The Guise of Apathy

By: Rachel Elizabeth

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As Jaken led her away from Sesshoumaru, who had seated himself at the table again, Kagome turned back around towards him and stuck out her tongue at him.

            Sesshoumaru, however, did not react and Kagome thought that that was all the better. When she got to the doorway, she once again turned around and glared angrily at him sitting at the table, and she thought that she saw him lift his left arm and touch his bottom lip. Immediately, her hand shot up to her own bottom lip and she felt the stitches that had been put in her lip to alleviate the bleeding. She realized then, for whatever reason, what that mark on her lip meant . . . and why he had reminded her.

            She ran to her room and locked the door, to be left in peace so that she could weep for her loss.

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Female Charms

            After that day, Sesshoumaru saw very little of Kagome which had no outward effect on him. As Jaken had commented, just that morning, she [he still refused to call the human any other name] had seen—bumped into, more or less—Sesshoumaru and had only muttered a silent apology, breathless, soundless, and unless a person had been watching her lips they would have missed it. After that day, six days ago, she had intentionally avoided all contact, however minute. Jaken had run around like an idiot since "the fight incident"—as he had started calling it—making sure that the girl stayed put, though he really had no reason to think otherwise, and he started pestering Sesshoumaru to learn of his plans. However, Sesshoumaru had no inclination to tell anyone his plans, albeit, he never seemed to share his plans, even with his faithful servant. Jaken had surmised, however, that it had something to do with that lowly hanyou—Naraku.

            Everyone in the castle noticed the difference in Kagome when she would come and get her food in the kitchen. She was never quite as energetic as she had been when she had first appeared in the castle. It was amusing to see how the servants had changed their attitude towards her so drastically in the past month since she had been staying with them. At first, it only seemed as if Sesshoumaru had brought her to his castle to torment the girl and the ever faithful servants did their civic duty and started to hate the uncannily happy girl, but the more she stayed around the castle, the more the servants had become close to the girl. In the beginning, none of the servants commented on the sullen girl's mood, too afraid of the wrath that could be evoked by such comments, but the more the girl became unhappy, the more the servants worried for her. She had started to grow dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, and she did not enjoy the oden that they prepared especially for her. Finally, one brave servant, Mia, a girl who was only thirteen summers, spoke out to Kagome about her lack of appetite and sleep.

            "Kagome-san, do you not enjoy our food anymore?"

            From the table that she had seated herself in the kitchen, Kagome's head shot up from her plate of food and she only muttered, "Eh?"

            "You do not appear to appreciate our food much lately."

            "Oh," Kagome cried, realizing for the first time how rude she must look to the servants, "I love your food, Mia."

            "Then perhaps Sesshoumaru-sama has done something to upset you?"

            The servants at the fires gasped and one servant that was particularly close to Mia smacked her on the side of the head. Mia did not mind the slap so much as she minded Kagome's look of an affirmative answer to her question. Mia could not understand what Sesshoumaru-sama could have done to the poor girl to make her have such a disposition. It was not like Sesshoumaru-sama to make any one particular person melancholic; he was too busy with his own personal business to worry about purposely hurting someone's feelings. This was true even for someone whom had been in the castle for as long as Kagome had been. Everything that concerned Sesshoumaru-sama usually had something to do with himself; he never allowed people into his own private business, which tended to keep most youkai and humans alike far from his path.

            "I'm fine. I've just had a little too much time to myself lately, I think," Kagome smiled winningly and devoured the bowl of oden that had been prepared for her to make her point. When Kagome finished the oden, she silently got up from the table and moved to go back to her room. The servants watched quietly as she thanked them for the delicious food and walked back to her room, dejectedly.

            It was getting to her, that feeling of inadequacy, the feeling that there was no one in this castle who could possibly need her the way that the gang needed her. She realized absentmindedly that Sesshoumaru was using and abusing her, but it was almost as though she was okay with him doing this to her, because it at least meant that in some queer way he still needed her. No matter how many times the brute had played her off and told her nothing of his plans for her there was still that feeling that, in his own way, he needed her. Whether she was happy about this new situation or not, however, was still to be decided. It was almost as if she had gone from one bad situation—where Inu Yasha took everything she did for him for granted and thought nothing of tromping on her feelings—to a worse situation where she knew nothing of what was going on, and she wouldn't even go into the brute's feelings.

            That was what she had begun calling him after the episode in the drawing room when she had lifted her hand to her mouth. Kagome knew that he had done it on purpose to show her that he had no care for her feelings and that she was here because he had willed it so and he could do with her as he pleased. Kagome had decided then that she hated that man more than she felt animosity for Inu Yasha. Well, that wasn't necessarily true, she did not hate Inu Yasha but she could not say that she wasn't disappointed that he had not shown up earlier to get her.

            Recently, she had had too much time to contemplate her inner feelings on everything that had happened since she had fallen into this world. She knew that she loved Inu Yasha; there could be no question of that but every time she was around the brute, Inu Yasha was far from her mind. When she should contemplate how to escape the castle, or think of what she would tell Inu Yasha when he finally showed up—Kagome knew he would—or even try to reason with the brute, she could never find quite the right words. And why was that? It was because the brute hardly spoke to her at all in the first place. Kagome guessed that in one sitting he probably didn't say more than thirty words to her, if even that. The man reminded her of a brick wall; couldn't go around him and couldn't go over him.

            That night, when Kagome was feeling particularly lonely for companionship, she braved the halls—knowing, of course, that Sesshoumaru roamed around late at night—hoping to find one of the servants still up and about that she had become friends with. On her endeavor to find someone to speak with she was lucky enough to see Mia sitting in the foyer, sweeping up what looked to Kagome like imaginary dirt from the floor. "Do you do this every night?"

            At the sudden sound in the hallway, Mia jumped a foot backwards and quickly looked up to find Kagome staring at her, her mouth smiling. "I don't sleep too well at night and this calms me down. Was there something that you needed, Kagome-san? I could make some food if you're—"

            "No!" Kagome ground out, quickly and harshly. Realizing she was being hard on the girl she said more calmly, "No, I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep either and I hoped that there was someone that I could talk to."

            "Of course, Kagome-san. Why don't we go into the drawing room and sit by the fire where it's warm?" With these words, Mia silently led Kagome down the hall to the drawing room.

            As they got down the hall Kagome heard chattering from the room that Mia was trying to take her into and Kagome stopped, frowning. Mia turned around questioningly and tilted her head towards Kagome, her silent question clear in her eyes. Kagome only shook her head and smiled winningly, and Mia shrugged her shoulders and continued down the hall. When they finally arrived in the drawing room, Kagome stopped in the doorway, hearing Sesshoumaru's voice and started to back up. However, Mia never noticed Kagome's departure until she saw Sesshoumaru sitting in the drawing room, a woman at his side, leaning over him and leaving nothing to the imagination of her charms. Mia turned around quickly and grabbed Kagome's hand and spoke quietly to her, "There's another drawing room down the hall if we quietly go through this one."

            Kagome shook her head, unable to continue.

            "Kagome-san, please, that woman is only here briefly," Mia whispered to her, dragging her through the side of the room as quietly as they could walk.

            I don't know why I'm still sneaking through this room, Kagome thought to herself. It was as if ever since Sesshoumaru's callous game, where he had made sure that she had watched him touching his lip, she had wanted nothing to do with the man who was her captor. Lately Kagome had to keep repeating to herself that the brute was nothing more to her than a captor who thought of no one but himself and even now, he had told her that he was only using her.

            Kagome thought very little of the man when she was alone in her room. She thought of her mother and Souta and how worried they must be since it had been a month now since she had been locked in this . . . dungeon. Kagome let out a small breath of air finally realizing that she had been holding her breath, and Sesshoumaru's eyes shot up in the night and he saw Kagome and the servant trying to sneak their way through the drawing room that he occupied.

            Sesshoumaru merely looked on with curiosity, for Kagome and Mia had not yet realized that he had spotted them. Sesshoumaru's eyes briefly stayed on Remiyu as her lips made their move for his, and Sesshoumaru thought briefly of stopping her, but his lack of woman companionship lately was perhaps what made him on edge recently. Sesshoumaru saw, however, in his peripheral vision that the girl had chosen that particular moment to look up from her sneaking and stop completely where she was. Sesshoumaru watched her, for he was sure that she could not see his eyes, she threw a hand over her mouth and glared daggers at him with her eyes. The woman had firmly planted her lips on top of the brutes and Kagome could swear that he was grinning maliciously. Dogs! Kagome swore.

            Either unable to bear the blatant passion that another woman had shown him or too angry that he had spent his days thus so, when she had been in her room, crying because she knew what the mark that he had put on her meant, Kagome ran from the room, back towards her own. Mia looked up from her creeping to see Sesshoumaru looking at her with cold fury and she only muttered a small "eep" before bolting from the room, also.

            Sesshoumaru grabbed Remiyu's wrist menacingly and threw her from him, spitting at her, "You told me you had need of my assistance." Sesshoumaru watched as Remiyu grinned cattily at him but he made no outward move to get rid of her from his presence. Obviously, she thought that by appealing to some crazy sense of feminine charm that she was going to get something from him.

            Sesshoumaru looked coldly at her and told her, "Get out." Remiyu didn't seem too inclined to listen to him, however. She was too busy making eyes at him that she obviously thought were intimate, but at that moment Sesshoumaru had realized that he had no need for female companionship; he had quite enough of that with Kagome's screeching voice which could be heard miles away and Kagome's presence had reminded him of that fact. That girl never knew how to shut her mouth for more than five minutes and that was only when she was eating her dinner, which didn't happen enough if Sesshoumaru had anything to say to it.

            When Sesshoumaru started towards the door, Remiyu looked past him and said faintly, "If you ever want some real amusement, you know where I can be found." With that, and a last look back, she walked out of the foyer and Sesshoumaru heard the faint close of the front door.

            Sesshoumaru swore under his breath. He had not intended for the human to see Remiyu; he had purposely taken her to the furthest room from her own. He wondered briefly why she had even been out of her room this late at night. He knew that she had once taken walks in his castle when she had first arrived but ever since they had exchanged words, she had avoided going outside her room unless it was absolutely crucial.

            Before he even knew where he had headed, Sesshoumaru found himself in front of the human's room. He hated her. Humans had always been worthless and the girl was no exception. She had caused him more trouble than he could have imagined, and, yet, she still talked to the servants of Inu Yasha coming to save her. It had been a month now since she had seen him and yet she still held onto her foolish hope. It wasn't as if his half brother did not know where his castle lay; he had grown up here when he was younger. That only left a few options for the human girl, but far be it for Sesshoumaru to say any of those out loud.

            At the rasp at her door Kagome only yelled through the door, "Mia, I'm fine, I need some time to myself." When the door knocked again and there was no comment on the other side to let them in, Kagome became irritated, thinking that it was probably that conceited toad. "Go away, stupid! I don't care if your master sent you. Buzz off."

            Sesshoumaru finally spoke through the door, "Open the door, human."

            "You!" Kagome screamed through the door, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "Go away. I have nothing to say to you."

            Sesshoumaru eyed the door manically. He knew that the human was stubborn but he had never believed that she was dim-witted. "You are human, you—"

            "Will open the door, yada, yada. I know exactly what you're going to say, okay? So save it for someone who cares." Kagome had finally reached her limit and she did not care if the brute busted down the door; she was too distressed that she was crying over something as silly as someone kissing the brute. What did that mean, anyway? He was free to kiss anyone that he so chose. Hadn't she said that she was still in love with Inu Yasha? And in love with him she was. What difference did it make that some horny demon traipsed her charms all over the brute? It didn't.

            "—have no claim on me," Sesshoumaru went on, as if he hadn't been interrupted.

            Kagome started. What exactly was that suppose to mean?

            "This episode of yours after seeing that woman and her charms is unbefitting the lowly position, as yours is," Sesshoumaru uttered coldly. Kagome hadn't realized that she had spoken her thoughts out loud.

            Grasping the door handle for what little control she still had left, she threw the door open and poked her index finger into his chest and spat at him, "Before you talk to me of my position, perhaps you should remember that I do not want to be here."

            Sesshoumaru was not listening to her, however. He had taken a step in her direction and likewise, Kagome had stepped back one step. When he was far enough in to the room, Sesshoumaru slammed the door and advanced on Kagome. Finally, she stood in the middle of the room, the early morning light trying to pour free from the curtains. Sesshoumaru glared at the human, unsure of why he was even in her room. Since when had he become so uncertain of his actions and thoughts? She was like a disease that didn't die. Insufferable girl.

            Sesshoumaru watched her; the human did not want to stand still for him and he was highly annoyed. Finally, when he had had enough of her prancing around him, he grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the bed and threw her on it, sprawling her out on the bed, her face looking at the ceiling. She looked at him—no, that was inaccurate, she glared daggers at him, but Sesshoumaru paid no attention as he remarked, "Stay."

            "I think you've forgotten who the dog is," Kagome spat out, deeply troubled at the looks that were passing over his face. Leave it to Sesshoumaru to get angry at her for a door.

            Sesshoumaru chose not to remark on this comment and instead he looked down at her, trying to figure out what was going through her mind. He had decided that she was like a fly that could not be swatted away and no matter how much he would like for her to leave, he could not, he would not allow her to leave. His pride in this matter ran too deep and he was not about to lose to the half breed.

            Kagome glanced at Sesshoumaru, thinking that if she was to get away from him, now was the perfect opportunity. She rolled over onto her side and with her free hand that was not pinned to the bed, laid her palm against his chest and pushed as forcefully as she could. The problem with this endeavor, however, was that the force of the push and the fact that she resided on the edge of the bed, made her, too, lose balance and instead of just Sesshoumaru falling on the floor as she had planned, she fell with him—on top of him.

            "Impudent girl," the brute snarled out, displeased by her game. If she had been trying to show him her charms by falling on him, which he assumed so, he was likely to throw her off of him just as he had done with Remiyu. He had no need for charms and especially not those of a human girl.

            Kagome looked down at Sesshoumaru, horrified that she had been so clumsy as to take her body with his. Instead of being able to run by him, as she had planned, she was instead sprawled on top of him, her head resting beneath his chin. A thought, unbidden crossed her mind, I can hear his heartbeat, and for once, Kagome was still. She was still because the brute—the man, she corrected herself- had a heart, beating deeply. More loudly than she had ever heard Inu Yasha's, beating as if that was the only thing that mattered in the world anymore. And she felt, for the first time . . . connected.

            Sesshoumaru growled under his breath, tired of the human being so close to him, but when he tried to move, the girl put her hands on either side of him to try and restrict his movements and he looked down at the crown of her head. She had her cheek pressed against his chest, as if she was listening to his heart. Sesshoumaru frowned, annoyed. He took his hand and roughly pulled her face up to his, intent on asking her what she thought she was doing exactly. However, when he saw her face, softened by the light streaming through the room, her eyes softened at the regular beat of his heart, Sesshoumaru paused.

            He did not pause because the girl had gotten under his skin, she hadn't! He did not pause because the light illuminated her beauty, it hadn't! He did not pause because she took his breath away, she didn't! He paused because he hated the look on her face, he hated the sympathy deep in her gaze, and he did not want anything from her. So it was no surprise to him that he lifted his own head up and placed his lips on hers as roughly as he could, to wipe away any traces of any look that she thought to give him. It was no sweet kiss of promise for a girl who had never been kissed; it was a kiss of force, of fervor. His lips demanded more than Kagome could even comprehend, he nipped, he rubbed, and he pounded his lips on hers.

            Sesshoumaru took complete control of the situation and with his hand grabbed her waist and rolled her under him. Her neck strained to meet his lips and he was pleased.

            He was pleased that the possessed had become the possessor.

            As expected, everything was falling into place.

            The first trial had been hurdled and, as expected, he was the winner.

            His plans never failed.