A/N: I am SO lazy. How long has it been since my last update? well, a few days. but besides that one? THREE MONTHS. THREEE MONTHS. xD Yuh. And I just decided to update this story cush its hella tight. xD
Chapter Three: Enter the Rubber Ducky
"Oh, Draaaco!" Narcissa called.
Draco sighed. "Yes, mother?"
"Would you be a dear, and go...play with your friends?"
"...Friends?"
She stared at him. "...Honey, you have friends. You have...uh...Crabbe and Goyle!"
Draco stared right back at her. "Uh. They're not my friends. They're my...henchmen!"
"...Then go play with your henchmen. I need some...me time."
"You mean you need to get back at dad for swimming naked in a pool of stolen rubber duckies with Voldemort by hiring a prostitute named Michael."
"That's right, hun. ...Wait. HOW'D YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? ...I mean. Uh...uh...NO I'M NOT!"
But Draco was already gone.
-
Minerva rushed into Dumbledore's office. "ALBUS! WE HAVE A SITUATION!"
"Yes?" he was sitting at his desk in his underwear. ...And a red cape.
"Our potions teacher...and our Quidditch teacher...have disappeared!"
"I'M ON IT!" he yelled. He flew out the window. "CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS AWAAAY!"
Minerva casually walked over to his desk and took a few papers, then left the room.
-
"Sooo...Hoochie, what do you like to do in your spare time?" Severus inquired.
"Oh, I like to do lots of things! Like playing Quidditch! And reading books about Quidditch! And riding broomsticks! And racing on broomsticks! And teaching how to ride broomsticks! ...How about you, Sevvy?"
"Oh, me? I like mixing potions. Well, that's not all I like to do, but that's pretty much all I can do now. I wanted to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but they wouldn't let me."
The two were sitting down at an ice-cream parlor. They had separate seats for each of their rubber duckies. The people around them tried not to stare.
"So, where do you think we should hide our rubber duckies? There's nowhere in our world that's safe from Voldie..." said Rolanda.
"Oh, that's no problem. I have a little storage place in the Muggle World. I'll take you there later. I'll even give you a spare key, since you found them."
"Oh, thank you, Sevvy!" she flung her arms around him.
"So...Rolanda. What do you say we-" he was cut off by a loud...farting...noise...?
"NEVER FEAR! CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS IS HERE!" Dumbledore flew over to them and landed on their table...with a loud crash.
"Er...Hi...Dumbledore?" Rolanda was a little taken aback. "Are you not aware that we're completely surrounded by Muggles?"
"Oh well," he said with a shrug. "Minerva said you two went poof. We need you back at the castle."
"...Oh." Rolanda sounded disappointed. "Well, I guess we have to go with him, then. Come, Sevvy."
-
Lucius and Voldie were still swimming in their pool of rubber duckies.
"Lucius...when you're with your wife...do you ever imagine that she's me?" asked Voldie.
"Not a day goes by when I don't, my love."
Voldie stared. "Lucius...you know..." he paused. "Why don't you just...DIVORCE her? I mean, it's not like she doesn't already know you're in love with me. And I'm sure she's having an affair, too."
Lucius looked at him like he was crazy. "How DARE you suggest such a thing! My wife and I VALUE our relationship. She would never have an affair! When we got married, we promised we'd remain loyal to each other for the rest of our lives! Do you ACTUALLY think she'd go and do something like that to me!"
Voldie looked as if he were about to cry. "You mean...your relationship with Narcissa...is more important than your relationship with me?"
"...Uh, yeah? She's kind of my wife?"
"THEN GET OUT OF MY POOL!" Voldie cried. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"
Lucius burst into tears. "BUT VOLDIE, I LOVE YOU! WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!"
"AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I'VE EVER LOVED ANYONE! BUT NARCISSA, A WOMAN, IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN I!"
"B-But, it's against our vows to-to-"
"GET OUT!"
Blubbering, Lucius got out of the pool. (Readers, shield your eyes!) He dried off and put his clothes back on. (Okay, you can look now.) Then he left.
Voldie cried. "I just lost the one thing that makes my life worth living..." then he looked around at his rubber duckies. "...Who the hell am I kidding!" he swam around in them and sang happily.
-
xD that chapter was a little odd. Review, review, review. My lovelies.
