Sorry for the long delay between updates.
This chapter might be better titled Mothers and Sons.
xxxx
It wasn't until Ryan had been wheeled into surgery that Sandy had the time or the energy to think about Seth and Kirsten and contacting them. He'd known that Ryan needed him, so he'd stayed, concentrated on distracting the boy, reassuring him, keeping him calm until the anesthesia took hold.
He'd watched the gurney disappear behind the swinging double doors and stood, bereft for a moment. The numbness settled over him again now that Ryan's immediate well-being was being taken care of by someone else, and it took Sandy a moment to figure out what he should do next.
Kirsten.
xxxx
Sandy opened the door to Ryan's room, and stuck his head inside before entering, smiling tiredly at the tableau before him.
Four hours earlier, Seth had managed to commandeer a large chair from the waiting room and had dragged it into the room, maneuvering it close to the bed for his mother. Then, Sandy had watched as Seth had squeezed into it with Kirsten, folding his lanky body into the chair beside his mother. Sandy opened his mouth to chide his son, but was silenced by a look from his wife.
She shook her head, and with a soft expression on her face, shifted as best she could to provide room for Seth. Twisting slightly, she raised her arm to Seth, who pressed close to her side and put his head on her shoulder. Kirsten wrapped her free arm around her son, even as she continued to stroke Ryan's hand with her thumb.
"Do we just have to wait for him to wake up?" Seth asked quietly, his eyes on Ryan.
"Pretty much, baby." Kirsten answered softly. "It's good for him to be asleep right now." She turned and kissed the top of Seth's tousled head. "We just want to make sure we're here when he wakes up."
Now Seth was asleep. Kirsten's head rested on Seth's, but her eyes were open, watching Ryan. The movement from the door drew her eyes to Sandy, and he eased into the room.
"No change?"
A slight movement of her head told him no.
"Well, that's to be expected." His voice was a whisper as he sank into the chair next to hers. "The doctor said it would probably be tomorrow morning."
"I know, I just…." She trailed off, eyes moving back to the boy in the bed.
"I know." Sandy put his hand on the arm that was curled protectively around Seth.
xxxx
Ryan was uncomfortable. That was all he knew. There was something tickling his nose. He was sleeping on his back, and he never slept on his back. He shifted restlessly and tried to raise his right hand to his face, but couldn't. He frowned groggily trying to figure out why his nose was itching, why he couldn't move his arm. He tried his left arm.
"Hey." A gentle hand took his, guiding it back to his side. "I'm sorry, sweetie, you're going to have to leave that alone."
Ryan moved his head toward the soft, familiar voice. "Kirsten?" His voice was scratchy as he tried to open heavy eyes. He managed to slit his eyes to a position where he could see.
"There you are you." Kirsten had his face in her hands, stroking her fingers against his cheeks. She was pale and slightly disheveled, but she was smiling at him, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Welcome back, sweetheart." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, a small sound like a sob escaping her, as she leaned in to hold him.
Ryan relaxed into her embrace. He was confused, but relieved that Kirsten was there.
Kirsten kissed him again and pulled back, now wiping her tears off his cheek.
"Sorry," she said with a watery smile. "How are you feeling?"
Ryan's eyes shifted uncertainly around the room, before they came back to Kirsten.
"Where are we?" It was a whisper—unsure.
Kirsten smoothed his hair, running the tips of her fingers through it.
"The hospital in Newport." The soothing motion of Kirsten's fingers in his hair didn't stop even as she hesitated. There was something in his eyes that made her vaguely uneasy. "Do you know why you're here?"
Ryan blinked at her for a moment, looked down at his arm in its cast, couldn't remember. "I don't…." His head felt so thick, and he couldn't make himself focus. There was something there, just under the surface, something he should know, something….
Ryan felt his breath start to hitch.
"Shhhhh, baby. It's OK."
"I can't…." She could see the confusion escalating to fear in his eyes, his expression young and vulnerable.
"It doesn't matter, Ryan." Kirsten took his face in her hands. Ryan shifted uneasily under her touch, eyes restlessly moving around the room, his breathing increasingly erratic.
"Shhh." Kirsten whispered, trying to soothe him. "Sweetie, look at me," soft but insistent.
The gentle pressure of her hands forced Ryan to make eye contact. His heart had started to race, and he looked at her desperately, trying to figure out how he couldn't know what had happened.
"What…?"
"Honey, it's OK."
He shook his head uneasily as he took a shuttering breath. "I don't remember," eyes pleading with her.
"It's OK, baby, it's OK. Don't worry about it right now."
Her palms were soft and cool against his cheeks, and her thumbs made soothing circular motions against his temples.
"Just trust me, all right?"
Her voice was low, and Ryan blinked dazedly at her, unsure what was happening. He was frightened by the strange place and the pain in his arm that was beginning to work its way into his consciousness.
But Kirsten's eyes captured his and wouldn't let him go.
She was here; she wouldn't let him go. Staring into her eyes, Ryan felt the panic ease, slowly receding.
"OK?" She said it gently, eyes kind, telling him she would take care of everything.
He nodded now, believing.
"OK."
xxxx
Ryan had fallen back to sleep not long after that. There had been no more talk, just Kirsten's fingers threading softly through Ryan's hair as his eyes drifted closed. Unconsciously, he'd shifted closer to her, one shoulder brushing her hip as she sat on the bed. Unwilling to break the contact, she'd stayed on the bed even after he was asleep, hand resting lightly on his head until Sandy and Seth returned.
Sandy's eyebrows rose in a question when he saw Kirsten on the bed. Kirsten smiled in return and whispered, "He was awake for a few minutes." When Sandy and Seth joined her at the bed, Seth plucked uncertainly at the sheet and peered into Ryan's face.
"Was he OK?" Seth frowned at his mother. "Why is he asleep again?" While Seth managed to keep his voice low, it was still an accusation. He looked at his father for confirmation. "We weren't gone all that long."
Sandy put an arm around Seth's shoulders and drew him in for a quick hug. "I know it's frustrating, but the doctor said he'd probably be in and out for awhile." He glanced at Kirsten. "It's good news, though, that he woke up."
Kirsten nodded, and started smoothing Ryan's hair again.
"He didn't remember what had happened."
Sandy looked at her sharply, as Seth looked anxiously from Kirsten to Sandy.
"Is that normal?" Seth's voice was beginning to rise, and Sandy drew him away from Ryan's bedside with a glance at Kirsten. "Let's go out in the hall."
Kirsten eased off the bed, brushing a kiss on Ryan's forehead. "I'll be right back, sweetheart," she whispered in his ear. It seemed to Kirsten that Ryan made a soft noise in response, brow knitting. Kirsten smoothed his hair and kissed him again. "Don't worry," she reassured him one more time as she followed her husband and son out of the room.
Kirsten closed the door gently behind her.
"What does it mean that Ryan doesn't remember?" Seth was insistent. "Does he have amnesia?" He looked accusingly at his mother. "Have you talked to the doctor? What does he say?"
"I don't know what it means, sweetie," Kirsten tried to reassure Seth. "I haven't talked to the doctor. It felt more important to me to stay with him until you guys were back. I didn't want to leave him alone."
Seth turned to his father.
Sandy reached out and put a steadying hand on Seth's shoulder.
"I'll go find the doctor. Stay here with Mom, OK? I'll be right back."
Seth nodded, gave his mother a stony look, and went back into Ryan's room.
"What…?" Kirsten gave Sandy an astonished look. Sandy raised his eyebrows at her, surprised as well. "What was that about?" He shook his head at her and gave her a brief, hard kiss. "I don't know." He kissed her again. "I'll be back, OK, and we'll figure it out."
Kirsten joined Seth at Ryan's bedside. He was staring down at his friend, the fear and uncertainty written plain across his face. Kirsten ran what she hoped was a soothing hand down his arm, giving his elbow a gentle squeeze. "Sweetie…"
But Seth would not be comforted, moving out of her grasp, crossing his arms tightly across his chest. Kirsten sighed, and let her hand drop. She'd wait until Sandy returned to press her son further. Silence descended on the room. Minutes passed.
"If he has amnesia, will he not know who we are?" Seth's voice was a whisper, and he still wouldn't look at his mother.
Kirsten turned to him when he spoke. "He remembered me. He just didn't remember what had happened." She watched him closely, trying to read his reaction.
He nodded.
"Do you think it's permanent?"
"I really don't know." She paused. "If it is, we'll figure something out." She put an unsteady hand to her face. "All things considered," her voice faltered and she struggled to hold back tears, "maybe it's for the best that he doesn't remember." She trailed off, wiping at the wetness on her cheeks, focused on the boy in the bed. In her mind she imagined the nightmare Ryan had lived through. The tears continued to course down her cheeks and she sank into the chair beside the bed.
"Mom, I'm sorry." Seth crouched down next to her, putting a hand uncertainly on her shoulder. "I didn't…"
Kirsten came out of her daze at Seth's touch, and turned to him, wrapping him in a hug. "Oh, sweetheart. It's OK. We're all scared." She smoothed her hand over his head. "And he's been awake. That's good news, Seth. OK?" He nodded.
"I'm sorry," he said again, holding her tightly. Kirsten returned the embrace.
"I know, baby. It's OK."
xxxx
The doctor hadn't been surprised or alarmed that Ryan wasn't exactly clear on what had happened.
"Remember what he's been through the last week—add to that major surgery and some pretty heavy duty drugs—he's tapped out." The doctor looked kindly at the anxious faces around him. "He'll be more coherent the next time he surfaces. If he continues not to remember, we'll take another look. For now, don't panic. And don't let him panic."
He met Sandy and Kirsten's worried gazes sympathetically. "There'll be time for him to remember soon enough."
xxxx
It was Kirsten who'd been there again when Ryan regained consciousness. Sandy had been near catatonia himself from exhaustion, and Kirsten had tasked Seth with getting his father home and in bed.
"Mom," he'd protested, eyes on Ryan. "I want…"
"Sweetie, I know. I really do, but right now I need you to take care of your father, so I can take care of Ryan."
"I should be here when he wakes up, Mom. I…"
Kirsten had shaken her head, trying to be gentle with him, but she was tired herself and running out of patience.
"Seth, please. If you'll take your father home, I can stay…"
"You take Dad, Mom. I'll stay here. I want…"
"Seth Ezekiel!" Kirsten's sharp voice had cut him off. "This is not about what you want. It's about what Ryan needs. And as happy as he's going to be to see you, what he's going to need when he wakes up is your father. Or me."
Seth had just glared at her, not willing to understand what she was getting at, and she'd sighed.
"Honey, when you first woke up in the hospital last week, who did you want?" She'd asked it gently, but pointedly.
Seth had blinked, blushed.
His head went down.
"You," he'd whispered.
Kirsten's eyes filled, and she reached for him. "Baby, I know I'm not Ryan's real mom, but, I think he's going to need the closest thing he's got right now, OK?"
Seth returned his mother's embrace, nodding his understanding. "You're the best mom he's ever had," he'd said softly. "He'll want you."
And Ryan had.
She'd watched him after Sandy and Seth had left, one hand always in contact with him. Sandy had told her how frightened Ryan had been, how he'd had needed Sandy close, panicked without a constant reminder that Sandy was there. So, Kirsten tried to reassure him now, even as he slept, speaking softly to him, holding his hand, smoothing his hair, never letting him forget that she was there.
Because she was watching so closely, she'd noticed the moment his eyes started to open. She moved closer.
"Hey, baby," she whispered as he eyes began to move under his lids.
The blue eyes that appeared were hooded, sad. He remembers.
"Hey." So soft.
"Are you thirsty, sweetie?"
He nodded, eyes on hers.
She picked up the container on the bedside table, rattled a spoon as she scooped up ice.
"Just chips, for now."
He nodded again, opening his mouth.
He sucked on the ice, letting the cool liquid ease down his throat. He swallowed.
"Seth?"
Kirsten smiled, smoothed his hair. "He'll be here soon. He put Sandy to bed, but they'll be back."
Ryan looked away, and then at her again.
"Is he OK?" he asked brokenly, tears starting down his cheeks.
"Oh, baby," Kirsten moved forward, wrestling down the rails on the side of the bed. She'd forgotten that he didn't know what had happened since he'd been taken. She got as close as she could, wrapped her arms around him, and he leaned forward, into her.
"He's fine. He's going to be fine."
"I'm sorry," he sobbed.
"Sweetie," she crooned, horrified that he would be blaming himself.
"Baby, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault." She rocked him back and forth. "Shhhhhhhh."
She could feel the tremors shaking his body as he cried. Nothing she said seemed to calm him, so she kept up the gentle swaying motion, not knowing what else to do.
As she held him, Kirsten pressed her face into his hair and closed her eyes. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the terror of the last week, at the realization of how close they'd come to losing him. And she started to cry.
"You're safe now. You're safe." She said it over and over, as much for herself as for him, tightening her hold. "We've got you," she whispered.
Ryan quieted eventually, and Kirsten felt more than heard his ragged sigh as he settled into her. They sat in the silence for a long time, Kirsten gently stroking his back as his breathing evened out. She smiled as he scrubbed his face against her shoulder, drying his tears, before he eased away from her.
She put her hand to his face, wiping away the last traces of wetness, and reached for the container of ice chips again.
"Here." She gave him another spoonful. He took it gratefully, and opened his mouth for another after the first had dissolved.
Ryan leaned back, exhausted.
"Are you having any pain, sweetie?"
There was a pause as he considered the question, then he nodded slightly, and she could see it in his eyes.
"Let me call the nurse."
The nurse was quick and efficient, checking Ryan's vitals and adjusting his meds. When she left, Kirsten smoothed out his covers, and settled into the chair next to the bed.
"Better?"
Ryan nodded, watching Kirsten, even as his eyes started to droop again. Kirsten smiled as he struggled to keep his eyes open.
"Go back to sleep, sweetie. Seth and Sandy will be here when you wake up."
