Chapter 3: Discussions
'Then we will get you a new wand Harry.' Said Tonks as she moved off the chair to sit beside Harry on the bed again, slightly stumbling over a loose floorboard. 'We will work through this. I know Sirius's death hit you hard and your afraid you'll make another mistake, But his death was not your fault Harry' She was starting to wonder why he had not moved more then his head since he woke up.
'How can you say it's not my fault, Tonks?' Whispered, Harry. 'He went to the Department of Mysteries to save me. If I wasn't there to begin with he would still be alive'
'That may be true, Harry. But don't take the blame for something that wasn't your fault. Save that blame for Voldemort, He has tricked older and wiser wizards and witches then you and I, and will do so again before this war is over.'
'I just miss him, Tonks. I didn't even get to tell him goodbye or that I loved him.'
'He knows, Harry. Just the same as your parents know you love them. You will never stop missing them Harry, but once you accept they are gone it does get easier to keep living. Your parents died protecting you. Sirius died the same way, fighting the dark side and protecting you. To them there was no better way to die. I see so much of them in you Harry. You would rather throw yourself in harms way then see a friend or loved one hurt. Don't belittle what they have done for you by blaming yourself for there deaths and forgetting to live your own life.'
'How can I have a life with this damn prophecy hanging over my head? Victim or murderer, thats what it comes down to, Tonks'
'Harry, would you consider killing a rabid dog murder? That's all Voldemort is now, Just a mad beast that needs to be put down before it hurts more people. He's not even human anymore.'
'Your right about that one. He's about as close to human as I am to a Goblin. But I still have no idea how I could possibly win against him.'
'If you let me help I promise we will find a way, Harry. I will not let you face this alone and I'm sure Ron and Hermione won't let you stand alone either and don't even think about pushing your friends away, Harry. If they want to stand by you and you want to be a true friend you will accept there decisions.'
'It won't be that easy Tonks. My first instinct is to push everyone out, to keep everyone from harm. But they followed me to the Department of Mysteries even when I told them not to. Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Luna they are true friends. They all knew it could be a trap, but they wouldn't let me face it alone. I'll need all the help I can get Tonks. I know I won't be able to do this on my own.' said Harry as he reached and took her hand in his. 'Will you still help me Tonks?' He was looking at her with pleading eyes as he held her hand.
'Of course I will Harry,' she smiled and squeezed his hand gently. 'First things first, Time to get up, we have a lot of shopping to do today, since the only things you own now are the clothes on your back. We'll start with a wand. Can't have the savior of the wizarding world walking around without a wand can we?'
'Sure, soon as I'm able to move I'll get up'
'What do you mean by that Harry? Why can't you move?'
'Well I don't know what it is but every day since I got back I wake up with this odd pins and needles sensation like when your foot falls asleep and starts to wake up. I get it in my whole body and it makes it rather uncomfortable to move until it goes away. It normally only lasts about 15 minutes to a half hour, but I've been awake for two hours now and its just starting to go away.'
"Oh MY! Harry. That's unheard of, two days, three at the most, no longer then 5 minutes. I must tell Professor Dumbledore, He will want to talk to you about this. Do you know what this means Harry? It's a magic power surge. Your magic is growing; only the most powerful witches and wizards go through a power surge like that. I don't think anyone in history has gone through one that has lasted so long.'
'What are you talking about Tonks? My magic is growing? Only the most powerful? Are you saying I'm going to be as powerful as Dumbledore? You're mad! Theirs is absolutely no way.'
'The power the dark lord knows not' Tonks thought to herself. 'Trust me Harry, if I'm right you are going to be even more powerful then Dumbledore. I'll go get him. I'll be back as soon as I can Harry.'
With out even realizing it she bent down and kissed Harry on the cheek 'Wait for me.' she whispered in his ear.
With those words Tonks abruptly stood up, tripped over the night stand as she stepped away form the bed and disapparated with a soft pop leaving one very confused Harry behind.
Ten minutes later Harry was finely able to fight through pins and needles to get out of bed. After a shower he was starting to get back into the clothes he had on. Just as he was putting on his pants he realized that they were about 5 inches too short now. Puzzled by this he glanced in the mirror, what he saw he didn't expect. It wasn't because his face hadn't changed all that much, maybe a little shaper, a little older looking. It was his glasses, or lack there of. He didn't have them on. He realized he mustn't have had them on since he had woken up and saw Tonks sleeping right beside him feeling her hand in his hair. He wore no glasses however he could see perfectly fine. Still startled by this he looked at the rest of himself. He was taller, he estimated around about six foot even now, broader shouldered. He stood straight and tall, his muscles were more defined now, not that of a body builder but of a trim athlete. He was still on the skinny side but it suited his frame well, it seemed like a good nights sleep with dreams he could not quite remember, and a lot of uncomfortable pins and needles had washed away the years of malnutrition and neglect at the hands of the Dursleys.
When he got back to his room after goggling at other parts of his body that were larger then he remembered them the night before he was not all that surprised to find Tonks and Albus Dumbledore waiting for him.
Tonks looked up when Harry walked in and her mouth dropped open in shock. He had not put his shirt back on when he got out of the shower. His pants, while short were still far too wide. Had he not been holding them up with one hand while the other, was still trying to dry his hair with a towel, they would have dropped to his ankles. As she stood there taking in his cut form and bear chest she had to hold her self back from walking right up to him and start rubbing her hands allover his body to find out if other things were as hard as his muscles seemed to be.
'Hello, Harry. I see you're looking remarkably well today.' said Dumbledore as he examined Harry as he walked in.
'Better then to be expected I guess' Harry said as he finished toweling off his hair and sat on his bed 'I was thinking while I was in the shower, about what Tonks and I were talking about before she left. She was right, I just can't run away from my problems, they would just follow me. The best I can do is take it one day at time, with the help of my friends I can try and deal with what comes my way. I have to learn all that I can so then the next time Voldemort comes for me I'll have a better chance at ending this war with the least amount of lives lost. Death comes to us all, there is no way to stop it, but it's how we die, and what we die for and how we spend our lives and what's left of it that is important.
'I do not think I have ever been prouder of you then I have at this moment Harry. That is a very wise way of looking at it. But remember Harry, Train and learn all you can, ask for help along the way from friends and professors. Just do not forget to live Harry, Have fun, break a few rules, be happy and find love. For without happiness and love there would be nothing worth saving.
'I will headmaster. Actually I'm going to start to work on both of them very soon.'
The headmaster saw Harry's eyes dart over to Tonks for a split second before sharply bringing them back to rest at the headmaster. His eyes twinkled merrily. 'That's very good Harry. Another thing, Miss Tonks here has taken a vacation from her job as an Auror this summer and has asked me to allow her to stay with you until it is time for you to return to school. She did not feel it was a good time for you to be alone, and I feel she is right. With her with you as an order member and an Auror she can escort you anywhere you want to go. But I do think the decision should be left up to you. Would you like for Miss Tonks to stay? Or would you rather be left to your own devices?'
'STAY!' Harry yelled 'err I mean yes ... ah ... I would like her ... to umm ... stay. Err... if she wants to that is.'
'Of course I'll stay Harry. It was my idea after all' Tonks said beaming at him
'Thanks' Harry said still blushing a little at his outburst
'Very well, Harry, now onto other matters. Nymphadora tells me you have just about come into your full magic power, Harry. Can you tell me when the first time you noticed the changes being made to your body and magic?'
Harry thought for a second then said 'Well I just noticed the changes today in fact, when I got out of the shower. But looking back I guess it was the day after I got back from school. At first I woke up with the pins and needles. After they went away, that took about 15 minutes; I was putting on my clothes and noticed that the pants were about two inches to short. But headmaster why is my body changing and why is my magic growing?'
"Well Harry not everyone that comes into there full magical power changes physically. It happens to every witch or wizard around the age of 16 or 17. Some more so then others as you can tell by experience now. Most do not even realize they have come into their full power. But when someone has a great deal of magical reserve it can do many interesting things. Such as unlocking magical skills that laid dormant inside you, and much more. It seems so far your magic has saw fit to fix what your body has suffered at the hands of the Dursleys, something that I shall never forgive myself for needing to do. As you stand before me is how you should have always been without being force to live in a cupboard for 11 years and were being fed full meals.'
'I forgive you if you please forgive me for my outburst in your office; I had no right to do that. I don't blame you professor, I'm done passing the blame to those it doesn't belong to including myself. Any and all blame in this war falls to Voldemort for making us make choices we don't want to make. But what's this about my magic unlocking skills I have? And how will I know when my magic stops growing?
'Trust me, Harry. With the amount of magic that has been building up in side you, when it finally takes its hold and merges with your magical core it should be a site to behold' the old headmaster said with his eyes twinkling merrily. 'When my magic took hold it decided to fill the sixth year dorm room with lemon drops about waist deep.' Dumbledore said chuckling at the memory. Harry and Tonks laughed too 'Magic can be a funny thing when it wants to be. And as for the skills that can be unlocked it is almost limitless as long as you were born with the ability in the first place, and is normally what you need most. Essentially almost every witch or wizard is born with one or more gifts, rare or not, but most never find out about them and they remain locked. It could be anything from seer powers to Animagus forms. I could scan you to see what, if anything, your magic is working to unlock. Would you like me to do that?
Harry thought for a second. It would be better then finding out on my own, I could get books about them when we go to Diagon Alley to read up on what I will be able to do and how to do it. 'Will it hurt?' he asked.
'Not at all, Harry. It will only take a minute and you will not feel a thing.' Dumbledore replied.
'Then go ahead. If there is anything I can pick up some books on them when Tonks and I go to Diagon Alley.'
'That's a great idea Harry' Tonks said smiling at him 'But first thing is to get you a new wand, then clothes, then books or anything else you might want.'
'I quite agree Nymphadora, but, Harry I must warn you, you will find shopping with a woman to be a difficult thing indeed. There priorities at times can be somewhat lacking.' The headmaster said with a glint in his eye and a wide smile on his face.
Tonks just made a loud 'HUMPH' noise and stuck her tongue out at him. After they all stopped laughing Dumbledore stood and asked Harry if he was ready and to lie down on the bed. He then held one hand over Harry's head, the other over his chest and chanted something under his breath that no one in the room could make out. He chanted for about five minutes straight. After he was finished chanting he looked at Harry with wide eyes as he sank into one of the chairs he conjured for Tonks and himself when they had first arrived.
'Well, that was very... interesting, Harry' Dumbledore said. The expression on his face was imposable to read. 'Besides a few very rare gifts that will be unlocked when your power comes to its fullest. The amount of magical power you will have is eminence. I just have one thing to say. I am now and forever will be glad you are on the light side.'
Really long A/N sorry but has to be explained
I have been getting quite a few reviews which is great thanks to all who R/R
More then one person has commented on how fast Harry accepted Sirius's death in chapter 3. Well the truth is I'm drawing from my own life experience with a death that affected me in such a way I wanted to end it all.
FLASH BACK INTO AUTHORS LIFE
I am 23 years old. I am standing in the middle of a hall in the hospital, watching through a small window into a surgery room as they perform an emergency C section on my wife.
10 minutes later my twin sons were born. A nurse came to me and took me to see one of my sons. 9 weeks early and he was 3lbs even. He was sleeping and in an incubator. I reached through a port hole and touched his small hand. I smiled, he was ok. I turned to the nurse and asked to see my other son. The nurse looked at me sadly and told me that he was born without a heartbeat and that they were performing CPR on him. My brain shut down right there. That was not something I was prepared to hear. I was brought back to reality 10 minutes later when the doctor came to me and told me my second son was breathing and had a heartbeat again. I smiled and asked to see him. I convinced myself that all was right in the world again the doctor took me to see "Tyler" that's what we were naming him. 2lbs 3oz. he was at birth. I tried not to notice all the IV's, ventilator and other equipment helping to keep him alive. The doctor tried to tell me he probably wouldn't make it through the night, but I didn't listen. This was MY son! MY baby boy! Of course he was going to live.
Tyler fought like a war vet for every breath he took... for 9 and 1/2 hours. It was just too much for him. Acid had built up in his blood from lack of oxygen when he had no heartbeat. I was numb. I had lost a son twice in less then 10 hours. I couldn't feel any emotion. They took my wife and I and our closest friends and family into a closed room. I sat there staring blankly at them while all the people around me cried. 3 minutes later a nurse came in holding my son. The nurse laid him in my wife's arms. She told her and everyone in the room to take as much time as we needed. I looked to my wife who was holding our child and crying. I couldn't even move to try and comfort her. I watched as she pasted him around to the others in the room. Everyone was grieving for my son. Then he was passed to me. I looked to my little baby boy. I was angry. I wanted to destroy everyone in that hospital right then and there. WHY? Why did MY son have to die? He wasn't even in this world long enough to harm anyone. I wanted to die myself it hurt so much. I cried and cried till it felt like the tears would never end. There was a pain in my heart I thought would never heal. I couldn't take it anymore; I had to get out of there. I handed my son back to my wife and told her I was going for a walk. I headed out the door. I walked around for what felt like days but was little less then 1/2 an hour. I was thinking of how wrong the world was, what was the use of living in a word that was so unfair? That's when my thoughts drifted to my daughter.
"Tessa" 3 years old and still innocent as the day she was born. "She will die one day" I thought. I thought to my other son "Troy" Tyler's brother. "He will die one day too. My wife will die, my mom will die, everyone I know will die one day. I myself will die." I kept thinking about that. It was just going to happen, no way around it, you just can't stop death. So what was I to do? I did the only thing I could do. Accepted it. When the funeral came 4 days later, I lowered Tyler into the ground; he was buried in a casket made out of a small toy chest. The only thing I was thinking as I lowered it down was "I helped bring him into this world; I should help take him out. Death is just part of life, It happens to everyone when it's there time."
End flashback
So now I am 28 years old. My wife and I have been together 11 years and married for 6. We have our oldest girl Tessa who is 9 years old now, our son Troy who is 6 and our youngest daughter Tabitha who just turned 5 years old and we will always have Tyler in our hearts.
Life goes on even after death. I went from wanting to kill myself to accepting that everyone dies, in 3 hours.
Harry had time before school let out to grieve and blame himself for Sirius's death. Tonks was the one that got him thinking about death and how it comes to everyone that's why he opened up to her. And thinking about death can't be stopped. It helped him to accept Sirius is gone.
Hope that helped and wasn't too sad for you.
Blaze
