning of what she had said slowly sunk in. He took a deep breath.
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone is here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next ?
What happens next?
"Now, what did I just say?" he asked her with a dangerous edge in his voice. "What did I tell you about snoopin´around …"
River shook her head, the movement sent the shimmering strands flying around her shoulders.
" Didn't ….It's just …there, all over you." She said slowly, looking at him openly, watching him as though she was waiting for something. "It's okay …I understand. I ….don't want to go back either, wouldn't want to be dragged. A house full of expectations, filled to the rim like a cup ready to spill ….it's no home. Simon feels it ….to him it's like breaking from prison, not living there….even if he does not know."
Jayne ground his teeth, still looking at her. She spoke in pictures, he realised. She painted these pictures with her words that were really meant to say something else, like symbols or code…
"You don't want to be dragged back in either, scared it might bury you under it …suffocate you, make you numb …"
"Stop it …" He shook his head, moving his hand over his face in weary gesture. Suddenly he felt tired, too tired to be mad at her even. " …we both know you're right, so just…"
He knew exactly which memory of his she had been reliving that moment. Though there were many similar ones, he just knew. And now the gorram´girl had him thinking and he did not like it one bit. His father had never been a cruel man. A hard one, yes, a loud man who did not like being contradicted and would not take words from his children, but not deliberately cruel. Jayne had realised that once he was old enough to grasp how hard his father earned their keep. He had also been old enough to know with deadly certainty that this would not be the kind of life he wanted to live …ever. He'd made that choice for himself being very young.
Thinking of it now, it reminded him of the years he had watched his father's spine bow slowly, his hair turning grey, his hard, calloused hands loosing just a little of their strength. He had been a bear of a man, with legs and arms thick as tree trunks, but the welding, the factory had slowly worn him down. He had seen the light in his father's eyes die slowly until they had kept that same dull stare every time he'd come home. He could still see his mother leaning over the iron oven for cooking, bowing over the tub used for washing ….her hands had always been red from the harsh soap, never soft like …The touch of her hands had been gentle enough, but the angry red colour had never quitegone away. And the coughing ….stronger in his brother than his father, but still always there like some sickening background noise. The fumes weren't lethal, welding did not kill you like that, but it was a creeping sickness. It might kill you ever so slowly, but kill you it would. He knew his grandfather had coughed up black bile for years until it had turned red as blood. Coughed up his own lungs in the end, he had. The guilt of leaving them behind in search for a better life had never quite left him, even if Jayne didn't like to admit it. That's why he sent the money, showing his father that even if he was gone, Jayne Cobb was still sure as hell doin´ his part for his family. But nothing would bring him back to this slow death, at least a bullet would kill you clean and good, just like a knife.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut for a minute. When he opened them again, she was still sitting there, still unmoving. He could see she was trying to keep her face empty as he pushed all those thoughts and feelings way back into the dark recesses of his mind where he usually kept them. Neat and safe, locked away. Jayne Cobb was still a mercenary; a hard, mean man without a conscience …..Yeah right.
"Gee, that was unpleasant!" he growled at her without humour, guessing she might understand he was referring to the memories he had just managed to get under control. All her ruttin´fault anyway. " What now?" he asked in a challenging tone, lifting an eyebrow at her silent form. " I may not be the smartest guy, but looks to me like you're waitin´for sumthin´."
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened before
A tiny shiver went through her, like a cat shaking itself. She raked her fingers through her hair, making it all tumble into disarray again. How did the doc ever manage to get anything done, he wondered. He had to be running after her with some sort of brush or comb most of the time to disentangle all that mess.
She shook her head at him again, a small scowl on her face.
"You're not stupid, not like that …..Not like you think, not at all." Her eyelids fluttered and she pressed her hand to her forehead, rubbing vigorously until the skinturned red in an attempt to concentrate. " Your mind works …different, it's the edge …what I use to block that door, to keep the things out, the pillar that blocks the door, keeps it closed when …"
He frowned at her, not sure he got that at all. Didn't matter anyway…..as long as she did not think he was stupid. "Right .." he answered simply, which made her roll her eyes.
"Can't explain …" she breathed.
"But it's a good thing, ha?"
She nodded again, letting her breath out in a deep, relieved sigh. "Very good ….not at all bad."
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
"Right…" he said again, crossing his arms in front of his chest once more. She was still sitting there, watching each of his moves from behind the curtain of her hair. Jayne couldn't say why exactly, but that stare made him somewhat nervous.
"So….anythin´ else we need to clarify here, I'd sure like to go back to my bunk and …."
"Take my hand …." It wasn't more than a faint whisper, so very quaint and fragile - if a sound could be that at all. Yet there was a longing, a breathy quality of something close to hunger in her voice. She reached out her arm across the table and for a moment Jayne just stood there, looking down at that delicate, pale hand lying open in the table, palm upwards. For some reason it had become quite a mesmerizing sight. In his dreams had been soft, so very soft ….and now a part of him very much needed to know if her skin really was that soft….how it would really feel.
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to pick yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
He pulled the chair towards him with a grunt, meeting her eyes with a steely gaze that could send grown men scrambling for cover. Her expression did not change, she just watched him with the same careful look in her eyes. His hands were so much bigger then hers, he remembered that now, as his hand reached for hers across the table. He picked her hand up carefully from the surface of the table, as though it could shatter like glass. Her skin was just as soft as he remembered from the dreams, but much colder and completely relaxed….like she had no bones in those fingers. He looked at their hands, hers being close to being swallowed by his rough fingers. Then he looked up as River's breath went in and out with a tiny gasp. For a second her head dipped backwards and he thought she might faint, but she lifted it right back up, suddenly sitting less hunched, opening her dark eyes to look and him. And suddenly, just like that …she was different. Jayne did not know what to say or do, so he just sat there and watched as her eyes seemed to fill with a different kind of light.
She swallowed, and smiled at him. Then she leaned forward, clasping her other hand around his. "See…." She said quietly, " …together the two of us are more than we are apart"
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
"Whatcha mean?" he asked suspiciously, noticing how raspy his voice suddenly sounded, like his throat was parched and had been for days. And there she sat, all cool and calm and so collected, as though she had never been anything else. Her hands were still clasped around his much bigger ones and he could feel her smooth skin covering his. For a second the thought flashed through his mind how things had been in those dreams ….how she had been. How the soft touch of those hands had been able to quiet a storm, just like him. How when she whispered, everything around had become quiet, still, so very still….everything. And kissing her would be like taking in the essence of that quiet, that calmness, like a cool, sweet drink of water.
She smiled at him, just the tiniest bit more, and her hand very still on his.
"Together we cannot just be of use to this ship, this crew …but too each other. Together we are better, smarter, stronger ….but we cannot be afraid. Don't be afraid Jayne…."
He gave a snort, pulling his hands away, but she did not let go. "I ain´t afraid of nothing!"
"I am …" she said quietly, looking down at their hands. That caught him off guard.
"I am afraid this might take me over and consume me like wildfire until there is nothing left of me to burn. Just like you are worried where this might lead you, that it could spin out of control….we have to trust each other."
"I ain´t very big on the trusting side, little girl."
She smiled again, shrugging her small shoulders.
" I know, but we could make this work. Together we could be like …gravity. I dare you ….to be part of this ..To see what we can do….together."
"Why would I .."
"Because you could never resist a challenge, Jayne Cobb!"
