Chapter 5

So sorry about the time that has passed since I updated. I've been caught up in the "new boyfriend" phase where all my time has been devoted to him or shopping to impress him. I'm back in my world of "He'll probably end up cheating on me with a blond so I'm just gonna have fun" Aint life grand?

Disclaimer: It's not mine. It should be based on the amount of time I spend watching and reading and the expense of box sets and books. =grumble=

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Anya and Spike spent a few minutes just staring into the flames of the fire without speaking. Finally Anya took a deep breath and asked

"So what happened? Down in the Hellmouth?"

Spike sat quietly thinking for a moment before starting slowly,

"Well Red worked her mojo just before the Turak Hans reached us. Bloody brilliant it was, all those girls fighting like they were born to fight. Hard to imagine them now like they were before, you know, with the whining and crying teenage attitudes. There were a few moments that looked bad, a lot of girls died, but they kept fighting. I saw Buffy go down for a second, took a sword to the stomach"

Spike stopped and looked sad before taking an unnessessary breath and continued

"Then the amulet started to work. It was like.... I could FEEL my soul you know? Like I wasn't just a monster. Like finally for once I was something better."

Anya nodded as Spike stopped again before gesturing him to go on.

"The amulet, as godawful tacky as it was, fired out sunlight. Pure, blinding, warm sunshine. That's when the walls started to come down. Buffy got the girls out of there then. She tried to get me to leave too."

Spike stared off into space, lost in his memories before meeting Anya's eyes

"I couldn't leave though could I? Even though I could feel myself starting to burn I had to finish it.For good"

"You were very brave then" Anya said kindly "Dumb but brave"

"Oi! Someone had to make sure the job got done right? Protect humans and puppies and all that rot"

Spike got quiet again before admitting

"I almost left though. I finally heard the one thing I wanted to hear from Buffy."

"She admitted to loving you" Anya stated. Spike nodded. "Well duh! We all knew that.Maybe Xander didn't but the rest of us did"

Spike chuckled "Would have been nice of someone to tell me pet"

"Are you kidding?" Anya asked "And miss all the tortured love scenes you two love to enact so much?" Anya rolled her eyes.

Embarrassed, Spike said "Yeah well, that's it Luv. Unless you want to hear about me becoming crispy."

"As hard to resist as that is, no" Anya said jokingly.

"Can't blame you.Not a lot of fun" Spike told her before asking "What about you?"

"Oh you know, terror, 1000 years flashing before my eyes, having to deal with Andrew, and then multiple stab wounds" Anya said blandly "The usual"

"Only for us" Spike said gently taking her hand and searching her face. He asked her seriously "Was it worth it?"

"You know? I think it was" Anya said thoughtfully "I still think most humans are screwed up and stupid but I finally joined the right side. And not just because it was there either. I choose it. Of course" Anya added "It killed me so maybe it was a bad thing. Caring I mean"

"As opposed to?" Spike asked.

"Well as a demon I never cared either way about how something would go down. Even if it meant death for me. Then I met Buffy, Xander, Giles, and Willow and though I had fondness, I still really didn't care. I just clung onto whatever came along. Then everything almost fell apart, Willow almost ending the world, Giles gone, me and Xander splitting up, and I felt so lost. But then in that fight at the Hellmouth, I felt it. I felt like I was something better than a former demon who makes sarcastic comments. I was helping people I cared about for a world I loved. Of course again, it got me killed so I'm still torn if it was a good thing"

"Yeah maybe" Spike agreed "Lot easier to just not care though. Sodding human emotions"

They both turned bittersweet smiles to each other before returning their stares at the crackling flames of the fire

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Sorry this chapter is kind of short. The next few are longer. I just need to find the time to type them out. I had a list of all who reviewed and wanted to put up personal thank you's but I seem to have misplaced it. Anyway to all who reviewed, thank you.