Familiar Facades
Summary: An Alternate History piece told from the point of view of Olivia teenage daughter: "You're doing to me what your mother did to you, only without the booze."
Author notes: This is an A/H. Certain aspects of the canon characters have been greatly altered for the purpose of the storyline. If you, as the reader, do not enjoy pieces that do not reflect the current state of the canon characters, I suggest you do not continue. (Borrowed from Dr. Fresh, with permission).
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of the characters of Law and Order SVU. Numb was written by Linkin Park and When A Woman's Fed Up was written by R-Kelly.
Numb: Present (2005)
I'm
tired of being what you want me to be
feeling
so faithless
lost
under the surface
I
don't know what you're expecting of me
put
under the pressure
of
walking in your shoes
every
step that I take is another mistake to you
"Danny," she pokes her head though the door and scans my room. The usual clothes, books, and Converses are fanned across the floor among the huge piles of class work and CDs. She shakes her head, I don't know if it's out of disgust or defeat, and pushes the door open. She says something else, I think she called me again, but I really don't feel like hearing her laundry list of demands. She knows I'm busy, I don't see why she felt the need to come in here. "Danny!"
"What!"
"Don't 'what' me," she says, still looking about my room. Her eyes land on my math book and the stack of black lined paper, I already know what's coming. "Your homework done?"
"Does it look done?"
"Do I look like one of your peers? You seem to forget that the only thing you run around here is your mouth, Danny, I don't have the time nor energy to put up with your teenage melodrama. Get started on your homework now, I don't want to come back in here and find it unfinished."
"Whatever," I roll over on my bed and continue the Steven King novel I can't seem to let go of. "I'm reading, I'll do it later."
"That's the problem with you," she says, stepping further into the room. "Later never comes. How do you expect to get into college with the grades you've been bringing in here? What kind of future do you want for yourself? You have so much talent, Danny, yet you waste it on the Sims and all the other crap..."
"Crap?" I jolt up and toss my book aside. She always has to go there. Just because I'm not into submerging myself in school work and antagonizing over my grade point average, doesn't mean the things I are pointless. "For one, Mom, my life does not revolve around a computer game and just because I'm not throwing bitch fits about college doesn't mean I don't care about going. You don't know anything about me, being that you're never home, so how are you going to stand there and talk to me about what I waste my time on? You're not here anyway so how would you know?"
"This may come as a shock to you, but I work for a living. You never seem to complain when you ask for new basketball shoes and boxing gloves."
"Whatever," I sigh. "Can you go now, apparently I have homework to do."
"Whatever? I'm sick of hearing that word, Danika. Whatever would be you packing your bags and you getting out of my house, that's what whatever would be."
"Okay, I get it, I really do."
"No it's not okay Danny," I know she wants to yell, but she doesn't. "I know I'm not always here and I wish I could be with you more often, but this is our life..."
'This is your life Mom, your's," I don't yell, but I do have that "tone" she's sure that I constantly take with her. "I never wanted you to join that unit, even Grandma was against it, but you couldn't rest until you had the job. Dad left, Grandma died, and Alex died working for SVU and yet none of that seems to phase you. You never come to any of my matches or games, my teachers probably don't believe that you exist, I might as well be raising my damn self."
"Wait just a second, I might not be here all the time, but I'm still your mother," she inches up to my face. I'm not that much shorter, but she's in her cop stance, I know when to throw in the towel. I gulp and step back. She sucks in a deep breath. "Look, this isn't making things better, you and I both know that. Please just start your homework while I cook dinner. I have to go back to the office at nine and I'd like to catch some sleep before I go in. I would sleep better if I knew your homework was finished."
"All right, you win," I shake my head and fall back onto my bed. I pick up my book and put my Bob Marley bookmark back on the two-hundredth page and shut it. "What are you planning on making?"
"Garlic pasta and a spinach salad with some bacon, nothing major."
"You know what? It's okay, I'll make something for myself later, you need your sleep."
"No..no...Danny...I can.."
"Mom," I laugh and hold up my hand in an effort to silence her. "It's fine, really, go hit the sack."
"You're a great kid," she kisses my forehead and runs her hand across my cheek. I smile lightly as she head out. Just as she's about to turn the knob she turns and around. "I'm really sorry that I can't be here for you all the time, I would really like to be it's just..."
"Mom, I know."
"Finish your homework."
I nod.
I've
become
so numb
I
can't feel you there
become
so tired
so
much more aware
When by the time my America Lit. Paper is finished and edited, she's gone. I understand, but just because you understand something doesn't mean you always have to enjoy it. When I'm finished eating I make sure all the lights are off, the doors and windows are locked, and I climb into bed with my book. It's like she's a dream, she comes unexpectedly but I experience her anyway, but when I'm ready for her she never comes. I'm numb.
A/N: I'm looking for a beta, feel free to e-mail me at the e-mail listed in my profile. Thanks much :)
