Come on, oh my star
is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead
on the surface
But I am screaming underneath
Amsterdam Coldplay
Ryan was breathing and that was the main thing. He was still alive and that was what mattered most. But did he want to be. Did he still want to be here? Did he still want to have to live with the guilt? The guilt.
The red of his rage and guilt surrounded him. It was swimming out of him. Almost causing him to drown in his unhappiness.
How had he got there, well he didn't understand completely himself.
It had started when Seth had accidentally let slip that Marissa had been abused by Trey. Tears trickled down his face again. His own brother had hurt her. He couldn't understand how he could have done that.
He had been so mad. He wanted to kill Trey had that was what he had done. He had gone to his house and as soon as he had seen Trey he had gone berserk.. He had punched him and kicked him. He could still see Trey lying on the floor screaming and bleeding. But Ryan had kept going. He had kept going until Trey had stopped screaming and had slipped into unconsciousness. Than Ryan had stopped and looked up. Marissa was standing in the door staring at him. She looked at him like he was a freak. He had scared her and now he would never have her.
But still how had he got here.
He had run after Marissa had left. He knew the police would come and then the Cohens.They would all look at him disappointed. They would be angry and afraid of him. He wouldn't be able to look them in the eye. So he had run. From being scared of Seth and Sandy maybe even Kirsten would come. He wasn't scared of the police. Only of his family.
He had wandered the streets for a while trying to find a way out. He tried drinking and drugs but nothing let him escape this new hell.
So he had nicked a knife and used it on himself. And now he lay in a gutter in a street he couldn't remember the name of bleeding blood, tears, rages and guilt.
He picked up the phone which he had in his pocket. He had to say sorry. He was sorry. He dialed Seths number. Seth picked up.
"Ryan is that you. Where are you man? Please come home."
"I'm sorry Seth it's all my fault."
"What are you talking about…"
Ryan couldn't hear him anymore. All he could see was darkness. And then he fell into it.
