AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is pretty much how they go; very very very short. It doesn't make much sense now, but will later.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine unless it is, what's not mine is J. K. Rowlings. What's mine is shite.


Hormonal Half-Wits

Chapter 2: Remus


I hate my brothers.

So, mum decided that since Ron is still digging dancing penguins from his arse and Fred and George are beginning to resemble broccoli (or what it looks like when I try to cook…), that I should come down from my nice, cozy, comfy room and start 'helping out around here'.

Oooh…

So I shoved you into my pocket for safekeeping and I've helped out some…not that mum will find the little doxy eggs I nestled in with the wreaths and ornaments exactly helpful come next year, but…

Funny thing was, I was technically 'caught' in the act…and yet still managed not to get in trouble. Yes, I am a child prodigy. I don't think Fred and George were ever this ingenious in their schemes…yeah they were great, but they almost always got caught.

Sometimes an innocent face and wide eyes are incredibly useful…

I guess I'm just lucky that it was Remus who 'caught' me. He came in the room just as I started stuffing the eggs up Santa's nose. Seemed to find it highly amusing, actually. He even stayed and watched…I think he wanted to help…

After I had finished, he stayed and talked to me for a while. He talked about the things he did at Hogwarts to make Christmas absolute hell for the Slytherins…didn't seem too overly proud of it... Quite the devil in his own days. And I was shocked to find out how much younger he is than dad…I don't know why, but I always figured everyone from Hogwarts had been in the same year…Sirius, Remus, Harry's dad, that bloody wanker Wormtail, Snape, Malfoy Sr., the bastard, mum and dad…Remus told me he wasn't ever at Hogwarts with either of my parents, which is quite shocking…

I don't really know why, but it is.

Let's see…that would make him…in his early 40's, then…wow. He looks like shit for his age. Poor man…it's because he's so tired and worn-looking all the time…and the werewolf thing's been weighing heavier than ever on him. Poor man. Even dad looks younger…

We were talking about Quidditch and brooms when Ron came hobbling bandy-legged into the room. Gave me quite a start when I saw how close Remus was…I hadn't even noticed him moving…Ron gave us this weird look.

However, I don't have time to figure out Ron's own unique language of stupidity and idiocy…I have more chores to do. Seems Snape, Moody, Tonks, Kingsley, Emmeline, Zabini, and Malfoy arrived looking for a warm after-Christmas meal, in addition to me, the family, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna, Neville, Remus, and Dumbledore.

Poor mum needs help in the kitchen now, and I think she had a hard time of deciding out of me and Tonks who would be the most destructive in the kitchen. Damn Tonks and her clumsiness…so now I'm off to the kitchens to help wreak havoc. Still, poor mum has to put up with the heated mixture of Gryffindors and Slytherins…almost makes me feel bad about those doxy eggs…