AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm baaaaaack. So, here's the next chapter. Unlike the previous few, this is not an ending. This is just a continual of the last chapter...Well...I lie. It's kind of an ending. One I'm sure you won't like. Oh well...off to go fuck with the majesty that is Harry Potter. Poor J. K.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine unless it is. If it is, it doesn't belong to J. K. Rowling


Hormonal Half-Wits

Chapter 23: The End, Part 6


The room seems so empty…I couldn't even sit on the bed it was so desolate and hollow without him, that I'm writing here, at the desk in the corner.

I saw him off just minutes ago. Remus, Dumbldore, Kingsley, Emmeline, and Moody saw him off as well. I offered to help him carry his bags out to the Knight Bus. On the other side, when we were alone, he leaned down and kissed me one last time.

I was crying again.

He caressed my cheek and told me not to cry. He said he was ready to go. I told him he was a great big sodding git to let go of life so easily, especially since I'd just found him…someone to love. He smiled affectionately…something I didn't expect him to do…

…and took ten points from Gryffindor…something I really didn't expect him to do.

I laughed, still crying, mind you, and pulled him into a hug.

I watched the Knight Bus as it disappeared with a bang. My tears dried as it careened away, flattening a squirrel. I wouldn't cry for him…because he asked me not to. I ignored everyone's strange stares (except Dumbledore, who just smiled sadly…the observant little bugger…) at my dried tears and stony behaviour over Snape, and I too, disappeared.

I went up to his room, but I had to leave. Without him it was ugly and dark and dirty. I had to get away. I was just leaving when Remus came bounding up the steps. He looked frantic and horrified. He looked from me to the room I was leaving.

'Snape?' he bellowed, loud enough to wake the entire building. I glared at him and told him defiantly that yes, I was in Snape's room, yes I had slept with him, and yes, I was seemingly the only one who cared for him. Remus looked ready to keel over and snuff it. I told him to hasten on and do so.

He started in on how horrible Snape was and how old he was…I told him he and Snape were the same age and that he had tried to hit on me (unsuccessfully, I reminded him) as well. I also told him that he was no saint either.

That seemed to hit him hard.

For once, I felt guilty. Remus is an exceptionally kind person and one of the very few whose esteem I would like to keep high. It was unfair for me to take out my anger and pain on him. I apologized and told him I was tired.

He nodded and said he understood…I'm not sure if he actually did, but I was glad he was pretending to. As I turned to go, he asked if I hated him. It was so absurd I almost laughed. I turned and hugged him, despite how much I wanted to run up to my room and cry.

When he tried to kiss me, though…I had to pull on the brakes. I felt horrible at the thought that I might have been leading him on. I told him that I was sorry, but it was still too early to start something new, and that I really wasn't interested in him as anything other than a really dear friend.

Remus nodded and said he understood again. I don't think he did. He said something about being a little jealous of Severus…said I was an exceptional woman that he'd never really seen before. I smiled at him and told him I was still a rotten little kid that studded doxy eggs up Santa's nose. That got a laugh from him.

He still looked sad so I told him to cut the krupshit and tell me what was eating at him. He gave me this pathetic little look and said he felt very alone. Which was odd to me, because I was standing right there. He said he hadn't felt loved in years, not since Bellatrix Black, which was a shocker for me and a story I'm not too sure I want to know.

I hesitated…it was a secret I had promised never to let anyone (especially him) know…and she was one of my best friends…but I made a decision…she was bound to be getting tired of being torn in two and I'm sure Remus is more than a match for my brothers.

So I told him that Tonks had been in love with him for years.

He didn't believe me at first…Tonks has been more than careful to avoid the topic and him as well…but after a while I managed to convince him that I was serious and that he should go sweep fair maiden off her feet and carry her from the twin dragons, Gred and Forge.

He grinned and I haven't seen him or Tonks since.

And now I'm in my room, alone. That's how I want it right now. I guess I'm lucky Severus told me at the last minute…I don't think I'd be able to live if we'd developed something and then he went off to die. Right now it hurts enough knowing I could have loved him and could have had more time with him. But he was in his rights to do as he did and I'm only grateful that he did tell me…there's a part of me that he'll always occupy and though I know it's foolish, a tiny part of me still hopes for the bare chance that he could make it.

I resign myself from it, though. He didn't tell me this to make me hurt, he did it because it was something he wanted to share with me. I won't immerse myself in pain or sorrow. I will cry at his funeral and leave flowers on his grave, but I will not dwell on it. It is past, and I won't acidify his memory with cold, bitter thoughts. It is untouchable…pure.

No matter what…even when I move on in life and in love, he will always have some part of me…and I will never forget him.