Title: Decisions
Author: Cry Tears of Darkness
Setting: This pertains to the episode where Rory comes back from Washington and has trouble deciding between Jess and Dean. Starts when she is still in Washington though.
Disclaimer: As always, I do not own any of these characters, unless I make one up that's not in the show but I don't know yet about that. They belong to the WB and all. Oh well. I wouldn't mind owning Dean though.
Jess's Point of ViewOh God, what the hell do I do, Dean's going to die! Shit! This is my fault, if I didn't show him those letters then maybe… Argh! Dammit Rory Gilmour why did you hurt this guy so bad that he wants to kill himself!
"HELLO! IS ANYONE OUT THERE! HELP ME!" I screamed out. There was still no answer. Dean's still not breathing. I guess it's up to me to help him. Good thing I got hurt enough at school to be in the nurses' office to read those bloody first aid and cpr sheets.
I started to breath for Dean, I started compressions and all. In my head I was counting, one, two, three, four… all the way to fifteen. Breath. Breath. Dammit Dean, come on. Help me out will you?
"Jess what are you doing?" I heard a voice.
"Help me! Get an ambulance! He's not breathing! Dean's not breathing!" I cried, I had tears streaking down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do anymore. I was scared.
"Jesus Christ!" Called the voice. I'll go get someone and they ran off. I don't know what they did. All I remember is trying to get Dean to breath again. Trying to get Dean to wake up.
I hear sirens. I hear people. I hear the voices. Finally. Now it was as if I was watching myself. I watched myself get pushed out of the way, I watched them help Dean. Dean was hooked up these wires and they carried him off in the ambulance.
"Let me come, please." I begged the driver.
"I'm sorry Sir, only family."
"But they're not here! Please, I have to. I'm his friend." I pleaded.
"I… Alright come in. Hurry up!" He replied. He looked sympathetic. It's not very often in a small town like Stars Hallow that you need ambulances or things like that. It's not very often you get scared like that. It's also not very often you see Dean hooked up to wires being driven away in an ambulance. It's also not very often I feel sick to my stomach.
When we arrived at the hospital, they wheeled Dean away and I was left with no where to go. They wouldn't let me follow anymore. I should call someone. But who?
"Hello?" Answered a voice.
"Hi, umm, this is Jess." I said.
"Jess, are you ok?" Asked Loralai. Who else was I to call?
"There's a problem. Can you come to the hospital?"
"Now why would I do that? Call Luke, Jess." Can you blame her for that, no, not really.
"It's not me, it's Dean."
"What's wrong with Dean!" She screamed out.
"Just, get here. Bring Luke to take me home too, please." I asked then I heard the phone click. I had to do something.
I went to the waiting room chairs and I sat down. I looked around me. There was close to no one here. As I said before, not much use for a hospital in this town. I felt so sick still. I mean, I saw Dean, almost dead. He could have died. He must have wanted to die. Dammit, why am I feeling anything? It's not like me at all.
"Jess, where's Dean!" Cried out Loralai as she arrived with Luke.
"I don't know, they won't let me see him." I replied coldly.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I mean I don't know!" I screamed back. "Stop yelling at me!"
"What did you do to Dean!" She hammered at me.
"Loralai, come on…" Luke started.
"No, what did you do to Dean!" She was panicing enough for her and Rory.
"Nothing." I just sat there and conitnued to stare at the floor. My stomache hurt. All that played over and over in my head was Dean's lifeless body just flaoting in the water. And that if I had been just a bit later, Dean could be dead. But Dean wanted to be dead. Ugh!
Rory's Point of View"Mom, hello?" I said as I called my mom on her cell phone.
"Hello Rory, what's up?" She said, almost worried.
"Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that we're packing to come home now. I can't wait to get back. I miss it so much." I replied. I did miss home.
"Well, ok. When are you getting in?"
"In the morning. It's too late to take off tonight." I answered.
"Ok. Rory, there's something you need to know…" She started off.
"Mom, whatever it is, it can wait until I see you tomorrow morning. Okay, I got to go to bed. Goodnight." And I hung up the phone before she could tell me. I didn't want to hear another Dean lecture right now.
I got all my things together and all I had left was my binder with my letters to Jess. I had just finished the last one that I would give him when I saw him tomorrow. I had found a way to be with Jess. Without hurting Dean. If I had never met Dean or Dean was gone, then Jess and I could be together. Though, Dean is there, and I love him.
I packed my binder away and I crawled into bed. I could hear Paris muttering in her sleep. As always, I wouldn't miss this really. I couldn't wait to get to sleep and back home!
Dean's Point of View
Rory… Jess… Rory… Jess… Rory… Jess…
Jess's Point of View
Loralai and Luke had seen Dean, I couldn't bring myself in that room to see him. Once Loralai had called Dean's parents and they got there, we all left. I didn't say a word the entire ride home. I couldn't. What to say?
"You know, Jess, I'm very proud that you helped Dean. Dean could have died yet you saved him. It makes you a hero." Luke said to me once we entered the Diner. I said nothing.
"Jess, come on. Don't take his hard-up attitude. You did a good thing tonight." He continued. I just walked upstaires to my room. I had to get away. I had to make sense of what was going on. I mean, I am feeling emotions. It's not like me to care and be nice. Yet I was, ok I can deal with that. But dealing with seeing what I saw tonight and going through that, that I can't deal with.
I went and I lay down in my bed Luke had put on the floor for me. I curled up in the blankets. I was so cold, so cold. Yet it was summer and warm out. Doesn't matter, I was cold. I just drifted to sleep I guess…
"Jess, Jess, wake up!" Luke called at me. He started shaking me.
"I'm.. What, yeah?" I muttered.
"Jess, you're crying, what's wrong. Jesus, what's wrong?" He sounded so worried.
"I'm not crying." I said.
"There are tears down your cheeks." Luke answered. "Talk to me…"
"I'm just. Scared, Dean, I mean…" I didn't know what I was saying.
"I know. Gosh, I'm sorry. That must be something. Maybe you should talk to someone." Luke suggested.
"No, I'm fine."
"Crying is not fine, Jess."
"I'm fine. I need to take a walk." I got up, got dressed and left. Luke just watched me. I'm sure he's thinking I'm a pain as usual.
As I went downstaires and through the diner I saw Loralai and Rory eating breakfast. Rory looked at me and smiled. Maybe she had no idea about Dean yet. Maybe she did.
"Jess, Hi!" She jumped up and hugged me. I just stood there.
"Hi." I said. No emotion.
"How are you, did you get my letters, did you? You never wrote back." She said. Maye she didn't know. I don't think she'd be this peppy if she did.
"I did. Thank you."
"I have another one for you. Here you go." She took it out of her pocket and handed it to me. "Read it now."
"Rory, you said. You told Dean you didn't write to Jess! You told me you didn't write to Jess!" Loralai exclaimed.
"Well, I knew you'd act like this. I didn't know how to answer Dean's. But to Jess, the words just flowed." Rory said.
"Well.. I'll read it later." I said and went to walk to the door.
"No, now." She said and stopped me. I opened it and read it. 'If Dean wasn't.. Then we could be together. I can't stop thinking about you.' … I froze. I got angry.
"Dammit Rory, stop this!" I screamed at her.
"Stop what?" She said confused.
"Stop this! This is what almost killed Dean!" I said holding up the letter. "This, this you liking me thing!"
"Almost killed Dean? WHAT!" She screamed. She looked around her. No one looked at her.
