JESSIE sometimes I don't know who I am.

Jessie rolled over onto her side and stared at the alarm clock that read 6:35.

JESSIE and just when I think I have myself figured out……….I go and change………..and I'm back to not knowing myself again………..

She sighed and closed her eyes tightly, urging herself into sleep again. But it was no good, her eyes refused to stay closed for long, and when she opened them again the clock staring back at her read 6:37.

JESSIE that's the scariest place to be……….because knowing who you are on the inside is what keeps you sane from those on the outside who only think they know who you are but really don't have a clue……….they only see you as they want to see you……….as much as they can handle.

She reminded herself again and again that her party started at 8:30 PM, and that she had the entire day to prepare for it………..she reminded herself of this over and over again as she stared at the alarm clock and watched the numbers change……….she reminded herself again and again that Katie wouldn't be there……….and she felt her eyes sting.

JESSIE I thought I was an average girl……….with a mother and father who loved each other, and an annoying older brother who would, once in a while, show his human side………. I liked wearing my hair in pigtails, the colour red, listening to Hanson………..and then my parents got divorced and I didn't have parents that loved each other anymore, my dad met someone new and suddenly I didn't just have a brother- I had two stepsisters aswell………. I started high school and wearing you're hair in pigtails isn't cool anymore, and neither is listening to Hanson……….and then………….I stopped eating……….and suddenly I wasn't normal………….I was sick………..

She pulled her arm out from beneath the warm blankets, and brushed away the hot tears that were falling on her pillow.

JESSIE and then just as I'm getting better………..my mother is almost killed!………..and my entire world is turned upside down in the worst possible way………..again!

She sniffled for a moment; unable to read the time now through her blurred eyes, she adjusted her body and peered down at the dresser by the end of her bed, where her red silk dress was hanging. But looking at it, limply draped over the dresser, made her cry more, and think about the party………..and how Katie wouldn't be there.

JESSIE then, just when my mum starts to get better, and I think my life is going to stay put for a little while…………..I go and fall in love with a girl.

She didn't try swiping away the tears, she allowed them to stain her pillow………small, black stains……….she didn't care………all she cared about was Katie……….and how she wouldn't be there tonight……….how she might never be in Jessie's life ever again!

JESSIE (smiling) I fell in love with a beautiful, hilarious, kind, gentle, stunning girl………….and I don't think I was so scared about the falling for a girl part, because I think I've always been that way………. I was scared because for once, I liked the person I had become………..even though this change in me was earth shattering in the best possible way………. I like the way I am because of it………..because of her………..and now all that scares me is………..losing this person that changed me in the best possible way………….it scares me more than not having parents who love each other, or becoming anorexic, or having new sisters…………..because when I'm with her I know who I am………and without her, I don't know anymore!


"Smile!"

An intense light, flashed in Grace's face- and her eyes burst open, to find her mother staring down at her, camera poised in her hand.

"Wh………what?" Grace mumbled, confused and angry, she rolled onto her side and pulled the covers over her head.

"What are you doing……….crazy woman!" she mumbled from beneath the blankets.

"I'm going to make a collage of photo's………" Lily replied, happily.

"What? Why?"

"Of Jessie's party………right now I'm doing the before of the before and after……….I'm getting everyone as they woke up on the morning of Jessie's sweet sixteen………."

Grace couldn't see her, but she guessed her mother was grinning like an idiot.

"Mum………have I told you lately that you are severely un-hinged!" even through the thick covers, the annoyance and sharpness in Grace's tone was clear.

"Alright, alright………I'll go and take some happy snaps of Zoe and Eli………then I'm done!" Lily beamed, and slowly crept out of Grace's room.

"I'll find you during the day……….when you have you're face on………to get some more photo's!" Lily whispered, as she closed the door, and Grace groaned.

"SEVERLY UN-HINGED!" Grace screamed to her closed door- but Lily still heard her.


"Smile!"

Eli closed his eyes, and tried raising his hand to block his face- but Lily still caught him, she lowered the camera and smiled goofily.

"Enough of the snapping, please!………." He mumbled, walking past her to the breakfast table.

"You got a candid of me just as I was waking up……….with bed hair and black bags under my eyes……….isn't that enough of an embarrassing shot for the collage!" he grumbled, plonking his bowl of cornflakes down.

"Oh come on E! It's for you're sisters sweet sixteen collage!" Lily smiled.

"My what?"

Lily spun around, and Eli lifted his head weakly as Jessie stood in the doorway, looking at Lily curiously.

"Oh………err……….nothing……….nothing at all………..want some breakfast?" She smiled nervously, and tucked the camera behind her back.

Jessie looked to Eli, who shook his head, and gave her a don't-even-ask look.

She nodded and headed towards him.

"Jessie!" Lily suddenly yelped- and Jessie looked up, only to be confronted with a bright flash.

She rubbed her sleep filled eyes and looked accusingly at Lily, "what………?" she began to ask, but Lily bolted out of the kitchen before she could say more.

"I really don't want to know?" She asked her brother as she sat down opposite him, and picked a cornflake from his bowl, popping it into her mouth.

"Definitely not!" he replied, grumpily.

Jessie nodded, and turned her head to the phone that sat at the bench, "any calls for me yet?" she asked- secretly praying that Katie had rung, to give her a happy birthday message.

"No- but Grandma will no doubt call any minute now………and mum will be over here with Henry before 9:00………."

Jessie nodded slowly, "but no-one has called………none of my friends?" she asked, slowly.

Eli shook his head, and stared into his cornflakes.

"Oh" Jessie sighed, and Eli lifted his head to look at her, noticing the redness of her eyes.

"You ok?" he asked, softly.

Jessie blinked, and stared at her brother for a moment- suddenly feeling words nestling on the tip of her tongue………

JESSIE I love Katie!

She blinked again, and found that the words were still there- pressing against her mouth, trying to escape.

"Jess?" he prompted.

She swallowed the words down, and managed a small smile, "fine" she mumbled.

Eli spooned in the last of his cornflakes and got up from his chair, looking down at his sister.

ELI she's so fragile………..always has been……….I used to joke with her when she was little, and say that a gust of wind would blow her all the way to China………..she'd get all panicked and beg mum to buy her a map of the world that she could fit in her pocket incase it ever did happen, so she'd be able to find her way home.

"You sure?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, quizzically.

ELI but you know………she is still fragile……….still my baby sister that could get blown all the way to China………..

She looked up, and had to swallow down those menacing words again; she gave a small nod, and managed to stretch her smile a bit.

Eli smiled, and walked towards the sink, putting his plate down, he headed towards the door, but turned and looked over at Jessie again.

Her small body slumped in the chair, wearing her red fluffy nightgown, her golden hair in a tattered mess- he gave a small smile.

"Oh, and Jess, before I forget………"

Jessie turned and looked at her brother.

"Happy birthday" he smiled at her, a broad, goofy smile- that she reflected.

"Thanks"

ELI ………but I think she'd be able to find her way home now, without a map!