Chapter 5: Madam Haldir

"Do you recall the game we used to, hrm, play, Haldir? Where we would go through nana's wardrobe, find a nice dress and some cream and cranberries and such, blankets and all kinds of bows and ribbon. Then you would tie me on a chair and force the dress on me, stuff paper in the top so it looked like I had a woman's chest, and use cranberries and cream and coal and whatever you could to… beautify my face? And then as if the dress, chest and make up was not enough you found lady-like shoes, curled my hair and put ribbons in my hair!"

"…I remember…" Haldir said softly. He had never thought, at the time he had done those things to Rumil, that Rumil would ever be big enough to do them back.

"And do you recall that Orophin always managed to catch us in the act, and so when nana and ada came, angry at us, you always said that it was my idea and that you where telling me to stop? Do you remember that I always got spanked or ada took away my favourite toy because you blamed me? Well things are about to change little brother!" Rumil laughed, grabbing rope and tying Haldir to Illiendal's bedpost.

"No! Stop!" Haldir tried to free himself.

"You know, this would be even funnier if you where an adult, but since this is the best I can do, I will enjoy it!" Rumil said as he looked in Illiendal's closet.

"My you have a lot of clothes Haldir." Rumil said as he pushed cloths that had once fit the March warden out of the way, in search of dresses.

"Ah! This is a lovely one, I wonder what Illiendal will say when she finds you in the mud with it on!" Rumil sniggered, pulling a red, almost pink, dress out of the closet and a pair of black feminine shoes.

Rumil dressed Haldir, who kicked and squealed as Rumil did so. Rumil found blank parchment and immediately stuffed some in the top of the dress. Haldir moaned when he looked down at himself in the dress.

Rumil found cranberries and smeared some on the elfling's lips, like lipstick, and used the cream he had found as a blush-like make up. Rumil had gotten ash from the fireplace, which made grand eye shadow and eyeliner.

"Oo, this is a lovely discovery!" Rumil held a box.

"That's all of Illiendal's jewellery!" Haldir exclaimed as Rumil pulled out a circlet from Mirkwood and put it on his brother's head, as well as a few necklaces, bracelets and rings.

"And here, is my own little touch." Rumil pulled out from his pocket two rings, resembling earrings of our days. He also pulled out a little wooden stick, like a toothpick.

Rumil bent down to sit beside his brother and held his little brother's earlobe. With the toothpick like stick, he tried to choose the right spot.

"What are you doing?" Haldir asked, no longer able to kick as Rumil had tied his feet to the bedpost.

"These rings need a hole to go in. I'm making one. Don't you call when you pierced my ears? The holes closed up, luckily." Rumil said as his stabbed the stick through Haldir's earlobe. Haldir screamed and tried to thrash around.

"Quiet down! Now I can put this ring on and we will just have the other ear to do. Don't worry, if you can get the rings out the holes will close, eventually." Rumil said. Haldir winced as his brother pulled the little stick out and slid the earring on. When Rumil did the other ear, Haldir cried out but it did not hurt as it did the first time and Haldir was much more calm.

"And now we must do something with your hair march-warden, it is far to straight. Let's take out these messy braids…" Rumil said as he took a brush and undid all of Haldir's braids before brushing the elfling's hair roughly.

Once it was brushed, and to Haldir's horror, curled, Rumil added pink ribbons.

"What a beautiful lady you make Haldir!" Rumil grinned cheekily before untying Haldir. Before Rumil could grab the little child, Haldir ran off. While he was running, he stopped at a mirror to see his reflection, Rumil not far behind. As soon as he saw how much he looked like a woman, he sat on the floor and burst into tears.

The crying pulled Orophin and Illiendal from their pillow fight. Illiendal was being pinned to the floor by Orophin and about to get a pillow in her face when Orophin stopped to listen to the faint crying.

"Something's wrong. Rumil must have hurt Haldir." Orophin said, dropping the pillow he held beside Illiendal and helping the she-elf to her feet.

The crying died down, but Orophin and Illiendal continued their search for Haldir and Rumil, to make sure Haldir was all right.

They found Rumil covering Haldir's mouth with his hand, muffling his cries.

"Stop crying or they will hear us and you don't want to get in trouble, do you now?" Rumil said. Haldir still had tears down his cheeks, but shook his head to say no.

"Haldir! Rumil what have you done to him?" Illiendal grabbed her tiny husband from Rumil's arms and cooed to him as he burst into fresh tears.

"Haldir, shh, shh, it's okay, Rumil's a monster but your better than he is…" Orophin whispered, kissing the elfling on his head as Haldir buried his face in Illiendal's chest to hide from Rumil who was fuming because he had not finished with his revenge.

"Rumil, how dare you? Ai Haldir! Your ears!" Illiendal removed the rings from Haldir's ears gently, Haldir wincing.

"I wanted to get back at him for doing that to me so much!" Rumil yelled as Orophin grabbed his arms.

"I wonder what father will say about this? You might be put on Ada's lap for this, I hope he beats you good!"

"Ada would not beat me! Ow!" Rumil said as Orophin twisted his brother's hands behind his back and forced Rumil out of the house, heading to his parents' home.

"Well if father does not beat you I will! Go faster!" Orophin said in a gruff voice as he and Rumil left. Once they where gone, Illiendal brought Haldir to their bedroom and sat him on their bed.

Haldir's ears had started to bleed where the piecing holes where, so Illiendal put some disinfecting herbs on the small holes and washed them with water. Illiendal cleaned Haldir of Rumil's make up job and undressed him.

Haldir sat on the bed naked until Illiendal came back with his elfling sized clothes Rumil had left on the ground. Illiendal dressed him and brushed his hair, trying to get the curls out.

Once Haldir looked like he did before Rumil tried to get revenge, Haldir relaxed on the bed, feeling his wife's tummy as he did so, feeling the baby that was growing in Illiendal kick.

"You know Haldir, is you stopped being so haughty, you would not have had this problem in the first place." Illiendal said as gently as she could to Haldir.

"Haughty? You said so yourself to Elladan once that I am not arrogant, when you and Elladan where fighting!" Haldir recalled the day very well he had heard everything:

"Illiendal, I know you so well. We've been friends since childhood, and we are both royal elves. Our parents get along, our siblings get along, and most importantly we get along, we get along very well. Illiendal, I love you so much… And… I want to marry you, I ask you now to bond with me. We'd be so happy Illiendal, together!" Elladan was holding Illiendal's hands tightly. Elladan knew he had to ask Illiendal now, or else Haldir would get to her first.

"O… Elladan, we have known each other for a very long time, and I love you, so, so much. But Elladan… I cannot accept your proposal. I cannot bond to you. I think we are just to be friends, I think there is a different she-elf somewhere, waiting to marry you, and I think someone else is to marry me. I'm sorry Elladan, please don't be hurt, I want so badly to still be friends with you." Illiendal saw the sadness come over Elladan's face immediately, and the tears that filled his eyes instantly. But Elladan, instead of being sad, filled himself up with rage.

"It's that no good march-warden, isn't it? That's why you have spent less time with me and have avoided kissing and such! That… that stuck-up elf has won your heart!"

"Haldir is not arrogant!"

"Oh sure, so that 'I am so much better than you' look is just my imagination? Many have seen him Illiendal and I know he is just a stuck up good for nothing-

"No! I know Haldir; he is not haughty at all. He just seems that way. But he cares for me Elladan, and he just has something… Something else, something you don't have…" Illiendal said quietly to Elladan. She really loved and cared for Elladan, but she was certain she was better off with Haldir.

"Fine, I will leave then. But Illiendal, when that arrogant man never proposes and you start to fade, I know you will come back to see me. I will always be ready to propose to you." Elladan said before turning on his heal and angrily leaving, though he was far more upset than angry.

"I said you seem arrogant but you are not. You do seem very arrogant Haldir, even your brothers agree with me." Illiendal said. Haldir snorted.

"Haldir, Haldir… Don't worry. Saruman thought you where arrogant, and maybe you where to him, but if Saruman knew you like I do he would not have done what he did."

"If Saruman knew me like you do, I'd be horrified." Haldir smiled, cuddling up against Illiendal.

"Yes, and if Saruman knew you as much as I do, I think Saruman would have trouble sleeping." Illiendal kissed Haldir on his cheek.

To be continued…

Haldir's Heart and Soul: Yes… Saruman is not too kind with his spells on arrogant march-wardens…

Mesozoic Flower: Pillow fights are the greatest…

Bberry06: I don't think there was any in this chapter, but you can tell me.

CapriceAnn: …Everyone here seems to be Haldir fanciers, big Haldir fanciers. Can't blame anyone though. We just have to take turns… Or a big fight will start… Cause you know, everyone who reads my stories aside from the ones who don't review seem to be girls…