The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.
Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?
Chapter 2: Men Don't Wear Skirts.
Hey! ILoveMyGojyo here. Welcome to chapter two. I'm so glad you are enjoying this fic. This chapter won't be as long seriously. Ok, here we go.
Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.
Responses to my reviewers are located at the end of the chapter.
Mustang and Havoc can be seen walking through the vacant hallway.
"This is so embarrassing," Havoc whispered as he gave Mustang a dirty look, "You're her superior, why can't you just tell her off? Make her wear a skirt," he said bitterly.
Roy looked at Havoc, fire in his eyes, "Because she has a gun and I value my life," he said simply, as if it weren't already obvious.
Havoc groaned a little, "Well, at least the hallways are empty. Nobody can see us," he said with a sigh as he and Roy peeked around the corner to see if anyone was in that hall.
"Yeah, well even if there was someone out here, nobody would dare to say a word," Mustang said sternly as he adjusted his shirt collar and walked around the corner.
Havoc shook his head in disbelief, "You have serious issues," he said as he followed behind. He caught up with Mustang, who was walking very quickly, "So, how far do we have to go again?" Havoc asked as his eyes continued to nervously dart around the hallway.
"She said we had to walk around the building and than back to the office," Mustang replied as a small smile began to spread across his face, "I guess she didn't count on the fact that everyone is in their offices working," he said as they rounded yet another corner. Both Mustang and Havoc let out a sigh of relief as the office door came into sight. Mustang stood in front of it and grabbed the doorknob, "See, nobody saw us. Jokes on her," he said before looking back to the door.
"Oh, nobody saw you?" came the familiar voice of a woman from the other end of the hallway.
Mustang and Havoc looked up and saw Riza leaning on the wall.
Mustang smiled once again as he crossed his arms, "Nope, not a soul," he said with a wicked grin, he knew that that would tick off the lieutenant.
Riza shook her head, "Well, we'll have to fix that won't we?" she asked as she pushed herself off the wall.
On the wall where she was leaning was the fire alarm. If she pulled the handle, it would set the alarm off in the entire building, causing everyone to run out of their offices.
Mustang got a stern look on his face, "Don't even think about it lieutenant," he ordered sternly, "You know very well that a false alarm is against the rules. You can be suspended for that," he warned, his eyes very serious.
Riza sighed, "I guess you're right," she said disappointed, she really wanted to get the best of them.
She began walking toward them when Mustang couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"Besides," Roy said with a sadistic smile, causing Riza to stop and look at him, "You wouldn't want everyone to see how much better we look in miniskirts than you. Now would you?" he asked, not realizing the consequences that one remark would have.
Riza's eyes filled with anger as she clenched her teeth, "That's it," she said as she turned around and made her way back to the alarm, "At least if I get suspended, I don't have to put up with the two of you," she said before grabbing the fire alarm.
Roy and Havoc's eyes got big before they realized that all they had to do was go into the office. Roy turned the knob, but to no avail…Riza locked the door and his keys were in his pants. Roy and Havoc looked at Riza, fear in their eyes. The blonde simply smiled and waved before pulling the alarm as hard as she could. Just like she had said, the doors flew open and all of the other military personal ran into the hall. The expression on their faces was that of fear, until they saw the two men. They began to laugh hysterically at the tight, black, miniskirts the men were now sporting. What made the whole ordeal even funnier is that the boxer shorts the men were wearing were longer than the skirts. They had them rolled up in an attempt to hide them, but it didn't work. All the people who worked in that hallway could see Roy's black shorts with flames and Havoc's pink shorts with yellow ducks.
"Well I think we learned a lesson today," Ed said as he, Winry, and Al made their way down the crowded street. He put his arms behind his head as he closed his eyes, "When someone says they don't want help, they mean it," he smiled.
Winry flashed him a dirty look, but didn't say a word.
"But she really did look like she needed some help, Brother," Al said as he looked to Ed. Ed looked up at him, a little irritated, as he waited for his brother to finish, "If it were you who looked like that, wouldn't you want some help?" he asked, trying to make a point.
Ed gritted his teeth, "Not if I said I didn't want any!" he yelled, causing Al to go blue faced and shielded himself with his arms.
Winry turned around and his Ed in the head with her wrench. She stood with her arms to her side and her eyes closed as an angry cross pulsated on her head. Ed whined a little as he rubbed the sore spot on his head.
"Leave Al alone!" Winry ordered as she put her wrench away, "His body may be empty, but he at least has a heart," she said before turning around.
Ed opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off by the sound of Al's voice, "Look!" Al yelled as he pointed in front of him.
Ed and Winry looked where he was pointing. About fifty feet away, across the street, was their friend from earlier. She was being shoved out of a shop by the shop keeper.
"I'm not giving you anything!" the shopkeeper yelled down at the girl, since he did knock her to the ground, "I refuse to help you, you freak! Now get out before you scare away all of my costumers!" he ordered before pointing off to the distance, "Go to the alley where you belong!" he yelled once more before going in and slamming the door.
The young girl got to her feet and leaned on her stick. She hung her head with defeat before walking away; she knew that there was no use hanging around there anymore.
Winry, Ed, and Al watched in aw, "We have to do something," Al said as he looked at Ed hopefully.
Ed looked at him and sighed before hanging his head, "She doesn't want our help, Al. Just drop it," he ordered before walking forward once again.
Winry looked at Al and smiled, "Come on, let's help her," she said excitedly, "We can't let shrimpy bark orders at us, now can we?" she laughed as she ran for the store.
Ed's anger rose and his face went red, "I'M NOT SHORT! I'M TALLER THAN YOU!" he yelled, freaking out just as he always does.
Al gave him a frightened look before taking a few steps to the side, "I'm coming Winry!" he yelled before following the young girl.
The three of them entered the shop and looked around at all of the costumers. This wasn't your normal shop. It was one big room, where you could shop or you could sit and eat. The place looked a bit crowed, but not too crowded. Al, Ed, and Winry had no trouble making their way to the checkout counter. The man on the other side of the counter was the same man that had pushed the young, green-eyed girl out on the street.
"Hi, I'm Leon, the shopkeeper," the man smiled as he looked at the three with gentle eyes. This was the same man, but he acted different toward them, "Can I help you youngins' with anything?" he asked sweetly.
Winry gave him a small smile, though she would have rather hit him, "Yes, you can. Umm, we just need a small dinner. To go if you will," she requested, her cheeks beginning to hurt from the fake smile she had to give him.
"One small dinner coming up," Leon said excitedly as he walked into the back of the shop.
Al looked at Winry with questioning eyes, though he didn't dare ask what came to mind. Fortunately, he didn't have to, Ed did.
"Why were you being so nice to him after what he did to that girl?" Ed asked, a little unsure about Winry's kindness.
Winry looked at the blonde boy and smiled, "Well, I didn't want to make a scene, besides, this is where she was coming to eat. This is where I want to get her food. I'm sure she's hungry and if we make him mad, he won't give us the meal," she replied.
She turned back around and leaned on the counter, unaware of the shocked expressions on Ed and Al's faces.
"You are sounding more and more like him everyday," Ed said as he motioned to Al with his thumb, causing Al to go blue once more.
Leon came back with their order and placed it on the counter. He typed a few things into the register before smiling at Winry.
"There you are," Leon said as he took the money Winry handed him and pushed the box closer to her.
"Thank you," Winry smiled pleasantly before turning and looking at Ed and Al, "Let's go give this to her," she suggested as she headed for the door.
"Yeah, maybe she won't be cranky on a full stomach," Ed laughed as he put his hands in his pockets and followed close behind.
"What makes her a freak?" Al asked as he looked at Leon.
Winry and Ed stopped in their tracks at the sound of the young boy's voice. They turned around and noticed for the first time that he was no longer following them. Al was still standing at the counter looking at the tall, husky, greasy, nasty, shopkeeper.
"Excuse me, what are you talking about?" Leon asked as he gave Al an odd look.
Ed smacked his forehead, he was hoping his brother would drop the subject. On the other hand, Winry's eyes filled with amazement, Al was determined to help this girl no matter what.
"The girl you threw out of here earlier," Al continued, still standing his ground, "What makes her a freak?" he asked again, not in a threatening tone…just curious.
Leon's eyes filled with rage as his face went red, "Haven't you seen her?" he asked coldly, obviously not afraid of Al's…well 'specialness'.
Al looked a bit upset by the man's comment, "Yes, I've seen her," he replied, not loosing his temper, "And I think she's rather cute. She's not a freak," he said as he looked to the floor, he looked as if he were loosing his will to fight.
Leon crossed his arm as he chewed on the toothpick in the corner of his mouth, "Yeah, she is cute isn't she?" he laughed, "But she doesn't have any money. Though, if she needed some, I do get a little lonely at night. I would consider maybe…you know," he said as he rubbed his oversize gut and winked at Al.
A disgusted look appeared on Ed and Winry's face as they thought about this. Al looked up at the man, an equally disgusted look on his face.
"You sicken me," Al said, still in an awkwardly cool tone, "You can't help a poor child who has nowhere to go. You need the help sir, not her," he said as he turned around and made his way to the rest of his party.
Winry smiled at him to let him know she was proud that he didn't lose his temper. Ed, on the other hand, seemed to have the angry expression on his face, equal to that of the anger Al was feeling.
Leon laughed as they headed toward the door, "Yeah, get out you useless moron!" he called after them, this grabbed the attention of all of the people in the store, "Go find your little girlfriend and tell her about the offer I'm making!" he said, humor still in his voice, "At least one of us can please the young lady," he continued.
Everyone in the store got a disgusted look on their faces, much like the one Ed, Al, and Winry had been sporting. Al stopped and looked around at Leon. He opened his mouth to say something, but the realization that he hardly knew this girl popped into his head. There really wasn't any need to keep fighting it. He turned and followed Winry and Ed out without another word, though the thoughts of what he could do did go through his mind.
The three stepped outside the shop and looked around for where they could go next.
"Oh," Winry said excitedly as she pointed off into the distance. She spun around and put the food in Ed's hands, "I'll be right back," she said before running across the street, nearly getting run over three times.
Ed and Al walked up to the curb and sat down on it, "So," Ed said after a few moments of silence, "You were pretty cool back there. You didn't lose your temper or anything," he said, sounding proud of his brother. Al nodded a little but didn't say a word. Ed gave him an odd look, "Are you ok?" he asked concerned.
Al looked at him and sighed, "I was really mad," he said weakly, "I almost hurt him," he confessed.
Ed laughed a little, "It's alright, everyone losses their temper at some time. I think he would have deserved it anyway," he assured his younger brother.
Al looked at him and nodded, letting him know he understood. Ed smiled back at him before looking across the street. Winry walked out of the store on the other side. She looked at them and waved them over to her side. They both stood up and brushed themselves off before crossing the street and catching up with Winry.
Mustang can be seen pacing back and forth in his office, still wearing the skirt. Riza stood in the center of the office. Her back was straight and her hands were at her sides.
"You pulled the alarm," Mustang began to scold, "Do you know the consequences of a false alarm?" he asked, still pacing in front of her.
"Yes sir," Riza answered quickly, "You made sure I was aware of that before I did it," she continued, keeping as military as possible.
Mustang cleared his throat before stopping in front of Riza. His face was mere inches from hers.
"Enough of this," Roy said as his voice went from scolding to a bit of whining, "Where are my pants?" he asked, his legs were getting a bit chilly.
Havoc walked over to her as well, "Yeah, everyone can see my boxers," he whined as well.
A smile spread across Riza's face, "You have to find them, Sir," she replied simply.
Mustang held a finger up to her face and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
He looked at the door, anger in his eyes, "Come in!" he yelled, forgetting the skirt.
The door opened slowly as the Fuhrer emerged into the room. Both Havoc and Mustang snapped to attention, Riza didn't have to worry, she was already there.
"I wanted to know if any of you had any leads on who pulled the…what are you wearing officers?" the Fuhrer began, his expression changing when he saw the skirts.
Mustang and Havoc covered themselves up, than snapped to attention, then covered themselves up.
Riza laughed as she watched them continue this, "They were wondering if it'd be ok to wear these with their uniforms from now on?" she asked, seeing how Roy and Havoc couldn't.
The Fuhrer raised an eye brow, "Whatever makes you comfortable," he said as he attempted to shield his eyes with his hands, "If you get any leads, just come tell me," he ordered as he turned to the door and grabbed the side of it, "But, please wear pants," he requested before walking out, pulling the door shut as he left.
Roy and Havoc gave Riza a dirty look, which she return with a simple smile. She never once broke her military bearing.
Ok, that was kinda short. I'll make it longer the next time. Please review.
Response to Reviewers:
az4ever: Thanks for my first review. I hope I updated fast enough. Sorry this chapter wasn't as funny as the last, but the next one will be a lot better. You'll never guess where the pants are…hehehehehehe.
FlameHead: Your review made me blush. That was funny. I've never had any reviews like that before. Very cool.
ILUVED: Yay! I'm glad you liked it. Please continue to read.
Kaiya-Chan: Of course I remember you, I sat and read your fic for several hours. It wouldn't have taken me so long if I didn't laugh every five seconds. But hey, that's what makes a fic worth reading. I'm really glad you liked my fic, and yes, she is a brat. I hope you will continue to read. You'll never guess where the pants are, that's the funny part. Hehehehehehehehehahahahahahahaha!
ILoveMyGojyo.
