Chapter Six
Glancing around guiltily, I knelt to my knees in the attic and opened the box.
The first things I found where baby things-things the three of us had all played with. Next was clothing, baby clothes mixed with teenager things. I found an old cheerleader outfit, almost identical to the one I wore, a basketball. My heart in my throat, eventually I found a silk, crumpled wedding gown.
At the bottom of the box I found a portfolio. A simple black folder filled with sketches. From the signature on some of them, I recognized them as my mother's. I sat back on my heels to pursue them.
They depicted angst. A teenage Brooke said that her boyfriend just wanted to be friends. A boat grew farther away as a little girl grew larger. Mom's father? He had died before my birth, and Lauren was unofficially named after her. Three teenagers shot guns at a heart around a number three. Why three?
I paused at one. Two hands, one female and one male, were crossed over one another. Both sported wedding rings.
But sometimes they come back.
What did that mean?
"Callie?" called a voice. It didn't occur to me to hide, or shove the picture back in the box. I was lost in it.
Mom joined me in the attic.
"Cal, what are you doing in here? It's filthy," she said, coming to sit beside me.
"Mom, what does this mean?" I asked quietly. I felt her eyes move to the drawing, heard her swallow nervously.
"I drew it for Uncle Nathan," she said. I glanced at her, question in my eyes.
"He was sad."
"Why?"
"Look at the date, sweetie," she requested. I did, and calculated.
"That's what… five months after he married Haley? What was wrong?" I asked.
"She left him," she said slowly.
"What? No she didn't, she's still here," I said.
"I know, Brooke and I went to New York to bring her back. I drew the picture when Nathan was depressed, barely existing," she explained.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I managed to ask.
"Haley didn't want you guys to know. She wanted it to disappear, because she was ashamed," explained Mom.
"Sawyer doesn't know?" I asked in surprise.
"If Sawyer knew, he'd have told you," said Mom.
"This doesn't make sense," I said suddenly.
"What?"
"This picture. If you'd have given it to Uncle Nathan, it would be in their house. But it's not, it's here. Are you lying to me?" I asked, aghast. Mom had always treated me as much like an equal as she could.
"No! He gave it back!"
"Why?"
"Because I was sad," she said reluctantly. What was she telling me?
"Mom…" I said warningly. She put an arm around me, but I shrugged it off.
"Because your father wasn't around, and I was worried he never would be again," she admitted.
"He left you?" I squeaked.
"I deserved it."
"How? What could you possibly have done?" I asked. Her eyes slid heavenward, up into a skylight on the ceiling.
"I kissed Lucas Scott," she said. I gasped.
"When?"
"June, 2004," she said. I calculated.
"I was conceived?"
"Just barely."
"How could you do that?" I managed to ask.
"Lucas was my first love. And I've always sucked with commitment, and I was scared of being with Jake," she said. I stared.
"What? You were scared of commitment? Then why the hell did you get married at eighteen?" I demanded.
"That's a long story. How are you feeling Cal?" she asked, obviously concerned. She touched me knee gently, but I stood up.
"Don't call me that. Don't you dare."
"Callie…"
"Be quiet."
"Let me explain!" she begged.
"I don't want to hear it. Ever," I declared.
"Callie please!"
"No! How dare you?" I asked, running from the room, down the stairs and out of the house.
Suddenly, without meaning to, I ended up at the Scott mansion. I rushed in the door. Haley greeted me and quickly noticed my tear streaked face.
"Callie what's wrong?" she asked in concern. I glared at her.
"Don't even talk to me," I ordered, heading for the stairs. She ran to catch up, and took my arm. She was around my height, only a bit taller.
"Callie what's wrong?" she asked.
"I can't even look at you," I said angrily.
"Callie! I've known you since the day you were born. I helped raise you, I love you as much as my own child. Tell me," she begged. I turned to her.
"Mom told me everything," I said simply.
"About Nikki?" she said, her eyes bugging.
"Who's Nikki?" I asked curiously. Her eyes grew rounder, and she seemed to regret her words.
"No one of consequence. What did Peyton say?"
"That you left Uncle Nathan. How could you do that to him?"
"Because I was stupid. I've regretted it a thousand times since then but it's in the past now," she said. I wasn't angry at her so much as my mother-she was just around to bear the blame.
"You love him. He loves you," I said.
"I know. That's always been true. But for god's sake, I was sixteen. Your age. I couldn't do it. But it was such a long time ago. What else did she say?" I asked.
"That she kissed Lucas, and Daddy left her. After she had Jenny, Haley. After I was conceived. How could she do that?"
"She made a mistake. They'd gone out before, no one can forget their first love," she quoted.
"When they were what, fifteen?"
"I'm not getting into that. That's all she told you?" she asked nervously.
"What else could there possibly be? I'm going upstairs," I said. She nodded, realizing slowly what I was about to tell her son.
Sawyer was at his desk, studying, when I entered, but stood up and turned around. I threw myself into his arms, sobbing. He held me confusedly.
"Callie? What happened? Who was it?" he asked soothingly.
"No one, stupid. Mom… she…" I stuttered. He half carried, half dragged me to the bed.
"She did what? Did you get in a fight?" he asked.
"Yes. But she kissed Lucas BJ! She kissed him!"
"What, just recently?" he asked, bewildered.
"No. Years ago, after Jenny was born and just after they got married. She was kissing him! What if I'm not Daddy's?" I said in fear.
"You are, you're just like him. She kissed Lucas? I can't believe that. You can stay here if you want. How did you find out?" he asked. He tucked my loose hair behind my ear.
"I found this picture. Oh, she gave it to your Dad, when your Mom left him," I said bitterly.
"What?"
"Your Mom left him seventeen years ago, and then Brooke and Peyton dragged her back and then they got back together, I guess," I said. He seemed somehow less bothered about this than I had been.
"Wow. Anything else?"
"Just one thing. I told your Mom that my Mom had told me everything and she mentioned someone named Nikki," I said.
"Probably nothing important. I mean, it seemed as though if Peyton wanted to tell you anything she might as well have told you everything, right?" he said.
"Yeah. But why did Haley immediately jump to that? It can't be completely inconsequential," I argued.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked worriedly. I leaned against his broad chest, and felt him rest his chin on the top of my head.
"Not immediately. But I can't go home right now," I said. I felt his nod on my scalp.
"Stay then. For as long as you need," he suggested.
"As long as forever?"
"Squirt, you're my best friend. You always will be. If forever's what you need, forever's what you'll get," he said.
"I love you BJ," I said , snuggling into his chest. He laughed.
"I love you too," he said.
Hours later, I found myself in Sawyer's hoodie, tucked into his bed with morning sun streaming in the windows. Rolling over, I could see him at the door, conversing with someone.
"No, she's not ready," he said firmly.
"Not your decision," said a voice. My Mother's.
"It's what she wants," he repeated.
"Sawyer, let me talk to her," insisted Mom. I heard her push her way through, and she came to sit beside me on the bed. I rolled around to face away from her.
"What are you doing here?"
"Haley told me you were here," she said.
"Okay, I'll kill her later," I said.
"Don't. Sweetheart, talk to me," she begged.
"I can't talk to you. I don't trust you anymore. Am I Daddy's daughter?" I asked.
"Yes."
"And Jenny is as well?"
"Yes," she answered slowly.
"It wasn't… carnal?" I asked awkwardly.
"Never," she swore.
"Was I a mistake?" I asked her. She recoiled slightly.
"You were a surprise," she admitted.
"A regret?"
"Never. I love you Callie. We all do."
"How could you not tell me?" I asked.
"When could it have been possible?" she asked. I hated to admit that she was right.
"I can't believe you did that to Daddy," I said.
"It was horrible, and I wish it had never happened. But I was afraid of what being with Daddy might mean," she said.
"And what's that?"
"That I'd have to trust him," she said. She reached over and handed me a drawing. Seven teenagers around a campfire-I recognized Brooke sitting in Mouth's lap, Mom sitting with Daddy, Nathan and Haley and Lucas by himself.
"This is what we really are," she said. I stared a the closeness the picture managed to convey.
"Mouth and Brooke?"
"They were completely in love for a while," she said.
"Why didn't they get married?" I asked curiously.
"Not everyone marries their first love," she said.
"Right-just Nathan and Haley and Daddy," I said bitterly.
"No, I wasn't Daddy's first love," she said.
"What? Who was? Oh, don't tell me-Haley right?" I asked sarcastically.
"No. A woman named Nicole Turner," she said. I nodded.
"What happened to her?" I asked.
"She disappeared."
