Chapter 8 (part 1):
She had never been more confused in her entire life than she was at this precise moment. She felt that if she tore down the walls she had so painstakingly built around her heart in New York, she would fall. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe, this time, someone would be there to catch her.
She had lost sight of everything she had been, everything she could be, for so long. But now that, that person was back in sight, Haley didn't know whether to reach out to her or to forget her altogether.
Nathan had shown her what she was missing. But should she take the plunge or not? Honestly, she wasn't sure if she'd ever know. And that scared her. The possibility of wasting her life away overanalyzing it all. But if she continued living in her present state, wasn't she wasting it away all the same?
Now, she sat wrapped in Nathan's embrace. After standing in the rain for a few minutes, he had suggested they go inside her house and dry off. They had both changed into dry clothes and Haley had walked out to see Nathan sitting on the couch.
As soon as he saw her, he quickly stood and made his way to stand in front of her, reaching out to her once more. And there it was again. Did she accept his gesture or not? He was offering her the uncommon chance to take back the mistakes she'd made in the past three years. But she just couldn't decide if it was right.
What she did know was that being held in Nathan's arms was the only thing that had felt right in a long while. So she let herself be held again. "Sh, it'll be ok," he whispered, rocking her and soothing her hair as she cried.
Her strength was gone and she wondered if it would ever come back. And with the weakness came the tears. Even as he comforted her, they wouldn't be stopped. She simply needed a way to just let it all out and this is what the tears were for. For she had come to learn that, contrary to what she had believed, they were not a weakness. Instead, at times, they could actually serve to strengthen.
She wasn't sure how she had let herself trust Nathan (at least partly), but she had. And, in a way, she was glad. She had someone to lean on. But she couldn't allow herself to get too close. Especially now when she was finally straightening herself out.
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At Mike's house, the group was fishing for information about the encounter between Nathan and Haley. "So, he saw you on top of her and you guys were making out?" Jake asked slowly, trying to make sure he understood.
Mike nodded. Brooke, growing impatient,
said, "And then..." motioning for Mike to continue.
"And
when she saw him, she jumped up."
Luke, getting frustrated himself, prompted, "And..."
"And she looked like she was gonna cry."
Peyton groaned. "Yeah, but what did she do?"
Mike looked as if he understood what they were asking now. "Ohhhhh..." Peyton rolled her eyes, finding it hard to believe how slow the guy was. He cleared his throat, "Well, Nathan ran out looking really mad."
Five faces (Tim, Jake, Luke, Peyton, and Brooke) looked at him expectantly. He remained silent, scratching his head in a confused manner.
"Even I'm not that stupid, dude," Tim said incredulously.
"What?" questioned Mike.
"Did... she... go... after... him?" Peyton gritted out.
"Oh. Yeah," Mike responded.
Brooke sighed in relief, collapsing on the couch as the others just smiled.
"So, what's the story with those two?" Mike asked, clueless as usual. The others looked around uncomfortably, not knowing where to begin. Or if they even should begin.
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It was later that night and Haley had fallen asleep in Nathan's arms on the couch. 'I could stay this way forever,' he thought contentedly as he grasped her tighter to him and planted a soft kiss on the top of her head, stroking her cheek softly. He never wanted to let go of her, not when he had finally broken through, at least somewhat.
His thoughts immediately returned to the situation at hand. He knew he might never understand exactly what Haley was going through, but he also knew he had to respect it. He had always believed that nothing had the ability to change Haley James. Therefore, he was positive that whatever had succeeded in accomplishing this supposedly impossible task had been severe. He knew that it would take time for her to open up to him about it. That she might never be able to. But every word he had spoken to her earlier was true. He needed her. He needed her more than he had ever needed anything. And he would never stop needing her.
She had taught him so much about the good in this world. He used to believe she was the only good left in this world. She was the embodiment of innocence, kindness, beauty, love, compassion, of life itself. She represented the part of life that made it worth living. Without her, he was lost. And he needed her to help him find his way back.
It had always been up to her to pull through for both of them. Now, it was up to him to bring them both out of the darkness they had too easily become accustomed to.
She was his everything. And he couldn't lose her.
