AUTHORS NOTE first song in this fic is Lisa Loeb's 'How'- an amazing song, and one of my absolute favourites! It's not playing on the radio or anything- simply think of it as 'background' music!
I didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me.
And now you want to ask me 'how?'
It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
A thick stillness loomed in the car- an uncomfortable, unbearable and eerie silence that went on forever.
GRACE (looks into camera, then turns head to side)
Why did you come here?
You
weren't invited.
And you're on the outside - stay on the
outside.
And now you want to ask me 'why?'
It's like - why
does your heartbeat, and how do you cry?
How does your heart
beat?
Eli glanced over at Grace- her back perfectly straight, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, eyes firmly ahead.
He examined her profile for a moment; and then stared out the window.
A heavy rain had started to pour when they got in the car- and now the wind screen wipers made a rhythmic, back and fourth motion- echoing their dreary, squelching sound into the deathly silent car.
And there are some things that I'd
like to figure out.
There are some things that I can do without
-
like you and your letters that go on forever,
and you, and
the people that were never friends.
ELI (looking into camera; opens mouth, then closes it and sighs; eventually turning away)
With all the things that you
could be,
you never could learn how to be me.
And now you want
to ask me 'how?'
It's like - how does your heart beat, and why
do you breathe?
How does you heart beat, and why do you breath?
Their house finally came into view- and as Grace parked in the driveway; the silence seemed to tug away, and eventually un-knotted itself, as Eli opened his mouth, without turning to Grace- he knew he didn't have to ask her to listen- he knew she was waiting for the words………whatever they were.
And he was right, she somehow knew he would say something to her- something that would make her change her mind all over again………something that would trick her heart into believing there was still 'something' she had to hold onto……….something that she couldn't possibly let go of……….even if she tried.
Eli took a quick breath, and tucked his hands into the pocket of his coat- all the time; Grace remained perfectly still- looking out ahead of her.
"I see you now" He murmured, in a calm, deep voice.
He still didn't turn to her- didn't even see if her face changed with his words.
And after a second or two, Eli opened the car door- and left Grace alone, his words lingering amongst the still.
"I know………." She whispered to herself, as her eyes watched his figure dash towards the door- escaping the rain.
"I know…………." She whispered again……….perhaps making sure she believed her own words?
"Grace………..honey………..?" Lily stood awkwardly beside the change room door- and called again……….."honey……….is it on yet?" she asked again.
Grace stared at herself- she looked like a ripe orange, about to burst.
Her mother had picked out for her; a ginger coloured formal dress- sleeveless, with a long trail- the dress didn't fit her right………not at all!
It bunched up around her chest, only reminding her of what she didn't have, and was too tight around the bodice, reminding her of what she had to lose.
It made her skin appear blotchy and pasty; and was so wide around the hips that she had to keep flicking the excess material behind her.
"Grace!" Lily cried again.
Grace looked at the closed door, and eventually reached out and turned the handle, tentatively stepping out.
"Oh" Lily murmured, as she examined her daughter from head to toe.
Grace turned around, staring at herself in the mirror again.
She looked at her mother's mortified face, which she was trying to cover with a sincere smile.
"You don't have to say it………..I look awful……….like a rotten peach!" Grace moaned.
"No………No……..it's just" Lily adjusted the dress; by pulling the neckline up, and tucking the waist in a bit, then noticed how it pressed against Grace's stomach too tightly; and released the material.
"Maybe a different colour………..style……….." Lily murmured.
"Maybe a completely different dress?" Grace asked, hopeful.
"Maybe…………. I don't have to wear a formal dress at all……….a nice skirt and top could be fine…….."
"No! Grace!" Lily interrupted.
"This is Jessie's special day……and she has REQUESTED everyone come appropriately dressed………in formal outfits!" Lily was firm.
Grace rolled her eyes; "Well……….where is Jessie anyway?" she asked, looking behind her mother, at the waiting room where Jessie and Katie had been a moment ago.
"She has her dress……….so I told her she and Katie could go get lunch!" Lily murmured, as she spun Grace around and began to unzip the back of the dress.
"Mum! I'm starving……….I need food aswell……….cant I just go dress hunting next week?" Grace moaned.
"Next week is Jessie party……….you have to find a dress……….now or never!"
"Fine! Fine!" Grace groaned………she stomped over to the rack of reject dresses she'd tried on earlier, and picked up the mint coloured 2 piece with beaded flowers.
"This one!" Grace held it up for her mother to see.
"Oh good……….I liked that one!" Lily smiled.
Grace handed it to her mother, and hid back in the change room; "that's exactly why I didn't want to choose that one!" she mumbled as she peeled off the dress.
"So you seem to be handling this whole party thing pretty well now?" Katie smiled warmly, and sipped her cappuccino.
"If by 'well' you mean I have managed to control and suppress my true anger and frustration………then yes……….it's going well" Jessie sighed, and took a sip from her own cup.
Katie's brow creased, as she placed her mug on the table.
"Jessie…………I'm worrying about you………..it's not good to keep all that stuff locked up……….." Katie leaned forward, swiping a loose piece of hair out of Jessie's face.
Jessie instantly drew back; afraid that Lily might see them………..or anybody else that was looking.
Katie pulled away quickly, reminding herself to not show any signs of affection in public.
"It's eating away at you,………" she mumbled, she sipped the last of her cappuccino.
Jessie looked away; guilt ridden.
It wasn't just this whole party thing with Lily……….it was so much more………..so much more that she'd kept locked inside of her for too long now……….she'd kept Katie, and all that she means to her, locked up for too long.
"I know………..I'm sorry," Jessie mumbled, interrupting her chain of thought.
Katie looked away, and spotted Lily and Grace walking towards them.
"I guess we're going home now" Katie mumbled.
Jessie followed her gaze, "uhu" she agreed.
The two girls sat in silence, avoiding each other's gaze- until Lily and Grace approached them and took a seat; interrupting their awkward discomfort with happy chatter about Jessie's party………..
JESSIE all the things I want to say…………..never get said!
