Mucho Thanks to my only reviewer:
p.c.andrews
This one is for you:
Two weeks later, Dumbledore woke up on the floor in the Hufflepuff common room. He glanced around the room. Tom was passed out on the couch across from him. Someone was asleep in the fireplace. Several other unconscious people were littered about the room. The only other person up was this weird bloke named Marilyn who showed up. Almost all the tables lay in splinters. There was a hole in the door to the boy's dormitories where a keg was thrown through. There was a guitar imbedded in the wall, along with half of the drum set, and the Harpsichord was in pieces throughout the room. Marilyn walked over and handed him a plate of scrambled eggs and a fork. "I'm not quite sure where I am, but I managed to find the kitchens. I think I'm hallucinating though, I saw these little green goblins running around in there," Marilyn Manson said curiously. "You must be," Dumbledore replied. Albus turned to his eggs, and when Marilyn's back was turned he did a quick 'poison check' spell. Hmm, I'll have to get Versace to come in next Friday, I suppose the Hufflepuff's can stay in the Great Hall."
Flash back:
Tom and Albus had invited some people they knew over for a jam session. Around 15 people had shown up, including a muggle band. It all started out great, they did some quick duplication charms on the instruments, and proceeded to play. The house elves ran screaming out of the castle, and hid in the forest. A nearby town thought the apocalypse was here, and being Hogwarts, a nearby town wasn't that near. Nine Inch Nails had shown up with several others bearing kegs. The din stopped while everyone became raucously drunk, and broke everything. Dumbledore was dancing on the table, someone was playing the harpsichord, and Tom was brawling with a couple of people. Marilyn Manson showed up with his band in pleather jumpsuits.
Several hours later, Dumbledore and Tom were bidding goodbye to the 30 some guests who had passed out at Hogwarts. "Tea time," Albus mumbled to Tom, and they made their way to the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Several days passed with both Albus and Tom meeting everyday for tea. One day, the topic of the new school year was brought up.
"I've been so caught up with our meetings and our muggle devices that I haven't even found a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Dumbledore complained, "Would you do it? I mean we could find you a proper disguise and all. It's a bit foolish though, but you do have a way with kids."
"I'll consider it," Tom said thoughtfully, "I suppose I could concentrate on Dark creatures, but I think you'll have to find someone else to teach defense against dark spells."
"Excellent, now that that is settled, let's enjoy the tea. Shit, I have to write and opening speech for tomorrow. Plus, the O.C. coincides with the feast. Dammit," Albus was in a grumpy mood again. "Perhaps you could make the speech short, and storm out of there or something. Hey, do you mind if I stay over tomorrow night to watch the O.C. with you, my cable is broken?" Riddle asked, he really didn't want to have to watch it at Lucius' house. "Of course," Dumbledore replied.
The next day, Dumbledore ran about the castle yelling at people. He was upset about the Hufflepuff dormitory, the fact that he still hadn't finished Kill Bill 2, and there was a chance he might miss the O.C. tonight (it was an extremely important episode, as Summer and Cohen were getting back together). Tom wasn't even there to reason with his pointless raging. He bit peeves, yelled at the suits of armor, and pushed the bloody baron through a wall. Being Dumbledore, he was able to touch the ghosts, but he only really threw things at Moaning Myrtle when she wasn't looking.
He stood up quickly made his announcement, embarrassed Colin Creevy, and departed. He made his way to his office, Voldie was already waiting in on of the chairs. He pressed his want to a brick, and immediately the office was transformed into a mini theatre.
"That episode was quite exquisite," Volderz remarked,"All right, I must be off. See you on Sunday for Desperate Housewives!" Dumbledore walked back to the Dining Hall, he had forgotten to inform the Hufflepuffs they would be sleeping on the floor until Saturday, not that they would care. He embarrassed Creevy again, and stalked off to find Minerva.
The morning was rather boring, he introduced Voldemort as Professor Riddlemort, a name he wittily thought of himself. Hhaha, they don't even know who's teaching them. Oh look, there's Harry. We have to have a chat, I need him to put itching powder in the Creevy kid's bed. He's been snooping in my underwear drawer again. Dumbledore accidentally spilled to the entire school the night of the drunken violence in the Hufflepuff common room. That Manson creature is still lurking around here, so I suppose it's good I informed them. Aha, there he is. The Slytherin dungeons, I might have guessed so. It appears he is getting along well with Snape. Not surprising at all. Dumbledore closed up his equivalent of Marauder's Map, and flooed off to the Britney Spears Center for the Dark Arts. He returned 10 minutes later with Volderz to have another dance off. They had moved the plasma screen and the spare DDR controls to an empty classroom, guarded by fluffy. As it was the first day, Voldemort didn't bother to show up to classes.
Two hours later, they were back in the Headmaster's office chatting. There was a soft knock on the door. "Well I'd better get packing, if I'm going to be taking up residence here tomorrow," Voldemort bid good bye, and left. "Enter," Dumbledore said. Harry Potter, Hermione, and Ron entered. "Why is your password herpes?" Ron blurted out. Hermione glared at him, and said, "Ronald Weasely, you will pay for that comment later. In private," She giggled.
The lovely trio of friends had changed a bit over the summer. Hermione and Ron seemed to have an open, S/M relationship. Hermione now wore pleather corsets, short pleather skirts, and knee high boots, you couldn't really tell because she wore school robes over general attire. She was still the same bright girl, just changed a bit on the outside. Ron's appearance was completely changed as well. He now sported a spiked collar, a pleather tank top, and just boxers under his school robes. His red hair had black streaks through it, reminding Dumbledore of Halloween.
"I'm not sure why, I think Filch set my password over the summer. He was rather upset about some muggle disease he received. Anyway, my dumplings, why are you here?" Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.
"Umm..." Harry started, but Hermione cut in. "Professor Riddlemort missed our class today." "Ahh, yes," Dumbledore replied, "He wasn't feeling too well, and needed to get a few things packed up before he takes up residence here. He will only be sleeping here the days he teaches, but he still needs to retrieve his belongings."
"Oh ok," Harry said brightly. "Ooh, Harry, by the way, would you mind putting some of this itching powder in Colin Creevy's bed?" Dumbledore asked. "Not at all," Harry responded, "I'm sure Hermione and Ron'll help too." "Of course we will," Hermione stated. "Excellent, most excellent, that bastard has been going in my underwear drawer again. He stole a little number I got from Minerva last summer," Dumbledore continued. Ron jumped up, "Too much information," he yelled before running out. "Bye, Headmaster," Harry and Hermione called, and followed Ron out.
