Chapter Forty-Seven
In spurts, I saw the man in front of my grow up. I saw him as I first remembered him-a solemn faced toddler with his thumb in his mouth. Growing older to a small boy with eyes too big and bright to fit his narrow face. To a tall, gangly ten year old with painstakingly spiked hair. A boy of thirteen, beginning to grow out of his awkwardness. An older, sixteen year old with the abs and biceps he still had.
This was Sawyer Scott. The same boy I'd already spent my entire life with.
"We should get married when we grow up."
"She's going to miserable until she gets together with Sawyer."
"You love him!"
"Maybe you're going to get married freakishly young!"
"You kissed him, didn't you?"
"We've been hoping for sixteen years!"
"He so right for you!"
"I want you."
"I love you."
"Both of us know we're going to end up together."
The last memory caused me to jerk my head out of the string of flashbacks. He was still in front of me, in the clichéd pose, waiting expectantly, the diamond twinkling away. How could he have bought a diamond? When his parents had gotten married, his mother had had a gold band. The same one she still wore, despite the fact that Nathan could easily supply her with diamonds.
This was wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It was supposed to happen after he was a famous basketball player and I'd become a popstar, or a magazine editor or even a lawyer. After we'd finished university and chased all our dreams to the extent that they could be chased. After we graduated from high school, for god's sake.
But I'd also once resolved not to sleep with him-or anyone-until after I'd married. Haley had once resolved the same thing. But she'd gotten married at sixteen.
I looked at the earnest look in Sawyer's eye. Was it a good thing, that I could read him like a book? He really did love me, I realized. Instead of filling me with joy, it filled me with dread.
I'd been scared when he'd begun to talk about commitment. Begun to speak passionately about our life long love. Isn't that how everyone feels, under the glow of a new love? Or did we actually have something special?
Tree Hill was so small. I hadn't had a chance to explore the rest of the world, find another place in which to find a different soul mate. Would I find myself regretting it in a year, after my child was born? Would I find some hottie musician to tempt me away from my devoted husband? Was it something I really cared about repeating?
Images flashed through my mind, replacing the thoughts and memories. I saw Mom and Daddy on their wedding day, her obviously pasted on smile. Then I saw them, less then a year later. She was heavily pregnant and the two of them were staring into each other's eyes. I saw them later still, Daddy carrying a baby in one hand while trying to restrain a two year old version of myself for long enough to take the picture while Mom tried to do the same for Jenny.
I saw Haley in her white sundress, next to Nathan who was beaming with pride at his bride of a half hour. Saw them at the famous picture of their wedding party at Tric, and a candid one of their reunion on Mom and Daddy's wedding day. Nathan and Haley were Naley. Mom and Daddy were Jeyton. What could we possibly be?
"Cal?" he asked, politely inquisitive. He's trying to respect that this is the biggest decision I'll ever make, but he wants to know. And he's been on his knee for almost five minutes. But if he wants an answer he'll wait.
I was supposed to be head cheerleader after school started, something I'd always wanted. Something that was bound to go to me, the daughter of Peyton Sawyer. In September, we'd be the head cheerleader and the star of the team. Like Nathan and Peyton, who'd failed miserably. Like Dan and Karen, who still lived in hate of each other. Something inevitable but not necessarily successful.
I loved Sawyer. I'd told him so the night before. But I didn't know, how could I possible know, if I'd love him forever. He seemed quite sure. How could he think of love as such a simple thing?
Suddenly I pictured him on top of another woman. A taller, curvier, woman. A woman he was doing all the things he'd done to me so personally.
The thought of it made me snatch my hand from him. His eyes fell, and I had to force myself to look into them.
"No," I said simply.
"You told me you loved me," he said slowly.
"I do. But I can't," I said. A tear leaked from his eye before one leaked from mine.
"Why not?" he asked. As if he had the right to.
"Because! Your parents were in love, and they couldn't last more than a year!" I protested.
"But they got back together. And your parents weren't in love and they're still together. I don't think it's a reference we can follow," he said. I almost cracked a smile.
"It's wrong, to get married just because I'm having a baby. We'd end up regretting it," I said.
"The baby needs its mother and its father!" he said.
"And it'll have that! We'll raise it together forever BJ, even if we're not together forever," I said.
"I hate that I can't change your mind," he said. I stood up and he did as well, placing the ring in its box carefully in the pocket of his jeans. I kissed his cheek but he jerked and redirected my lips to his mouth. He kissed desperately and passionately, running his tongue across my lips until I opened them and let him in.
"It's not enough," I said at last. He walked to the door, pausing when his hand was on the doorknob. He turned his head and looked directly into my eyes.
"It's more than enough," was all he said.
I did the only thing anyone could expect me to do: I flopped down onto my bed and cried my heart out.
My cell rang half an hour later and I scrambled around my room, finding it one the last ring. I hurriedly answered it.
"Hello?" I said into it, trying to keep my voice from trembling.
"Hey, Callie," said a voice.
"Haley?" I said, flopping back down onto my bed, wondering why she was calling me.
"Do you mind coming over here? I'd like to talk," she said amicably. I considered saying no, but I didn't trust my lying abilities to keep from her asking further questions.
I walked down the street to the Scott house. Sawyer was truly insane. It was what was expected of him, but it really deserved more thought. Where would we live? Would he have to get a job? What about when he wanted to go to university to be a basketball player? I encircled my arms about my flat stomach protectively.
"Aunt Haley?" I called, entering the house without knocking. My call echoed around the entrance hall. I stopped to admire the many doors leading off to different wings and the vast, curved staircase.
"In here sweetie," she called. I followed her voice. I'd half grown up in the Scott mansion, and navigation was as easy as it was in my own home.
Haley was sitting on a sofa, her legs crossed. Her medium brown hair was immaculate, curling at the ends. She looked posed and stiff. Even her smile didn't reach her large brown eyes. She beckoned and I went to sit across from her.
"What's up?" I asked nervously. Being called over to talk to her was much like being called to talk to one of my parents.
"I was talking to Auntie Brooke, and she said you went to visit her," began Haley.
"Yeah. Um, about that," I said, beginning awkwardly.
"You don't have to explain. I understand, it happens," she said. What?
"I just wanted to know more about it," I said. I had wanted to know more about protection, even with my ulterior motive.
"It's understandable that you have questions," she said sympathetically. "I know I did, when I went through it."
"Really? I mean, I've had health class for years, and Mom has explained all about it," I said.
"It's something you need experience in to truly understand," she said, in a surprisingly woman-to-woman tone.
"I guess," I said.
"So are you going to be alright?" she asked.
"What? I understand everything now," I explained.
"That's not exactly how it works," she said.
"Huh?" I asked in confusion. It was exactly how it worked. Birth control stayed the same, didn't it?
"Well, as you get farther and farther along, you encounter more and more. It's different for every woman," she said. I gasped.
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Pregnancy," she said. She paused. "What are you talking about?"
"Birth control!" I burst out.
"WHY?" she asked.
"Because that's what I talked to Brooke about!" I clarified.
"Why did you talk to Brooke about birth control if you're not pregnant?" she asked, clearly shaken. She pressed the skin between her two eyebrows with her index finger and her thumb.
"Because she might be pregnant!"
"She's not! Why on Earth would you think so?" asked Haley, in confusion.
"Because there's a positive pregnancy test in our house, and it's the only one that's not mine!" I exclaimed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"So you are pregnant."
"Yes," I said shakily. She stood up and towered over me and I waited timidly.
"SAWYER BRIAN SCOTT!" she yelled, in a call that echoed throughout the entire house. He appeared in under a minute. He came into the room and looked from me to his mother, towering over me as if about to deliver a sentencing.
"You got her pregnant?" she asked, her anger turning over to deathly calm.
"Yes," he admitted.
"Where the hell have you been for the past three years? Have you ever even listened to us?" she asked.
"It was just one time," he said.
"One time too many!" she responded. Nathan walked by and paused as he saw the three of us gathered.
"Nathan, get in here," she requested. He entered and raised his eyebrows. I smiled weakly at him.
"What's going on Hales?" he asked.
"Don't you 'Hales' me. Your goddaughter is pregnant," she said. Nathan's gave slid off his wife and shot over to me. He leaned down, picked up a phone and dialed a memorized number into it. I lunged for him when I realized what he was doing. I lost my balance in mid jump and as I fell dangerously to the glass coffee table, Sawyer caught me. He helped me up and I shook him off, watching helplessly as Nathan called me parents.
"You said you didn't even do it!" accused Mom, several minutes later when we were all gathered in the room.
"I didn't want to disappoint you," I said. I still sat on the chair. The four of them were still gathered around me in a semi circle. Sawyer was behind me, his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shake him off, to break contact with him, but didn't want them to notice the gesture.
"That's sweet I guess, but you know how much younger I was! Why couldn't you use protection? Have I been talking into a siv for ten years? I thought that you of all people would get it," said Mom.
"Both of you. Your mother and I love you, but you know how much it will change your life," said Nathan to Sawyer.
"Yeah, what do you think you're going to do?" asked Haley.
"There's only one thing to do," said Daddy, speaking finally.
"What?" asked Mom, turning to face her husband.
"They have to get married," he said.
"You're right," said Nathan.
"They can live at the beach house. It seems like the only option…" said Haley. She glanced at me for a moment.
"Hello, I'm still here," I said.
"What do you think we should do Callie?" asked Mom.
"Well not get married, for starters," I said.
"Callie, come on," said Daddy, sounding quite tired.
"What?"
"You got yourself into this, this is how you get yourself out," he said.
"Like you're one to talk," I spat out.
"I asked Nikki to marry me. Your mother was never pregnant out of wedlock," he said stiffly.
"I did ask her," said Sawyer.
"Oh, good. Then it's okay," said Haley in relief, looking considerably calmer.
"I said no," I said. Four pairs of eyes swiveled to rest accusingly on me.
"Why?" asked Daddy, with deadly calm.
"I'm seventeen, if you've forgotten. It's not even legal," I said.
"It would be somewhat hypocritical of us to not give our consent," said Haley coldly.
"Mom?" I said desperately. She hadn't said anything in a while.
"Callie baby, you know I love you. But I don't think you can raise a child by yourself. I think you'd end up resenting it, and I think that it would end up resenting you. Your Daddy tried with Jenny, and it worked out great, but even he'd admit it worked out better when I came along," she finished.
"So basically, you agree with all of them," I said.
"Basically, yes," she said.
"This is what you guys have to do. It's kind of expected of you," said Daddy firmly.
"I can't believe you! I thought you knew me! Anyway, I'll be eighteen in six months. Why can't we wait till then when I have a right to make my own decisions?" I said.
"You know as well as we do that by that time you'd have found a chance to wriggle out of this," said Daddy. He was the ringleader of their posse.
"I'm not getting married," I said again.
"Why not? You've grown up around healthy relationships that started at your age! You love Sawyer! He loves you! You're pregnant! It's freaking inevitable!" yelled Daddy.
"I hate you," I said simply. I tilted up my chin to meet his brown eyes, trying to add extra pain for him before I got up, pushed past them and stalked downstairs.
I heard him indistinctly, calling my name as I left his house. I started to walk faster, but he caught up to me easily and grabbed my upper arm as I refused to stop. I tried to shake him off, but his grip was strong.
"Callie, at least thing about it," he begged.
"It's not going to happen," I said dully.
"I don't get it."
"That I'm not willing to commit myself for the rest of my life at seventeen? Yeah, it's a real conundrum," I said sarcastically.
"You've already committed the rest of your life to me," he said, placing a hand on my stomach. Once his hand was off my arm, I took the opportunity and fled.
I ran into my house and locked the door. Once I reached my room I locked and barricaded that door as well, refusing even Lauren.
Daddy and Mom knocked on the door periodically for hours, even as the sky grew dark. The gave up at around ten o'clock and presumably went to bed.
I heard a ping against the glass of my window, and another. I walked over to it slowly and opened it, leaning out of it to look down.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, as quietly as possible.
"I need to talk to you," he said back.
"Some use the door," I answered, leaning back out of my window and shutting it firmly.
I leaned out again an hour later. I checked the ground, the porch. He was nowhere to be seen. Swinging my bag over my shoulder, I slowly eased the window open and leaned out to grab a tree branch. Holding on tightly I climbed carefully onto the window frame and swinging myself onto a branch.
The tree was tall and the climb precarious, but I'd always been a good climber. Perching on the lowest branch, six feet off the ground, I jumped off and landed in the soft, wet grass. I crept toward my car.
"Callie?" came a weary, sleep deprived voice. I spun around.
"Sawyer? What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I told you, I came to talk to you," he said. "Where are you going?"
"That was an hour ago," I said, glancing at my watch.
"Well, I'm nothing if not persistent. Where are you going?" he asked again.
"Nowhere," I said uncomfortably. As I proceeded toward my car, he realized where I was going and jumped to his feet. He ran in front of me and grabbed both my arms.
"You're running away?" he accused.
"I need time to think," I said, struggling. His grip remained just as firm.
"About what? I thought it wasn't going to happen," he said.
"Think about the baby, Sawyer," I said. His eyes widened as he realized what I was talking about.
"You can't do that," he said. He looked terrified.
"My choice," I said. I felt guilty over being so cruel to someone I really did love. Because he was right-I never could have an abortion.
"Go back inside," he requested. I took a deep breath before kneeing him hard. He released me immediately before falling onto the grass in pain.
"JAKE! PEYTON!" he yelled. I saw an upstairs light flick on before I took to my heels and ran toward my car, jumping in without bothering to open the door. I threw my cell phone and it landed a foot away from Sawyer.
I heard a motor start behind me, and made a sharp turn. Whomever had said like mother like daughter had been absolutely correct.
