AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so here's the next chapter. And that's all I'm going to say. For now. Oh and sorry for the crappy chapter titles...I'm in no mood to waste creativity on them...plus I'm a lazy-arsed buggershite. So sue me. No, wait...


witty6of7: no, nothing of that sort going on...though I wish I'd thought of something that creative...no, this is just general weirdness.

redenvy: you really must stop reading my mind :)

Blood Everlasting: nah-unh. No such real-life experiences...trust me, if you met me, you'd know why. Can you say 'anti-social'? This is why romance is so hard for me to write...absolutely no real-life experiences to base it on...so forgive me if I have absolutely no idea of how things go...thanks for your reviews...they make me laugh.

Nic6590: yeah, I was considering having a girl have a go at Ginny...but Hermione's married to Ron...that would just be weird...and wrong...and a really bad way to get back at Ron...but good call on that...I had thought of it. :)

IssaLee: I know, I'm annoying. You get used to it. (evil, maniacal grin). Or not. Good ideas...in fact, I don't think I'm going to tell you anything because you have better ideas than I do. (grumbles and sulks off into a corner). Feeling self-depricating now...gr. :)

The Lady Luthien: I know what you mean...and aside from nearly telling me I resemble Hitler, I appreciate it. :) Your review made me laugh so hard...I suppose great, twisted minds do think alike. I mean, Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, but he was a genius mass-murdering fuckhead.Which totally doesn't alleviate him of his spot in hell. On the other hand, if it did, I'd have a spot open...hmm...dilemmas...mmmm...extreme sauna...

GlassBroomstick: I can't remember how many chapters there are...but I think there'll be around twenty or so, as a rough number, because of how short the chapters are. (shrugs) I dunno. Cheers!

Allychik6: Oh yes...Ginny is Chaos's little bitch, isn't she? Poor dear, it can't be easy...Chaos and Fate must have a ball deciding how to make her life a living hell. And I have absolutely no clue where that came from...I'm going to go take my temperature now...thanks for the reviews.

swimchik1614: hmm...I hadn't even thought about Seamus...rotten little Irish prick. I probably shouldn't have said that...I have a lot of Irish friends...great, now they're all going to sic their leprechauns on me. Thanks a lot. :)

DISCLAIMER: Not mine unless it doesn't belong to J. K. Rowling.


Hormonal Half-Wits

Chapter 13: Remus, Round 2 and Snape, Round 3


Have made slight discovery upon looking down as falling snowflake hit my chest. Peeking out through my heavy jacket, I noticed for the first time, the shirt I had pulled on when Harry Apparated into my room.

It's tiny…and low-cut…and practically see-through. No wonder the girls have been getting so much attention…what with being all wet and then being paraded around in a sports bra and then shoved into this itty bitty thing I'm sure belongs to Hermione and is something she was planning on wearing in her and Ron's 'intimate hours'.

Now that's one mystery cleared…damn hormonal bastards.

Anyway, we all followed Ron (who looked quite excited) upstairs (I gave Mrs. Black's portrait a swift jab in the eye with my wand on the way past) to Sirius' old study, where Remus must have gone after he left me to Malfoy…who I (at the time) assumed was still writhing on the kitchen floor.

Inside, Remus and Snape were having this flaming row, wands out, and eyes bulging as they screamed at the top of their lungs. I committed their scream-fest to memory…it wasn't hard…it was just one of those memorable things…

Remus was looking all hot and bothered and his greying hair was mussed…quite the mad scantilist look…or so I heard Hermione say to Harry, who nodded eagerly. Muggle thing. Snape was glowering in his 'I am the Potions Master' fashion. Buckbeak had discontinued chomping on cute, fluffy rodents in favour of watching those two battle it out.

Remus was in the middle of saying something which I didn't catch. Snape looking livid. Said something like 'Don't try to deny it, Draco told me the whole thing'. This caught my attention, which was then focused on the blonde figure I'd missed coming in, which was hovering in the background.

Remus turned and glared at Draco, and I was astonished at the acerbity in his gaze. Even Malfoy looked a little paler than usual. Then Remus turned back to Snape and his glare intensified. It was his turn to rant. 'So what if it's true…she's of age…got all the right to decide for herself. Doesn't need you coming in and interfering just because you want her for your little blonde monkey in grease.' He gestured to Malfoy, who I am delighted to say, went very limp and sullen.

Something clicked in my head and I had the sudden, disturbing notion that they were talking about me. I'm sure it was just me getting the random, occasional flicker of narcissism and jumping to conclusions, but it did seem to fit.

And looking over at Snape, something happened. I saw him paling and suddenly his eyes flickered over to me- the first indication that either of them knew there was a crowd of people in the doorway and spilling out into the hall, watching them for entertainment.

Remus and I understood the look at the same time, though I stayed silent, too shocked to say anything even if I wanted to. Remus looked over at me once as well, eyes widening in comprehension. "No," he said slowly "it's not for Draco…it's for…you." He sounded amazed, just as I felt.

That was all I could take. Already in the back, I pushed over the person standing between me and the exit-Tonks…and escaped. Glancing hurriedly at the twins, Tonks followed me, seeming to think my idea was more intelligent than any of her other deflective tactics.

And thus we flung ourselves into the attic, content to just run away for the time being. Except now she's probably being torn in two by Fred and George and I'm out here on this park bench, freezing my arse off.

Oh good, here comes Kingsley…