Post Tabula Rasa fic
Spoilers up to Smashed, takes place during Wrecked, so some spoilers for that episode as well.
All characters are property of Joss Whedon, et al. I'm only using them for my story.
Rating: PG. So far nothing major has happened, but it may end up different after a while.
Summary: Spike helps Tara move out after Tabula Rasa, goes back to visit. So far it's following along with Season 6, but will probably go AU after a while.
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In Noctem
Chapter 3
Chats
by feles-noctis
Spike found himself standing at a door, her door. A lot had happened since he had been here last, only a few days ago, but he felt like it had been a lifetime. The last time he had left, he went and found Buffy, and in his attempt to help her with what he had thought were demons, he ended up pissing her off by attacking human muggers. How was he to know she was fighting humans? She almost never fought anything except demons. Of course, that little encounter had ended up with him finding out that the chip no longer worked. But, of course, it only didn't work on Buffy, which led to their 'fight' when he had confronted her, their fight and everything else. She ran out on him this morning, after calling him nothing more than 'convenient'. He thought that maybe, after everything that had happened with them, that she would treat him differently. Treat him like she used to right before she died and when she had first come back. Treat him like a man. Accept him. But she had run.
And so, he had found himself at Glinda's door. Why he had come, he still couldn't figure, couldn't remember the reason that his tired brain had come up with. It might have had something with how kind she had been to him the last time she saw him, and he wanted to be around someone friendly after what had happened with the Slayer. So, he stood outside her door in the dank hallway in the basement of some shady apartment building, far away from the comforts and friends she used to be surrounded by. She had given it all up, including her love, because that same love had tried to make her into something she wasn't. Had tried to change her into something she could never be. He hadn't let himself acknowledge it until now, but he was quite proud of her, of her strength and determination. She had seen that things weren't right and had done what was needed. She had been strong enough to leave before it got desperate. Before things had gotten too dark.
She had been strong enough to pack up and leave even though it hurt, even though she could have lost everything. And so, he was standing there, outside her door, wanting to knock but afraid of her welcome. It was the only place he had felt welcome in a long time. She had said that he was welcome at any time, but that could have just been her being the polite host to the person who had helped her move. He doubted it, hoped it hadn't been just that, but was still too wary of his welcome to actually bring himself to knock. He wasn't sure what he would do if she turned him out too. He hated to admit it, but he was lonely.
He hadn't seen her since he helped her move, but then again he hadn't been included much in the Scooby meetings anymore. He hoped that they were at least still including her, not shutting her out completely like they did him, unless it was convenient for them. It wouldn't do to have her completely on the outs with her friends just because Red had been a fool and done that to her. Of course, he'd seen them close ranks before to outsiders. As he pondered it, he realized that that was what she was, now. An outsider, just like him.
He, Dawn, Anya and Tara. They were the outsiders, always trying to get in. Dawn was probably pushed out more than almost any of the others, simply for being the Slayer's little sister. The one they constantly felt they needed to protect from the things that go bump in the night, while she just wanted to see the world, to know what was out there for her. They kept her out while trying to smother her. He felt sorry for the girl sometimes, always having people try to hide her from what was out there. She was going to find out about it eventually, and he figured it was better that she learn from good sources than not know the truth. Anya was there, held to the group only by her connection to Xander. He still wondered, sometimes when he actually thought about the others, how exactly it was that Anya had ended up in the group at all. She was a former vengeance demon, one who had gone around maiming and killing men for over a thousand years, listening to no one except herself, and yet here she was after only a few years of being human, playing the doting girlfriend. She let herself be ignored and put down by those around her, simply to fit in. It was odd that she was an ex-demon demon hunter now. But at least she told things how they were, didn't sugar coat it. He could respect that.
And then he was brought back to where he was, Glinda's door. She had been the one who was always hiding in Red's shadow, always trying to blend into the background. Never wanting to be in center stage. The few times she'd actually brought attention to herself had been entirely unintentional - and had been for protection, of herself and those she cared about. When she was hiding from her family and had cast the spell because she thought she was a demon. When she had put her foot down concerning the well-being of Dawn that summer. When she had moved out. She had done a good job simply being there for the others, just blending into the background, but always taking care of everyone as best she could. Now she was on the outs with them, no guarantee that she would ever be allowed back in after having done so much for them. She deserved better than that.
He knew how it felt to be on the outside. He was the one who, no matter what he did, would never be accepted into the group. No matter how hard he tried, had yet to be acknowledged as anything but the evil being he once was. Of course, he knew that he had earned the title, had done more than enough to be considered evil, but he was trying. Trying to do what was right, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. He wanted to be better. He wasn't completely sure why, but he wanted to be better than he had been. Glinda was the only one who had even seemed to accept him, even after the months of fighting beside them. The others, except Dawn, put up with him because he could be helpful, because they had to, but other than that, they tried to ignore him whenever it was possible. Part of the reason the witch accepted him could be that she had only ever known him after the chip, after he had come to the Scoobies for help. She'd never seen him before he'd started working, albeit reluctantly, with them. He wondered what his welcome would be if she had known him then.
"Spike," her quiet voice cut through his thoughts, bringing him back to his surroundings. She stood on the bottom step, looking at him with confusion and surprise, her rummaging in her bags to find her keys forgotten. He couldn't tell how long she had been standing there watching him, but he hoped it hadn't been for long. He wasn't sure how to explain to her why he had been standing at her door since a few minutes after sunset, looking like a fool for so long without even knocking or leaving. "I-I'm sorry, I was dropping off Dawn. She w-was over studying. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long." She rushed out as she quickly moved past him to open the door.
"'S alright, Glinda. Haven't been waiting long. Just wanted to stop by and see how you were." Of course, he wasn't really sure how long he had been standing, but it couldn't have been that long. Stopping in to check on her seemed like a logical reason to stop by. He hadn't seen her since he had helped her move. Hopefully she wouldn't ask too much into it, since he didn't really have any way to properly explain why he was there besides that. He didn't want to tell her it was because he wanted to be around someone who didn't treat him like a thing. It was hard enough to admit it to himself. She turned and smiled at him shyly before ushering him inside, apparently accepting his reasons as truth. He was relieved she didn't say anything about the still-healing bruises that he knew were visible. He didn't have to have a mirror to be able to see them. He hoped she just assumed they were from some demon.
Once he was inside, he immediately noticed that she had been working quite diligently the past few days to make the place her own. Even the feel of the it was much more welcoming and warm than it had been. The entire place looked like it had been cleaned and aired out. It looked so much brighter and homey, but he couldn't quite figure out why. The hideous chairs and couch in the living room were now covered with much more appealing fabric, the room was re-arranged with the extra clutter of unneeded furniture removed. She had a few pictures here and there on the walls and the boxes were gone, but otherwise it was mostly empty except for the few pieces of furniture. He did notice that she had put up protective charms around the room, he saw them hanging by the door and small windows. At least she was smart enough to put up some sort of protection for herself. She hadn't lived in Sunnydale long, but at least she remembered to keep herself safe. From what he could see of the kitchen, it looked like it was brighter as well.
Trying to pick up on what she had been saying when she saw him, he ventured, "So, how's the Bit, then? Keeping out of trouble?" Spike had missed seeing Dawn. Sure, she wasn't the Slayer, but he had gotten fond of her. She'd grown on him, and he hadn't realized just how much he missed spending time with her until now. He had basically forgotten about her since Buffy was brought back. It'd been even longer since he saw the little Summers than Glinda. He'd have to try to fix that. He watched as Tara busied herself around the apartment, cleaning up what had apparently been studying and snacks for her and Niblet.
"She's good. She got a bit upset with Buffy and W-W-Willow for leaving her alone last night after our movie and milkshake day. Well, not really alone, since she convinced me to stay with her till somebody showed up and that ended up being till this morning. But still, she was upset that they didn't call or anything when they didn't come home, especially since they didn't know that I was going to be there with her. She decided to be grumpy teen after they went to bed and came over here for a while today instead of being there where everyone was unconscious and everythign. I didn't mind, since I don't get that much company, not that I'm complaining or anything, because I'm not. It was nice to spend time with her again since I don't get to see her as much anymore. And so she came over and hung out for a while, did her homework and stuff. I got her home before dark, so don't worry about her being out after nightfall, but then I ended up stopping by the library for a bit to return a couple books I had borrowed for a paper before coming back, so that's why I was so late, since campus isn't exactly on the way from the house. I'm sorry, again for keeping you waiting. You weren't waiting for too long were you?" She kept rambling on and on as she cleaned and straightened the practically spotless apartment.
Spike stood in awed silence. He'd never heard that much out of Tara at once, and never that much without hardly a stutter. He couldn't blame her for stuttering Red's name. He probably would have had a hard time too. He wasn't about to object to the quiet witch being chatty, but it still surprised him. It was when she paused a minute to take a breath and looked at him that he realized that she was talking to keep herself calm and collected. She was upset, but didn't want him to know, didn't want to bother him with her problems. She had probably been running around all day trying to keep in whatever was bothering her. So instead of letting her start up again, he decided to interrupt. "Glinda? What's wrong?"
She stopped with her energized cleaning, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "I-It's nothing," she meekly replied, hiding behind her hair, her stutter returning and hands nervously fluttering around, trying to find something to do. She gave up all attempts at trying to keep herself busy, and just stood in the entry to the kitchen, leaving the pile of dishes and other miscalaneous items on the counter. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but Spike was pretty sure it wasn't about something happy.
"Glinda?"
She gave a sigh and quietly found her way to the nearest of the stools by the counter. She sat with a resigned thump, keeping her head bowed. "I-It was just W-W-Willow." A pause as she took a deep, unsteady breath. "S-She left Dawn alone so she could go out and do m-m-magic with Amy. Dawnie didn't w-want to be there while Buffy and W-Willow were sleeping, so she came over."
"Ah, so Red's back on the mojo?" No wonder the girl is upset. "I'd be a bit upset about that too, pet." He offered, sympathetically. She had moved out not just because of what Red had done to her, but because she wouldn't listen to reason about the magic. He'd seen how she didn't think Glinda knew what she was talking about, when it was clear the girl knew what was going on, probably better than any of the others.
"I-It's just, I h-h-haven't been gone that l-long and she said she w-would stop and she's out doing spells again. It's like - It's like," she trailed off, clearly too upset to keep talking. Spike immediatly went to her, trying to offer her comfort, but unsure of exactly how to do it without upsetting her further. He put an arm around her, hesitantly, and was greeted with quiet sobs. He nervously tried to pull back, but Tara's quiet voice stopped him. "Thank you, Spike. I'm s-sorry about doing this to you. I f-feel terrible about m-making a scene in front of you." She sniffed before looking up at him, eyes red and puffy, tears still running down her face despite her efforts to stop them. Before he could reply, she was gone, disappearing into a room. He watched her hasty retreat, confused.
She returned a minute later, tissues in hand. She smiled weakly at him. "S-sorry about that." She dried her eyes and blew her nose before going over to the couch, patting beside her in offering and apology. "W-what did you need?"
"Just wanted to check up on you, was all. See how you were." He wasn't about to let her know that he had come for comfort, for the company of someone who wouldn't treat him like dirt just because he was what he was. And he was actually getting it. After his initial worry of his welcome, she had completely dispelled that worry. He started to fidget, hoping she wouldn't pry further into his reasons more than what he had offered. And the truth was, he had been concerned about her. He had found her standing at a park bench in the middle of the night, crying her eyes out. It had worried him that she would be that distraught to simply ignore her potentially lethal surroundings.
She smiled at him, this time with more confidence. "Did you w-want anything? I've got blood." He gave her a look. "J-Just in case you decided to visit or anything," she added meekly, hiding behind her hair again.
He grinned at her thoughfulness. "That'd be nice, Glinda. Thanks." Count on Tara to think of buying blood just in case he stopped by again. He was actually feeling quite a bit better than he had been. Sure, the witch had just started crying and was upset, but she had been kind to him, entrusting him with her confidence. She silently got up and started rummaging around in the kitchen, finding a mug before rummaging in the fridge. He watched her as she went about preparing him a mug of warm blood. Once it was microwaving, she went digging around in the cupboards again. "I-I think I have some crackers around here. I remember you like texture."
"'S alright, luv. Don't do anything special just because of me," he said as he walked over, taking one of the stools by the counter. As he looked around a bit more, he realized that this wasn't that bad of an apartment. No where near as shoddy as he had first thought it to be. There was a large living room area connected to the kitchen by a doorway and counter. From what he could see, there was at least 1, if not 2 bedrooms along with the bathroom and a closet. It was rather roomy with drab colored walls, but Tara was doing a good job of covering up the drabness. It was still rather surprising how much furniture and miscalaneous small items had actually come with the apartment, but when the last tennant had probably disappeared overnight, it wasn't all that unexpected. She had been lucky with her good find.
Tara had seemed to calm down and get her control back, probably thanks to her attention being focused on something else. She had pulled out a box of Wheat-a-bix from her rummaging in the cupboards and plopped it on the counter as she went and pulled the mug out of the microwave. "Will that do?" she asked hopefully.
"That's perfect, luv. Thanks." He gave her a genuine smile, taking the mug from her. He drank in silence for a bit, watching her as she pulled out a water from the fridge and sat across from him, seeming to be lost in thought.
"Dawn w-wanted to come over some night. For movies and such. If - If you want, you're welcome too. I know she misses you. But if you don't w-want to, don't worry about it," she quietly asked, eyes never leaving the counter. He watched her as she nervously fiddled with a wrapper from some candy Dawn had left behind, keeping her eyes focused entirely on that.
He smiled at her thoughtfulness. They both knew that Buffy hadn't liked Dawn hanging out with Spike, especially not at the house or at his crypt, simply because of the locations. Big sis wouldn't have a problem if the Bit was hanging out at Glinda's and he 'happened' to show up. "Sounds nice. Let me know when the shindig is and I'll try to stop by. Been meaning to check in on the Bit." She offered a weak smile, before hiding behind her hair, still nervously shredding the wrapper. So far the night hadn't turned out like he had expected, but at least he wasn't being treated like dirt. He had been half expecting to find his invite revoked. The witch was treating him like any other person, and it was refreshing. She wasn't being nice just to get something from him and she wasn't trying to remind him of everything he used to be. She treated him like a person, not some evil thing.
"I can do that, Spike. You're still w-welcome here until then, too," she peeked up at him through her curtain of hair.
He offered a small smile in return. She really was much nicer to him than she should be. Especially since she was the one sitting there with the broken heart and was trying to make him feel welcome. True, things between him and the Slayer didn't seem much better than things between her and Red, especially after everything she had said to him and that look in her eyes when she had gotten up, but it could be worse. At least she wasn't dead again.
He looked at Glinda consideringly. She still had puffy eyes, but she seemed to be doing better. But, better safe than sorry. "You doing better, pet?" He watched as she looked up at him, clearly touched that he was concerned about her. She only nodded meekly in return. "That's good then. Anything you want to talk about?" A shake of her head, her hair covering her face more.
He couldn't figure out why, but he was starting to care about what happened to the witch. There was no true reason for him to, except for himself. She wasn't that close to the Slayer, hadn't been his other source for information on Dawn's antics for some time, and no longer lived in the house with the Summers women. It seemed rather odd, but he somehow had grown attached to her while she had been hiding in the shadows with him, away from the shining spotlight of the Slayer and Red. He found her power and hidden strength reassuring. She seemed like a timid mouse, but she had more than proved to him that she had backbone.
That was probably part of the reason he had convinced himself to come here, to see her strength and remember that he didn't have to sit around being treated like shit after everything that had happened with Buffy. Sure, she was hurting and lonely, but that was no reason for her to treat him like she did. Tara was hurting and lonely, too, and treated him kindly, even though they didn't really know each other very well. Sure, it was different being pulled from heaven or breaking up your girl and moving out, but the basic idea was the same, at least in his head. There were differences in the circumstances, but Glinda was still trying to be decent to those around her while the Slayer seemed to be taking out all of her anger and hurt on them. He had to remember to check on Glinda more often. She was, after all, here by herself. It wouldn't do to have something happen to her. Especially since she seemed to be the only Scooby, besides Dawn, that liked him. He was NOT going to think about the Slayer's feelings, admitted or not. She had made it quite clear how she felt. And right now, he was enjoying his time with the witch, who seemed to be enjoying his company as well.
Spike was a bit startled to realize that he and Glinda had somehow started talking while he was lost in thought. They had been going on about different drinks; tea, hot chocolate, coffee. He had apparently spaced out, but had been talking to the witch. She hadn't seemed to notice, but had stopped fidgeting with the wrapper. It lay in shreds on the counter. Luckily he managed to hop back into the conversation without losing the train of the converstaion, hopefully with more interest than he had been showing.
They ended up talking about random, little things for a while. He was amazed at how easy it was for them to talk about things. It didn't seemed forced or like they were trying to get something from each other besides company. They were sitting at her kitchen counter, talking about random things. There were no snide remarks or subtle and not-so-subtle hints that he should leave, nothing but a normal conversation. He couldn't remember the last time that had happened to him. It had been quite some time, if ever. She didn't want anything from him except his company and occasional comment. Her stutter had virtually disappeared, only really emerging when she tried to say Red's name.
Somehow they managed to bring the conversation around to what had happened that morning at the Summers' residence, only this time in more detail and quite a bit slower than the rushed explenation when he first got there. He was surprised to find out that Red had been out all night as well as the Slayer, at the Bronze and to who knows where with the ex-rat Amy. He tried but couldn't remember an Amy, but then again he might have not known her... it wasn't like he had been around for their entire lives or was really paying attention to any of them but the Slayer at first. Maybe she had been there.
From Tara's story it was clear that Red had gone and done nothing but have fun with the magic almost as soon as Glinda had moved out. That didn't sit well with him. He had seen how Red kept using more and more magic, and he remembered what had happened when they brought Buffy back. She was getting a bit power-hungry and not paying attention to the consequences for what she was doing. Plus, with almost 150 years of experience, he had seen the effects of too much mojo and knew that using as much magic as Red had been, it couldn't be healthy for her, especially the kinds of magic the girl had been prone to throughout the years. It always seemed to go wrong or have something happen that wasn't meant to.
He could see the pain and hurt in Glinda's eyes as she talked about it, but didn't interrupt. If she wanted to talk about it, he wasn't going to be the one to stop her. If the Slayer hadn't threatened his life, he might have considered talking about what had happened between them. It just seemed like he could have talked about it with her, and she wouldn't have condemned him for it or said that he was a bad influence. But, he didn't want her on the outs more than she already was with the Scoobies, so he kept his mouth shut and satsified himself with listening to her describe all the antics that Dawn had done that day.
It was always amazing the trouble the brunette managed to get into without even trying. Instead of staying home once Tara left, she had left a few minutes later, catching up with the witch before she got very far. Dawn hadn't wanted to be by herself, so the witch had suggested they go back to her place for a while.
Apparently, Dawn had been responsible for half of the changes in the apartment, since they had arrived and she immediately decided that it would be fun to help Tara redecorate. She had taken it upon herself to help Tara clean, rearrange, and redecorate the as many rooms as she could, including the guest bedroom - which answered his question as to how many bedrooms there were. The extra furniture had been stuffed in there until she could figure out exactly what to do with it. Dawn had some ideas, but the witch was reluctant to let her try her experiments, which was probably a good thing. She offered him a tour, but realized that he had basically seen everything already. The girls had gone to some store and picked up the different fabrics which now covered the chairs and couch along with the cleaning supplies and some of the pictures. They had spent the morning having fun, but then Tara had put her foot down about homework and made the teen concentrate on that. It was amazing how she always managed to talk Dawn into doing her homework, even when no one else could even get her to listen to them. She even managed to get the girl to WANT to clean. That was even more surprising. He recalled her managing similar things that summer too.
She tried include him more in the conversation and asked him if he wanted to talk about his day, but there really wasn't much that he could say. It was either something he couldn't really talk about or was boring beyond belief. Instead of pushing, they ended up talking about cooking, of all things. He knew she could cook, she had been the one who had done almost all of the cooking at the house. But she had been surprised to know that, if needed, Spike could put together rather edible 'human' food.
As the night went on, he was once again reminded that he was sitting in the kitchen with a witch, talking about whatever, not even caring that he was probably telling the girl more about himself than he had told anyone in quite some time. Sure he had told the Slayer about killing the other Slayers, but that had been different. It had been more of a job than this. This was like a conversation between friends. No pressure to talk about stuff if he didn't want to. It was nice.
The few times he caught himself slipping up and talking about some violent or gorey bit from his past, he kept expecting the witch to say something or get grossed out. Instead she was listening politely, as if it was completely normal. She didn't once get grossed out or ask him to stop. It made him feel even more impressed with the quiet girl in front of him. They had gone through the bag of blood and almost a pot of tea before he realized they had been talking for hours and the witch was getting tired. Instead of trying to keep her up, like he probably would have done in the past just because he wanted to be annoying, he decided to give the bird a break, especially since she HAD spent the entire day with the human energy ball known as Dawn.
When he finally left, she reminded him that he was welcome any time, and let him know that she would try to keep some blood in the fridge for him. She also reminded him that she would let him know when Dawn would be over so they could get together sometime. For some reason being with her was calming. It was nice to be able to sit and talk with someone without them yelling or screaming at him, even if it was about the little things or her breaking up with her girl. He had known she was kind, but had never really been the one she had focused that kindness on. It was rather overwhelming how considerate she was. She had done her best to make him feel at home, even though he was nothing more than a vampire who was in love with her ex-lover's best friend, who happened to be a vampire Slayer. When she went to hug him, he didn't even pause to grumble or try to refuse, but accepted it freely.
It wasn't until he was in the hall and headed up the stairs that he realized that he hadn't thought about the mess with Buffy hardly at all that night. He'd been too intent on listening to the witch talk with him. He smiled to himself as he started walking again. He was sure he would be back again, if nothing else just to enjoy the company of someone who didn't treat him like dirt. With more life in his step than he had arrived with, he went off into the night, intent on thinking about better things.
A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, especially Moonjava and Home and Charmed. I appreciate all reviews, even if they're telling me how bad the fic is. I wasn't sure if anyone would actually be interested in this. It will EVENTUALLY be a Spike/Tara fic, but might take a while. I'm trying to stick with the cannon storyline for a while still before going totally AU. If there's any minor errors, please excuse them. If there's any major errors, please let me know so I can try to fix them. After this one, the chapters will probably be fewer and farther between, just because classes will be starting up again. I'm terrible with summaries, so if there's suggestions for a better one, I'd love it.
Thanks again for reading.
Feles-noctis
