Hey y'all. I decided to update again just for the hell of it. And because a certain someone is going away for 2 weeks and won't be able to read it. (You know who you are :) ) Thank you for the great reviews. You guys rock! Sad to say, just one more chapter after this, than an epilogue and this baby is done... :( There will be a sequel though, so look out for that. Anyways, enjoy:
Chapter 15:
It was strange how time, with all its complications, always seemed to run out. No matter how much you tried to stretch it out, make more of it, there was just never enough.
When she was younger, Haley had always believed she had all the time in the world to do everything she could possibly dream of. Enough time to be famous, see Paris and the Eiffel Tower, to change the world, to cure cancer, to solve all the problems on Earth, and to somehow still manage to fall in love, get married, have children, and lead a perfect domestic life. But she had been sadly mistaken. Now she realized that there wasn't time to do half those things; there wasn't even enough time to accomplish our most realistic goals. And she knew she needed more time to make her decision. But she just didn't have it.
She glanced over at Nathan next to her in the driver's seat And she smiled.
It was still hard for her to believe she had found such an amazing relationship with him. Right now, it was the only thing she had to hold on to; the only thing keeping her from drowning in a sea of indecision. He was her rock.
Suddenly, he looked at her and their eyes met.
And he smiled.
And she smiled.
And everything was OK.
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It was 6:00 PM that Sunday night and the gang sat around at their usual table. "So," Brooke began. "Any ideas for spring break?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about it," Luke said.
"Can't we just stay here?" Peyton whined.
Brooke glared at her, "No, we can not, Peyton," she emphasized the "not."
After a few moments, she continued as though unphased. "Anyway, we have to do something really fun."
"Like……" Peyton shook her head and raised her eyebrows.
"I have an idea," Haley suddenly chimed in.
"How expensive?" Jake asked apprehensively.
She shrugged. "Won't cost you guys a dime." They all shared puzzled glances. She rolled her eyes. "My parents'll pay for it."
"Oh," they all seemed relieved.
"Will there be women?" Tim stupidly asked.
Ignoring him, Haley proceeded to explain her idea to them. "Well, we own this really nice house up in Charleston right on the water. Three stories, huge, really awesome. It's actually better than our one here." They all looked interested, so she plunged on. "We usually rent it out, but I can check to see if it's free for spring break. My parents'll be happy to pay for whatever else we want. And there's some really cool stuff to do there. They have bars and clubs nearby too."
"Sweet," Nathan said beside her.
The others wholeheartedly agreed.
"Alright, so I'll check it out," Haley smiled, glad to be of help.
Brooke beamed. "Great, now that's taken care of, summer plans anyone?"
Nathan groaned, "Brooke, give it a rest already."
Haley sighed and collapsed against him. Brooke pouted.
Tim grinned like an idiot, oblivious to everything going on around him; just happy the group had decided to include him. Haley laughed at the thought. Nathan smiled and softly kissed her still laughing lips. Then, settling back against him, she smiled contentedly.
This was how it should be, how she wished it could be forever. But she knew it would never last that long. At the thought, her smile faded into a frown as she was once again brought to despondent thoughts of the decision she had yet to make. She constantly tried to shove it to the back of her mind; to let it go for awhile and enjoy the company of her friends and Nathan, but it just kept resurfacing. And she didn't know why. Or perhaps she knew why; she just didn't want to.
The truth is never easy, but somehow it had now turned into a dark, ominous, suffocating thing. Because the truth was that this choice would ultimately decide the rest of her life. It would define who she became, who she would always be. She looked around and suddenly, the lights in the café seemed a little dimmer, a little darker, the faces at the surrounding tables suddenly ceased laughing, looking a little sadder, a little more hurt. Nothing felt right.
It was as though she was seeing them; who they were; what we all try so hard to hide: our unhappiness and the reasons for it.
She blinked and the lights brightened, the people seated nearby were once again laughing, their faces again happy and carefree. And Haley knew she'd also gotten just a small glimpse into the life she'd choose if she chose Jack. She shuddered and perhaps for the first time, realized how far away from making a decision she really was. She couldn't choose. She simply couldn't. It was too damn hard.
Thrown into a state of confusion, panic, chaos, she tried to regain control. But her ideas just kept swirling, demanding not to be ignored. What if she was wrong? What if she didn't have the answers? What if she wasn't strong enough to do this? What if she made the wrong choice?
There were so many what ifs, she wasn't sure if she could handle it all. She was drowning in her own thoughts, spinning out of control, slowly slipping away, losing her hold on reality. Until someone grasped her hand. Her eyes flew open to find that it was Nathan. He smiled down at her and kissed her hand, slowly releasing it. She hugged him to her, never wanting to let him go.
All this time, she'd been holding on, clinging to who she'd become in New York, too afraid of what would happen if she didn't; if she opened up - made herself vulnerable. But now it was time to choose. Did she keep holding onto that illusion, or did she finally let go? Letting go would free her, but was freedom really what she needed? Something told her subconsciously that maybe it wasn't. Maybe all her searching and all her revelations were meant only to bring her right back to where she started.
She was so tired of not knowing, of waiting for answers because she knew they all were expecting her to decide. She just didn't know if she could yet.
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The following day in school, she drifted through her classes, barely awake. She had been up all night before, overanalyzing her situation. But no matter how she twisted it, did her best to change it, she always came up with the same answer: she just didn't know. And she was getting tired of it occupying her every thought.
Even when it was at the back of her mind, its presence was still felt in everything she said and did. It was one of those things she just couldn't shake.
What she needed was a distraction. And there was only one person who could give it to her. As the bell rang, dismissing her from 2nd period, she stood and ran from the room, arriving seconds later at Nathan's locker. She saw he was talking to a few teammates, but she disregarded them, tapping his shoulder. He turned and smiled at the sight of a breathless Haley.
With one quick step, she propelled herself into his arms and kissed him. She kissed him with all she had, trying to convey how much she needed him.
He pressed her hard against the row of lockers, hand inching up her smooth thigh.
Tim cleared his throat, but Nathan and Haley, too wrapped up in each other to hear him, didn't stop. The bell ran and the halls slowly emptied, but still they didn't break apart.
Haley placed her hand on his back, pulling him harder against her. They slowly, almost painfully it seemed, pulled apart. He stared into her eyes, breathing heavily.
Pushing off of her, he held out his hand and she took it. And together, they ran, leaving it all behind.
Just for awhile.
