Chapter Thirty-Three

It was midnight before I could doze off, and when I did I had a dream so vivid that I couldn't manage to fall asleep for hours.

I could see my parents, all my "relatives" and all my friends and their families. Everyone I knew in One Tree Hill and beyond was packed into a beautiful church.

I wasn't in the crowd. Neither was I standing with Sawyer at the front of the church with his father. I was above, looking down into the scene.

The other me began to walk down the aisle. I knew I was here and not there, but it was unquestionably me, even with the veil. My white blonde hair was down across the backless white satin dress, the short figure was obviously mine. I walked, transformed by grace, eager to get to him.

Sawyer took Callie's hand as she arrived and led her to the alter. Lauren smiled at her.

Callie's veil was lifted and her face reviled. But suddenly she wasn't Callie. She scene jerked and her hair was up and dark, her face oval and her eyes wide and brown. My sister, Jenny took my place and the dream Callie vanished into thin air.

The Callie hovering above the scene screamed, but no one heard her. Suddenly the familiar crowd became happier and expectant. Photographs hung around the church. Familiar photographs of the Callie and Sawyer childhood days. Callie was miraculously replaced by her sister in all of these. She was gone from the room, not even a memory.

Suddenly Sawyer looks up, and meets my eyes.

"I tried," they say. "It could have been us, but it's gone now."

Though he doesn't know the words, the meaning is clear. The dream Jenny in her wedding gown looks up and transforms again-into a face only recognizable from old snapshots and drawings, of eyes lined with eyeliner and big hoop earrings, a smirk on her face. I knew who she was.

I awoke in a cold sweat, shivering. The dream had been like nothing I'd ever experienced.Sawyer and the dream people, had all seemed slightly older, better looking than they were in real life.

What had it meant? Was my future gone with Sawyer, vanished into the river? I'd only meant to postpone it for a while. He understood that, didn't he? And what did Jenny have to do with anything? He said he didn't..!

My mind flashed to the dream Lauren. She looked so happy, she didn't even notice the change between her sisters. An image of her ran through my mind again-she was suspiciously round. Oy…

My gaze slid to Jenny in the bed opposite. She was wearing her traditional sleep wear-plaid pants and a tight camisole. Her hair was half spread across her face, giving her a beautifully mysterious look even in her slumber.

I glanced into the mirror opposite my bed. In the moonlight, my face was barely visible but I could see my mused, greasy hair, my dry skin. Compared to the dream me, in her wedding gown…

Where had I seen that gown before?

Why had no one cared?

The next day I was slightly cheerier. It would be okay. It always was. I'd shot Sawyer down a thousand times before the weekend at the beach house, but he'd never given up on me. He'd never give up on me, that was who he was. Sawyer loved me. He'd never trade in Jenny for me.

I washed my hair and face and made myself look as I always did.

The day didn't exactly start off badly. I got the first shower of the morning, Mom made pancakes and Daddy and Jenny were almost behaving like normal.

But it was all wrong. I didn't see Sawyer until third period, but I already had expectations of him. I expected him to stroke my hip until I went mad with desire. Thrust me up against some locker shelves and kiss me. Let him pull me to a supply closet and… I wanted to do that, too. All of those things.

But he didn't.

All day long he reverted easily back to the old days. He greeted me as his little sister, he talked with Jenny and Lauren as much as he did with me. He didn't even glance at my little white shirt, specifically chosen to make him look. He didn't even hint that he wanted to get back together. All his words of passion of the night before were silent as he acted as he'd acted our entire lives. Like a friend.

The worst shock came later in the day. Jenny had gone home early because of a last period spare. She'd hitched a ride with a friend, leaving me and Lauren with the car.

Jenny greeted us in the front hall, horribly changed. Her normal straight, shiny, medium brown hair, was dyed to a brown so dark as to almost be black. She wore silver hoops.

"What the hell did you do to yourself?" I demanded angrily.

"What, you don't like it?" she asked in surprise.

"I do," volunteered Lauren.

"You would!"

"What's wrong Cal?" asked Jenny in concern. She looked over my head to revaluate her new locks in the mirror.

"You look like..!" I burst out. How could Lauren not notice?

"Nikki?" she asked, surprised more than annoyed.

"Uh yeah!" I retaliated.

"You mean my druggie whore mother," she said, beginning to grow angry.

"For all the world," I spat back.

"God, what's your problem? Just because you can't cope with a boyfriend who actually cares about you doesn't mean you have the right to accuse people of things beneath them," she said angrily.

"How did you know about that?" I demanded suspiciously.

"Gee, maybe because you've stopped making out on the lockers, gazing hungrily at each other and flirting non stop? You're not even best friends anymore. You know you've ruined your life?" she asked viciously.

"No, you have!" I exclaimed, walking briskly out of the room, throwing my hair over one shoulder.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Jenny five minutes later.

"You're just like her," I accused.

"My sex is free. Why are you being like this?" she asked again.

"You ruined my life!" I accused.

"By dyeing my hair?" she asked, thoroughly confused by this time.

"No, by..!" I trailed off as I realized that an accusation from a dream wouldn't bother her. But how in the dream she'd changed from herself to Nikki, and now with the dark hair… it frightened me.

"What?"

"Never mind," I muttered, hugging her briefly. She laughed hollowly.

"You're insane, you know that?"

"I think I love him," I admitted.

"Then go get him!"

"I can't," I said softly.