It was a beautiful day at Sunnydale High, a small high school nestled in the heart of Southern California. The sun was shining just enough to be comfortable, allowing most of the students to take their lunches outside during lunch hour, rather than eating in the cafeteria.
One such sixteen year old boy did exactly that, finding a nice tree near a group of picnic tables to sit down against grateful for the shade it provided as he carefully opened the brown paper bag that contained his lunch.
As he did so, a cheerleader sat down at the picnic table behind the tree and sighed in annoyance as she checked her watch. Her friend was late.
Moment's later the sound of books angrily hitting the picnic table caused the boy to drop his sandwich in surprise. Cursing under his breath, he picked it up and craned his head around the tree to see just who it was that had startled him into dropping his lunch.
The first girl was thin, blonde, and chalk full of all the cheerleader clichés that make up high school life. Her friend had dark hair, but possessed not a lot else to differentiate herself. Shaking his head, the boy turned back to his lunch, knowing they wouldn't have noticed him even if he did a dance in front of them naked with a wreath of blinking Christmas tree lights on his head.
Still, as he sat there he could overhear them and made no move to change places. The blonde was speaking.
"You're late Crystal…again." She flipped her hair angrily, though the boy could not see that.
"It's all that stupid librarian's fault." Crystal, the dark haired girl fumed. "If I fail this project I'm gonna get my father to sue the school, I swear it Skylar."
"You went to the library?" Skylar scrunched up her nose at the thought of entering geek town for any reason at all, even if it was a school project.
"Yea, and it was closed…again!" Crystal thumped her hand on the picnic table to emphasize her anger. "Just as I got there that freak Buffy Summers was putting a sign outside it saying that they had to do filing or something."
"Buffy Summers?" Skylar sounded slightly confused. "Do I know her?"
"Yea, she's that weirdo that hangs with that book worm Willow Rosenburg and that goober Xander Harris…"
"That loser that Cordelia's dating?" Skylar grimaced. "I can't believe she sunk so low as to hang out with those freaks."
"Yea, I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes." Crystal said snootily. "I don't think she was in the library when I tried to get in though. Just Buffy and that strange librarian. Closed for filing….God, they do a lot of filing in that stupid library! I better not fail because of some foreign librarian and his anal attention to detail!"
"It's kinda weird though isn't it?" Skylar questioned, ignoring the drama queen-esque whine in her friend's voice. "Buffy Summers I mean. She's ALWAYS in there. And they close that thing so often…"
"Yea, it is a little odd." Crystal agreed. "And they're always hanging out around the school together as well! I mean, talk about teacher's pet."
"He's not even really a teacher though," Skylar said with a sniff. "I mean, he's just a librarian. And I've heard other things about the two of them too….weird things."
"What do you mean?" Crystal sounded really curious now. Skylar leaned forward and looked at her, speaking in a low, conspiratorial voice. The boy could still hear them though and they still hadn't realized he was there.
"Well I heard that once he went to the Bronze with Buffy. Cordelia saw him there before she went insane and started hanging with them. Also I've heard that he's been to her house before and Ashley saw them hanging out once alone together at 11:00 at night in a graveyard!"
"Ewww!" Crystal exclaimed. Skylar nodded her agreement.
"You don't think they're…y'know…involved do you?" She wondered. "I mean, how often does the librarian come to your house?"
"Never and if he ever does I'll send my dogs out after him!" Crystal announced, sounding slightly revolted. "And involved? Are you serious? You think she's dating the librarian?"
The boy couldn't see Crystal's shudder, but it mirrored his own.
"Well it makes sense doesn't it?" Skylar continued. "And she is a total freakazoid, I mean I wouldn't put it past her."
"But I heard that she was dating some other guy," Crystal said with a frown. "Some guy with a weird name like 'Fairy', or 'Angel' or something. He's older, but not librarian old. I saw him once with her at the Bronze."
"Were they making out?" Skylar demanded. That was her definition of dating. If there was no making out, it didn't count. Crystal thought for a moment, then shook her head.
"I don't think so, but they seemed to be talking pretty intently." She chewed her lip speculatively. "You don't think that she's dating them both?"
"Please, like she's that popular!" Skylar said derisively. "Was the guy hot?"
"Yea, he was pretty lickable." Crystal replied. Then, as she thought of her own boyfriend, amended, "not as lickable as Darren of course, cause he's just the hottest guy on the football team, and there's no way Buffy Summers could get a guy as hot as my boyfriend, but even still…"
"Crystal…reality?" Skylar sounded annoyed with her friend's diatribe which Crystal suspected was because she didn't have a boyfriend, much less one as hot as Darren.
"Right, sorry. Anyway, I think she's with that guy. Cordelia thought he was some college student."
"I just don't think she's cute enough to get a hot college guy," Skylar said logically. "I mean, who does her hair? And once she showed up at the Bronze with sticks and twigs and stuff all stuck in it. She looked like she had just rolled in a pumpkin patch. I always thought she was in a gang."
"She's in a gang and dating the librarian?" Crystal giggled. "Next you're gonna tell me that he's a biker, or that he plays guitar on the side!"
"Yea, right, like he'd even know what end of a guitar was up!" Skylar scoffed. "He's British, I mean, what have they ever done for music?"
"Nothing that I can think of," Crystal replied with an offhanded shrug. "I dunno, I'm just telling you what Cordelia told me before she crossed over to the dark side. You're the one who thinks she's in a gang and that the librarian is some sort of crazy biker/rockstar on the side."
"I never said that," Skylar said with exasperation. "I just think it's a little odd…I mean, she got kicked out of her old school for getting into fights. That to me, says gang. And Snyder is always after her for fighting. Remember how she and that biker chick Sheila had to organize parent's night together? And there was some weird gang thing that night."
"That does make sense," Crystal agreed. "I just don't see how she could be dating the weirdo stuffy librarian and in a gang. It just doesn't seem to fit. What if that 'Fairy' guy is in a gang too? Or…ooooh! I know!"
"What?" Skylar was intrigued by the light in her friend's eyes that seemed to signify that she had it all figured out.
"What if she isn't in a gang…what if she's y'know…selling herself and the 'Fairy' guy is a pimp? I mean, don't pimps have weird girly names like that some times? Like fat guys named Tiny? What if that's why they were talking so seriously…and maybe she's not dating the librarian…maybe he's a 'client'…if you know what I mean."
The boy behind the tree began to choke on the apple he was eating, but neither of the girls heard. They were too absorbed in their own speculations.
"Oh my God Crystal, that makes so much sense!" Skylar was exclaiming. "I mean, that could be why the librarian met her at the Bronze that night…and went to her house and the graveyard! I mean she does live at home, so maybe she has to conduct….y'know, business whenever or wherever she can."
"Eeew, I can't believe that even she would sink so low." Crystal said with a grimace. "And Cordelia must totally know about it cause she hangs with them! You don't think that Xander is paying her to date him do you?"
"Why would she need the money?" Skylar pointed out logically. "No, that's her own insanity. But Buffy Summers…yikes. Do you think we should report this? I mean, prostitution is against the law and the librarian is like…ninety and all. We could maybe get interviewed and be on TV and stuff!"
"Yea, but we don't have any evidence." Crystal said with a pout. "And we couldn't just like…tell people that, cause we could get in serious trouble without proof. Still, we should totally keep an eye on her just in case we someday see something really gross."
"You think Snyder would kick her out for sure?" Skylar wondered.
"I dunno…maybe." Crystal paused. "Unless he's a customer as well and overcompensating for it by coming down so hard on her at school all the time."
"Now that's just really nasty." Skylar said. "I totally can't even finish my lunch after that mental image."
"You wanna go to the football field and watch Darren practice?" Crystal asked, lighting up at the thought of seeing her boyfriend in his football outfit. Skylar rolled her eyes, but nodded anyway and the two girls got up and headed off in the direction of the football field.
The boy was left alone behind the tree with his lunch and a whole new host of disgusting mental images to contend with. Buffy and Angel was bad enough, but Buffy and Giles? And Snyder?
Realizing that he too could no longer finish his lunch, Xander Harris stood up and approached a nearby garbage can. He decided that rather than sit out here by himself he would go to the library to see if he could watch Buffy training. He knew that was why it was really closed on a Thursday.
He wondered as he walked whether he should tell Buffy and Giles what he had overheard, but as he entered the double doors of the library and saw him scolding her for bad form in a roundhouse kick that it was just too gross a contemplation for him to ever voice out loud. They didn't need to know this particular rumor.
And most people thought Xander Harris was just an ordinary guy. This particular secret gave him hero status at least.
"Hey Xander, what's up?" Buffy asked him. He must have still worn the expression of disbelief and disgust because she squinted at him slightly. "You didn't try drinking a gallon of gator aid again did you? Cause Cordy's not gonna find that impressive."
"No, it's nothing." He replied, suppressing one final shudder. "Just a little stomach upset. I'm fine."
She shrugged and went back to training with Giles, leaving Xander to contemplate the extreme weirdness of a town where the people refused to believe in vampires but were willing to believe the slayer was a hooker, Angel was a pimp and the watcher was a john. It was a strange town indeed.
