Chapter 7
Brian was sitting up in his room and working on an article for the Gazette, but his mind couldn't concentrate on the topic of the school getting new spelling books for the young children. How was he supposed to write about the innocent blessings in life, when he had so much to be down about? His big sister, the sister he'd known since the day he was born was dead, her husband hand run off, and yet another infant had been added to the household. Matthew had quit school for a little while and was temporarily giving up working toward his dream job, because the family needed him. To make matters worse, every time Brian went to see his friends in town, all eyes would grow downcast, and they would become silent. He didn't want people to think they had to act differently around him. All he wanted was a little bit of normal in his life, and if they could for once act like nothing had ever happened, he would be thrilled! But, he knew it always happened when somebody lost a loved one. Words were lost to those giving condolences, and the usual "I'm so sorry about your loss" was all people could muster to speak under their breaths.
Brian shook his head, sighed heavily and pushed his paper tablet to the back of his desk. He stood and moved over toward the window. He noticed his parents standing out by the corral. Katie was sleeping in her father's arms, and Matthew's horse was quickly coming up the path. What was on Matthew's coat lapel? A shiny tin star? He'd actually done it. He'd been talking about getting the position of sheriff back, and Brian was amazed that he'd done it so quickly. He opened his window and strained to hear the conversation that was about to happen.
"Matthew?" Michaela asked as her oldest son dismounted. Her fingers immediately went to touch the sheriff's star on his coat.
"I already asked the other members of the town council, Ma," Matthew replied. "Even if you woulda said no, they woulda hired me back anyway. Don't be mad."
"I'm not angry," Michaela said softly. "I know you're a grown man, and I know you were a wonderful sheriff once." Matthew looked at Sully.
"I just want ya to know that things are gonna change. I know more about the law than I did before," Matthew explained. Sully only nodded and extended his hand to his son.
"Be careful?"
"I will, but I need ya for this one." Michaela's eyes grew fearful.
"What's happened?" she wondered.
"Some folks in town got robbed, and the trail's probably pretty cold by now. But, I was thinking that Sully might be able to help me track this fella. I went 'round and got as much information as I could. I think we've got enough to search on." Sully looked at Michaela. "We shouldn't be gone more than a few hours. If it gets too late, we'll make camp and head back in the mornin'." Michaela's eyes were tearing up at the thought of her husband and son going out in pursuit of an outlaw. She'd just lost her daughter, and she couldn't stand the thought of losing two of the most important men in her life. But, she knew they needed to do this. She knew it would be good for them to get away for just a little while.
"You'll both be careful?" Michaela asked. Matthew nodded.
"Always, Ma." He pulled her into a brief hug. "I'll go bring your horse out, Sully." He knew Sully could do it for himself, but he figured he should give his parents a few minutes alone. Sully pulled his wife into his arms, and they clung to one another as tightly as they could with Katie in between them.
"Don't you fret," he whispered. "We'll be home real soon. You sure you'll be alright with the girls?"
"Brian's here. We'll be alright," Michaela promised with her bravest smile.
"Nothin' bad is gonna happen if I can help it." Michaela nodded.
"I know." Sully pressed his lips against his wife's, and for several long seconds, they silently expressed their love to one another.
When Matthew brought Sully's horse and an overnight pack (just in case) from the barn, the lovers reluctantly pulled away from one another. Sully noticed Brian peering out of the window, and he waved goodbye. He placed Katie securely in her mother's arms, gave his wife another sweet kiss and mounted his horse. After giving a reluctant look around the lot, Sully and Matthew rode off with Wolf trailing directly behind them.
Michaela stared off until they had long-since disappeared, and soon, Brian was standing at her side.
"Ma, Beth's cryin' for ya." Michaela nodded and turned her back on the direction that Sully and Matthew had rode off in. "Don't worry. Pa and Matthew will be alright. They always are." Michaela handed Katie to her big brother and started into the house to care for her baby daughter. Brian walked over to sit on the steps of the porch with his sleeping sister nestled in his arms. "Katie? Do ya think Colleen's happy in Heaven?" He paused, listening to his little sister breathe. "I wish I coulda protected her. I wish I coulda been nicer to her when we were younger. But, ya don't gotta worry about a thing, Katie. Ya know why? 'Cause I'm gonna be there for ya forever. I'm gonna be the best big brother. I never wanna see ya hurtin'. I know what happened to Colleen wasn't anybody's fault, but maybe by the time you're old enough, what happened to her won't happen so much no more. Ma might find a way to help ladies who have problems like Colleen had after the baby was born." He kissed Katie upon the head. "Ma can do anything. I believe it."
Michaela placed Beth back in her cradle. The baby had only needed a changing, and she was fast asleep again. Julia was half-awake, and Michaela smiled down at her. She picked the baby up and moved to sit upon the bed. She placed the baby in her lap, and the little one sprawled out comfortably. Michaela traced her fingers over the child's soft cheek, and the little one turned her head a little and let out a yawn.
"Sweet girl," Michaela whispered. "I had a dream about your mother last night. Yes. She loves you so much, even though she can't be here with you. She wants us to be happy and to raise you up to be the best girl you can be. Oh, Julia, your grandfather and I love you so much, and it seems that you've already become a part of the family. I love you so much, and Beth especially loves having you to sleep next to every night. She may be your aunt, but she's more like a sister to you. I'm sure Colleen wouldn't mind you thinking of her baby sister as your own." She sighed and leaned her head back to stare at the ceiling. "The past week has been hard, because the first thing on my mind when I wake is Colleen being gone, and that's the last thing I think of before I drift off to sleep. But, no more. I won't hold onto the past anymore. I'm going to do what Colleen would want. I'm going to be happy. Things will change."
Julia cooed and yawned again. Michaela grinned and kissed the baby's forehead.
"Don't think I don't miss your mother, because I always will. She'll always be in my thoughts and my heart, but there are people who need me here and things that I need to accomplish. One of those is to be a good mother to Katie and Beth. And . . . though I'm your grandmother, I'll treat you as if you were my own little girl. You practically are, sweetheart. You've had me wrapped around your little finger since the moment you were born. But, every singe day, I'm going to let you know what a special, beautiful young woman your mother was. Her love will always be right here, little one." He put her hand over the baby's heart, and a moment later, young Julia was fast asleep. Michaela felt something rise from her shoulders, and she felt as if she could breathe again. She didn't feel a choking sob coming on like she usually did after speaking about Colleen. She felt a sense of peace washing over her. Yes, she was healing.
The carriage stopped in front of the Cook residence, and Andrew looked up at the large townhouse and shook his head sadly. It was no longer the cozy home he and Colleen had made theirs from their love. It was a mere stone structure; a mausoleum that would forever hold the memories of the past, both happy and painful.
"Thank you," Andrew said quietly, paying the carriage driver. The man tipped his hat to the doctor. As soon as Andrew's feet hit the pavement, the carriage took off, leaving him in the empty street. Andrew sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He wasn't quite sure if he had the courage to step inside of the house and see their wedding picture hanging above the mantle above the fireplace. Perhaps he would avoid that all together and retire to the bedroom. The bedroom? The place where they had made love and held one another at night? The place where baby Julia had been conceived and dreamed about? Perhaps he wouldn't go to the bedroom after all. Besides, the baby's room was on the way to the bedroom, and he wasn't quite ready to see that either.
He began to wish he could turn around and go back to the hospital, but he had to face his daemons somehow. He couldn't repress his memories and his feelings forever, because he didn't want to die a lonely, grief-stricken man who should have had more time. He had to face Colleen's memory now and deal with the consequences of his actions.
He walked up to the door and was about to stick the key in the lock when the knob turned, and the large oak door opened. The butler, Edward, stood aside stiffly.
"Welcome home, sir. Shall I have Marie prepare your lunch?" the eighty-something butler asked in a thick English accent. Andrew shook his head.
"No, Edward. If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone. Please let Marie know that I do not want to be disturbed, and you may both have the day off."
"Sir?"
"You heard me," Andrew replied. He left the foyer and traveled down the hall toward the small library that he and Colleen used to study in. The butler stared after the master of the house for a moment before wandering off to tell the maid that Dr. Cook did not want to be disturbed.
Andrew settled down into one of the armchairs in the library, and he stared into the cold blackness of the hearth. He didn't feel strong enough to get up and start a fire to warm the house on this particularly cool June day.
He noticed a book open on the table, and he reached over to pull it into his hands. He folded it shut and stared at the title of a surgical textbook. He recognized it as the one that Michaela had given to Colleen shortly before she headed off to college for the first time. Colleen had been reading up on the complications that were possible or common after and during childbirth. How ironic? Andrew had had no idea, and that was probably a good thing, because he wouldn't have wanted her to read it. He had wanted her to be free of stress and relaxed until the birth. He thought she had been, but perhaps she had been worrying more than he had.
He placed the book on the side table and stood. He finally placed a few logs in the hearth and struck a match. The room was soon glowing with the firelight, and Andrew felt a little more relaxed. He leaned against the mantle and closed his eyes, thinking about one of the last times he stood there contemplating his life and thinking about work.
"Andrew?" her sweet voice echoed melodiously down the hall. He was standing with his hand on the mantle and staring into the flames. He had just gotten back from performing a serious surgery, and his patient had died on the operating table. He hadn't seen Colleen at all except for early that morning, so he was eager to hold her in his arms and forget about the day's events.
"In here," he called out. Colleen's bright face appeared, and she practically floated in, wearing a light blue dress with beautiful lace around the neck. Andrew always found her breathtaking in that piece. "Good afternoon." Colleen made her way across the room and into her husband's arms. They held one another, reveling in the time they could spend with one another. With Andrew always at the hospital and Colleen having more than enough school work to do, they rarely got to spend a quiet moment together in the afternoon.
"You're home early."
"I lost a patient today," he explained. Colleen sighed and placed her hand on her husband's cheek.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I understand that you'd want to take the rest of the day off." They embraced again, and Andrew inhaled the scent of the sweet soaps she used on her skin.
"Thank you," he whispered. When they pulled away, a curious look came across his face. "Wait a minute. I figured you'd be in class now."
"I took the day off too," she explained. Andrew was even more surprised. Colleen never took the day off!
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I had the feelin' you'd be home early, and I'm glad that feelin' was right. I wanted to spend the day with you, Andrew." The look in her eyes told him she was carrying a secret. He took her hands in his, and they sat down in front of the fire on the beautiful Oriental rug that had been a wedding gift from Elizabeth Quinn.
"What's going on, Colleen? I know that look in your eye. You're hiding something." Colleen couldn't hold back her bright smile, and it warmed Andrew's heart.
"I am keepin' somethin' from you, but I promise I only found out about it early this mornin'," Colleen began. Andrew nodded slowly. "Andrew, I know things have been busy 'round here lately. I know we haven't been married very long, and our financial situation isn't the best right now."
"Right," Andrew said quietly. They had had several bills to pay with Colleen being in school. "What's going on?" He was very curious to know.
"We've been talkin' about havin' a family of our own one day, right?"
"Right," Andrew said slowly, realization crossing his mind.
"What would you say if I told you we were startin' that family a little early?" Andrew's face drew a blank, and Colleen looked a bit disappointed. She looked away and felt the urge to cry. She had hoped he would be happy with her news. "Andrew?" She looked back at him to see a smile slowly spreading over his face.
"A baby?" he asked. Colleen nodded, the color and smile slowly coming back to her face. "You're sure?"
"I visited with Dr. Thomas this mornin'," she explained. "I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. I know it's going to be hard, Andrew, but I really want this baby. I know we're young, and we were plannin' on waitin' a few years. But, these things happen, and I'm happy, Andrew." He saw the sparkle in her eyes, and she was full of so much love. He knew she'd make a wonderful mother. "I want this baby with everything that I have. I just want to know that you feel the same." Andrew swallowed hard. He wasn't extremely excited about becoming a father so early, but when he saw how happy this made Colleen, he wanted it too. He wanted somebody to call him "Papa."
"Colleen, I would be honored to have this baby with you. I love you, and we're going to love this baby more than anything in the world. I'll be the best father I can be to our baby." Colleen let out an excited squeal and threw herself into her husband's arms. They laughed when they fell over on the floor together. Andrew held her so closely, and they fell to sleep together, happy and nervous that their lives were about to change forever.
"I was such a fool," Andrew whispered. He had had no idea what kind of situation he had gotten himself into. And once that baby came into the world, it shook him to his very core to know that he was going to have to face parenthood alone. He didn't think he could do it. "I'm so sorry I let you down, Colleen." He took a large, shaky breath and turned to leave the room. It seemed that there wasn't a place in the house that didn't remind him of a memory he'd shared with Colleen. He couldn't stand being in there one more moment. He needed to get out.
He stormed out of the library and toward the door, passing the butler along the way. He rushed out of the townhouse and into the street, needing fresh air. A few children ran past with kites. They must have been on their ways home from spending an afternoon along the Charles. He had taken Colleen there a few times.
"Sir!" came a voice from behind. Andrew spun around to see Edward rushing out of the house as quickly as his feeble old legs would carry him. "I nearly forgot!"
"What is it, Edward?"
"You received another telegram this morning." Andrew took the slip of paper in his hands, and he nodded his head.
"Thank you, Edward. I appreciate this." Edward nodded and turned to walk away. Andrew began to walk. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to get away from the house for just a little while. He was half-afraid to read what was in the telegram, but he did see that it was from Sully and Michaela. His messages had been sent to the hospital when he hadn't returned home, and he hadn't answered any of their desperate telegrams, but each one had let him know that Julia was healthy and strong. But, they didn't hesitate to express their disappointment in him either. He knew it wouldn't be long before the telegrams stopped, and he would be able to pretend to move on in his existence. But, these frequent telegrams were a constant reminder of the burden he had back in Colorado Springs. The child he'd promised to love forever was in her grandparents' care, and he was back in Boston trying to put the pieces of his broken spirit back together. "What kind of a father am I?"
He made his way into a small park and sat down upon the bench. He opened up the telegram and prepared himself for the worst. Silently, he began to read:
Andrew,
Julia is doing well, and she is thriving by the day. We've put your letter to her in a locked box, but Sully and I only hope you will decide to be a part of her life before she's old enough to read it for herself. She's not a burden, and we love her very much. Please, don't shut yourself out of her life. She needs you.
Michaela
Andrew crumpled up the piece of paper in his hand and threw it to the ground. The wind picked up and carried it away. He couldn't think about it now. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and forget about the mess he'd made of his life for just a little while.
After several hours of searching, Sully and Matthew had successfully captured the robber, cuffed his hands and retrieved the money that he'd taken from the townsfolk. Now the man, Christopher or "Chris," as he called himself, was passed out on top of Sully's horse, and Sully and Matthew were leading the horses into Colorado Springs.
"Think I'm gonna like bein' sheriff again," Matthew said quietly.
"Why's that?" Sully wondered.
"Helpin' people is what I wanna do. I mean, I wanna be a lawyer and really do somethin' that brings justice, but bein' a sheriff, I can protect my friends and family."
"Ya know your ma is gonna worry again," Sully pointed out.
"It'll only be for a little while. Maybe Daniel will come back before I go back to school."
"I wouldn't count on that," Sully said distantly. "But, whatever ya decide to do, me and your ma will support ya."
"I appreciate that."
They led the horses up to the jail, and Matthew tugged the man from the horse. Chris was startled, but he realized he was being thrown into a cell the next minute.
"Ya know ya can't keep me here forever!"
"Just 'til a judge gets here to decide what to do with ya," Matthew replied, locking the man in. He put the keys in his pocket and joined Sully, locking the outside door. "I'm gonna go see to it that folks get their money back. Ya don't gotta wait for me. I'm sure Dr. Mike would be glad to know things went fine." Sully nodded. He patted his oldest son on the back, mounted the horse and rode off towards home.
When Sully arrived at home, he found Michaela sitting downstairs reading one of her many medical journals. He smiled when she didn't even hear him come in. It didn't bother him that she didn't hear his entrance, because he found it endearing the way she could get caught up in reading about medicine.
He slowly shut the door and crept across the floor. Michaela smiled when she heard him behind her, but she pretended not to notice.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek as he stood behind the chair. He was amazed that she didn't so much as flinch.
"Welcome home," she whispered.
"Kids sleepin'?"
"Mmm," she answered, turning her head to greet his lips with her own. "How did the search go?"
"We found the thief, and Matthew's got him locked up at the jail. He'll be home just as soon as he gets the money back to the folks that got robbed."
"Good," Michaela replied with a smile. Sully kissed her softly again and took the medical journal from her hands. He placed it aside and stared into her eyes.
"Ya must be tired."
"I am," she admitted with a yawn.
"C'mon, let's go on up to bed." Michaela nodded and yawned. Sully helped her up, and she was surprised when he pulled her into his arms and ran his fingers through her hair. A grin spread over her face, and she couldn't help but think that she hadn't felt this playful in a long time. She felt as if she shouldn't be enjoying herself when her daughter had just passed on, but then again, she knew that she had to continue to live her life and not let the bad things cripple her for the rest of her life.
Sully had to admit that he missed being close with his wife. They hadn't been intimate for several months due to the pregnancy, and they were still going to have to wait awhile to let Michaela heal from Beth's birth.
As his lips traveled to her neck, Michaela allowed a giggle to escape from deep inside of her.
"Sully! What are you doing!" she asked, tilting her head back a little. Sully's lips parted from her skin, and he moved them to his wife's lips. She opened her mouth to him, inviting his tongue to explore and dance with hers.
When they finally pulled away breathlessly, Michaela dreamily stared up into her husband's eyes.
"Is it a crime for a man to wanna kiss his wife?"
"Definitely not a crime," Michaela whispered softly against his lips. "You know that we can't . . ."
"I know," he replied quietly, hugging her close. "But that don't mean we can snuggle and kiss does it?" Michaela smiled.
"Certainly not." Sully nodded toward the stairs, and a smile crept over Michaela's face. They silently walked hand-in-hand toward the staircase and up to their bedroom.
Michaela pulled back the covers and slipped underneath them after draping her robe over the foot of the bed. Sully undressed and climbed into the bed beside his wife. They met in the center of the bed, wrapped their arms around one another and breathed a collective sigh of contentment.
"Everything go okay while we were gone?" Sully wondered, rubbing his wife's shoulder lovingly.
"Mmm," she muttered, gently running her fingers along his chest. "Brian was a big help. Katie was a little fussy, but Beth and Julia weren't much of a problem. They slept most of the time you were gone."
"That's good," Sully yawned. Michaela closed her eyes and listened to the beating of her husband's heart. As they were drifting off to sleep, Michaela muttered something.
"Sully?"
"Hmm?" he asked between the stages of being awake and asleep.
"I wish we could hold each other like this forever." Sully softly kissed the top of her head before they both surrendered to their dreams.
