Title: Decisions

Author: Cry Tears of Darkness

Setting: This pertains to the episode where Rory comes back from Washington and has trouble deciding between Jess and Dean. Starts when she is still in Washington though.

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own any of these characters, unless I make one up that's not in the show but I don't know yet about that. They belong to the WB and all. Oh well. I wouldn't mind owning Dean though.

Though, I do own "cousin Rita".

Rory's Point of View

Dear Diary,

Today Dean and I broke up. Yesterday he fell into the lake and tried to kill himself. Or a he says, just fell. I don't know. I feel so bad, I mean, because I drove him to that. I feel so so so bad. He doesn't deserve that, not Dean. Dean's too sweet, caring, happy, and loving. It's not fair. At all. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him at all. I didn't mean to. But Jess, what to say? He just brings out this side of me that I never knew. Dean is safe and reliable. Jess is dangerous and spontaneous. What's not to like about either of them? I don't know what to do. Now neither of them may want me. I don't recognize myself anymore. At all.

Am I that bad of a person? I guess so. My mom and I haven't talked yet and we're best friends. Best friends. And we haven't talked. Oh no, I'm screwing my life over so badly. This sucks! But I can't help it. I mean, I love Dean. I really do love Dean. He's is the best, I could never ever find another boyfriend as caring and giving as him. Never. But, Jess, just stirs up my insides. Makes me feel ways Dean never can make me feel. I don't know who to go with. Jess maybe, I can give that a try. Poor Dean. I hope he knows how sorry I am.

I closed my diary and went into the kitchen. My mom was there making supper. That's a change from our usual order in way too much. But simple sandwhitches we can do on our own. Has been a hectic first day back afterall.

"Mom, can we talk?" I asked.

"Rory, you know you can always talk to me." She said. I wasn't sure what she was thinking right now.

"Mom, it's about Dean and Jess." I gave more information.

"I figured." She said. She sat down at the table and handed me a plate with supper on it.

"I'm sorry this happened to Dean. I'm really sorry. And I'm sorry I lied to you about writing to Jess. And I'm sorry things are messed up. I don't know what I was thinking. If I was eve thinking at all." I spilled.

"I know you are. But that doesn't make it all better. That doesn't make Dean ok. That doesn't make Jess ok. I know you're yonug and confused and you have your whole life ahead of you, but you need to stop playing these two guys around and pick one already." She said. I knew she was right too.

"I know. I don't know what to do." I said. I felt like crying.

"You need to figure that one out on your own. I can't make that decision for you." My mom said and looked at me. She hugged me. "Now eat."

We ate supper peacfully and joking around as wel normally do, at that moment it felt good to be back home.

Luke's Point of View

"Jess, Jess, come on, wake up." I pleaded with the boy. He just lay there, tears in his eyes. I felt so bad for him.

"I'm, … awake. Luke. What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Jess replied to me.

"It's just, there is something going on with you. And I want you to talk to me and tell me what it is." I said. God I hated talking.

"I'm just wound up. It was something that doesn't happen every day you know. I'm fine." He said. Still in denial.

"You know, I've been doing some research and you seem to show signs of ummm, this psychological thing called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You know, where you're traumatized after something traumatizing happens." God I'm bad at this.

"Oh aren't you a good describer. You know they should pay you to write the summaries." He joked with me. He is still Jess that's for sure.

"Well, it won't hurt you to get checked. Every night you're crying and all this. It's scary watching you sleep. You cry out in the night." I said. It was true too.

"I have been having dreams. And they do just keep re-running in my mind what happened. But it's all it is." He pleaded.

"Well, ok, but you need to talk to me if something's going on." I said.

"You got it big guy." He replied, he smiled.

Jess's Point of View

I smiled. To make Luke think I was ok. Because I was ok. Or at least, I would be ok. I needed to be ok. I would be ok. Who am I kidding, I wasn't ok. I was far from ok. I mean, I can't even think this let alone spell it out.

I went over to my things, and in my pocket there was a pocket knife. I dug that out. I opened the switchblade and I looked at the blade. Shinney, sharp. Silver. And then I rolled my sleeves up. I saw my skin, perfect and smooth. And what can I say, I took my knife and cut it. My wrist, over and over. And over and over.

"Shit," I mumbled as bloody started to drop to the floor. Faster and faster. "Shit, shit, shit!" I said and ran around trying to find a towel to slow it down and clean up. "What the hell are you doing Jess, what the hell…" I said. "God, I'm talknig to myself too." I'm fine, I needed to be.

After I cleaned up I wrapped my arm up and made sure to roll my sleeves down before I went to help Luke in the dinner for the breakfast rush. I went downstaires, and sure as hell, Loralai and Rory were there.

"So, what will it be this morning?" I asked the two ladies and awaited their response.

"Oh so much to choose from. How about, coffee, coffee and more coffee with pancakes and muffins?" said Loralai. How they manage to eat all that is crazy. You should see it sometimes.

"And you?" I asked and looked at Rory, avoidng eye contact.

"The same please." She smiled at me. She smiled at me. Hummm…

"Coming right up." I said and went to the bac and told Ceaser what to make. Rory came up to the counter.

"So, how are things going, Jess?" She asked me.

"Good, why?" I said. Do you think she knew?

"Just asking I was thinking. Would you like to maybe go see a movie tonight or something if you're not busy and you wanted to that is and if you wanetd to see me, I mean see a movie, I mean…" She talked.

"Are you asking me out, Rory Gilmour?" I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Yes, I am." She said. "So, will you go out with me?"

"I don't see why not. Tonight it is then." I said. I could do that. I mean, after all, it was what I wanted, since I moved here. I've wanted Rory, but did I want Rory like this? It was Rory none the less.

"Yes, tonight it is." She said, she leaned across the counter and kissed me.

Dean's Point of View

I looked through the window at Luke's, Rory was kissing Jess. God, that's a huge blow. I really want to get out of this town. I can't stand it. But what's stopping me anyways?

"Dean! Dean, Dean!" my little sister called. "Let's go, come on!" She hopped along the sidewalk towards home. I followed.

When I got there, I told my mom about possibly going to live with cousin Rita for a bit. She actually understood. I went to my room to make the final touches on the plan, calling cousin Rita and asking, then packing.

"Hello?" Answered a familiar voice.

"Rita, it's Dean, how are you doing?" I responded.

"Good, good, now what brigns you to call?" She asked me.

"Well, I was wondering if you would mind me moving in with you for awhile. Things have gotten complicated here and I need to get away." I explained.

"Well, sure. If your mom says it's alright, head on down now!" She sounded so happy. Reminds me why she was my favorite cousin.

"Thanks, I'll pack and head out tonight." I said, I hung up the phone and packed. I wrote Rory a letter and then caught my bus to Michigan.