Fan Fiction Episode #23

Hand Solo was totally psyched because his band, Nippy, was got a "gig" at the Can on Tattooween.

Hand – Oh, hex naw! Once they see me "play my riffs," all of the young bitches will be "up in my grill"

Luke – That's bullshit they won't like the songs you play

Hand – You just watch it!

So Nippy played and Max Rebo opened for them with some proggy solo shit he was working on. It didn't go over very well.

Hand – Now, that should be an easy act to follow! No one even is paying any attention! We are going to blow down this house

Max – Man alive, Hand! That's a rough crowd!

Hand – Maybe when you learn to play your

So Nippy went on the stage, and Hand got sweaty.

Luke – Oh, oh! See, I think Hand is sweaty! I knew they would be nervous and screw up!

Lando – Poor Hand! He is stage frightened! Oh, look at all the sweat!

It was true that Hand was really sweating a lot, and everyone knew it He was not doing very well

Hand – Oh, God! My hands are too clammy! I cannot get the proper "grip" on my "guitar neck"

Max – Haw haw! Nippy sucks!

Soon the whole crowd is chatting things like "Nippy sucks" and "Ham Solo" and Hand is fipping out now and really losing his mind!

Hand – Shut up, niggers! You faggots like to come up hear and do any better!

So Max gets up on stage and tries to grab Hand's guitar and Hand takes out a shiv and slides it into Max's blubbery abdomen

Max – Aw, shit! Hand, you make your time now

So Max is all bloody, but he has some strength yet! He grabs Hand's arm and twists it off, and then he sticks it into Hand's mouth and Hand chocks to death!

Luke – Oh, God, no! What kind of a God would allow such things to happen? As I reflect upon a life of piety and penitence, I am filled with shame! God is a liar! Let us tear down the haughty walls of Christendom, blacken the marrow of tradition that plagues our sickly nation! Come, fellows! To the Cathedral!

Luke Skywalker leads a Motley Crue down the streets of Mos Eisley, marching straight for Huttminster Cathedral!

Lando – Hail Satan!

Lando takes a Molotov cocktail and throws it through the elaborate rose window! Cries of despair fill the night as Huttminster erupts in a fiery fury! The Archbishop of Huttminster, Walrus Man, runs outside, clothed in his priestly vestments, begging the mob to have mercy!

Luke – We'll show you mercy, tuskface! Get him, Admiral!

Admiral Ackbar charges forward and knocks Walrus Man to the ground. He then takes out a frying pan and he breaks Walrus Man's head apart

Ackbar – Alright!

The Cathedral burns to the ground, Walrus Man's broken body is hung from a tree and covered in red paint, and the crowd settles down and returns to the Can, upon the stage of which lay the corpses of Hand Solo and Maxwell Rebo.

Lando – This was really a fun night

Luke – I know we got a lot done

THE END