Chapter Fifteen
"So are you ever going to forgive her?" I asked that night as I sat between my sisters, braiding Lauren's hair and having mine braided.
"I have," said Jenny nonchalantly.
"You haven't. You called her Peyton today," I reminded her.
"Well she isn't my mother."
"She is! She's totally your mother," I said defensively. Lauren yelped and I realized I'd been gripping her hair anxiously.
"She's my stepmother," said Jenny. I winced, and saw Lauren stiffen.
"No, she's your mother. She's raised you since you were six months old, she got married to keep you away from Jenny," I recited.
"As far as I can tell, this was Daddy's choice that Mom never fully went behind but agreed with because it was so much easier or something. So it's completely cruel of you to torture her instead of him. You're good with him. Or even if you're pretending to be, it's driving mom crazy," I stated.
"You're a spy, aren't you?" she asked suspiciously. I made a noise of frustration.
"I'm just trying to help!" I cried.
"Don't," she advised.
"Callie's right. This isn't Mom's fault," said Lauren calmly.
"How the hell do you guys off advising me on something like this?" asked Jenny. I twisted around to face her.
"Well, the fact that I'm conceivably the child of Lucas Scott makes me something you can sympathize with, no?" I said.
"You're Daddy's. It's obvious," said Jenny dismissively.
"Up until a month ago we all thought you were Mom's. We even thought you looked like her. A month ago, the idea of Lucas being my father was just as inconceivable as you being someone other than Mom's," I said coolly.
"Didn't Mom say specifically that you were Daddy's?" said Lauren.
"He was right there. What else would she say?"
"Good point. You know if you were Lucas', the two of you wouldn't be sisters?" asked Lauren. My eyes met Jenny's brown ones. It had occurred to me. I reached out to hug my sister.
"You look a lot like both of them," I said, glancing into the mirror. The curliness of my hair suggested my Mother, though hers was curlier, in ringlets while mine borderlined on wavy. And she was a fake blonde, though my almost white blonde hair was natural. And there was my short stature, like neither of our parents. My green eyes were a mystery to all, my heart shaped face was remotely like my grandmother's. I was naturally thin like Mom, but everything else made me look different from everyone. If someone were to see us together they'd have thought that I was the one who wasn't related, not Jenny.
Maybe because Jenny looked so very much like Daddy. Or because Lauren looked exactly like Mom, except with Daddy's brown eyes. These thoughts unsettled me late at night when I thought of Lucas Scott, and what it would make Sawyer to me.
Later I left the room to go brush my teeth, and walked past my parent's room on the way back. As I heard my name, I stopped to listen.
"You know, they're both past the age you had her at," remarked Mom through the door.
"Yeah, it occurs to me pretty often," admitted Dad.
"They're good kids," said Mom sleepily.
"I can't believe you'd say that about Jen right now," he said.
"Yeah, well, I have to be accepting. This is a big deal," she said.
"Well you know, they may be past my year, but not past the first time you had one," he said, laughing. I heard her swat him.
"Yeah well, your fault entirely," she said. I winced-they were talking about me.
"Oh, really? I still blame the white prom dress," he said teasingly.
"Oh yeah? Otherwise we wouldn't have her?" asked Mom jokingly. Okay, ew.
"Maybe not. But there is one thing besides the dress…"
"Oh, and what's that?" she asked provocatively.
"The girl inside of it," he said. She giggled, and I ran away as I realized what they were up to.
"What's going on with you and Rhys?" I asked Jenny later as we lay in bed, waiting for sleep.
"Nothing. We'll get back together soon," she said sleepily.
"He doesn't mind that you made out with Sawyer?"
"No, one of us always strays just after we break up. If we didn't, we couldn't be entirely sure that both of us wanted to get back together," she said.
"Interesting. You know I'd scoff you for having such a… sporadic relationship, but mine are no better," I admitted.
"Oh, they will be," she said. This I chose to ignore.
"Apparently I was conceived on prom night," I said. A giggled escaped her throat, and I lobbed a teddy bear at her.
"I'm sorry, but that's hilarious. And so cliché. But at least they were already married," she said, with only slightly detectable remorse.
"You're lucky, you know, that Nikki ran away and Mom raised you instead. Growing up with her would have messed you up," I commented.
"Maybe if Nikki hadn't run away, and she'd grown up with me, she wouldn't have turned to prostitution," said Jenny.
"I know it's hypocritical, but we can't wonder about what ifs. The fact is that she did become a druggy, and a prostitute, and a bitch," I said.
"But she's my mother," she protested.
"No, she was. Now she's just there. Why do you need her?"
"Because Mom isn't being my Mom, and I need one," she said. In the moonlight I could see a tear escape down her cheek and I transferred from my bed to hers to comfort her.
Long after she'd fallen asleep, I lay awake. I still didn't truly know what she was thinking. I didn't even know what I was thinking. What would I think, were I in her shoes? If Lucas turned out to be my birth father, would I call him Dad? Would I ignore him, for never coming clean with the truth? How would I regard my own father, and Jenny when she wasn't a real relation? Though real relation doesn't mean much in my world. I called my parent's best friends my Aunts and Uncles, Karen my Grandmother, Sawyer my brother.
As I thought of this my thoughts went to Brooke, and how after I'd heard about her home and life, my life had suddenly become dramatic and I'd ceased to think about her and how miserable she was underneath her ideal life. That had seemed like such a huge deal to me once, and I hadn't thought about it in weeks.
