Lie In The Sound
Chapter 7: Far From Normal
Lulu had forced me to get out of the hospital and get some rest. I'd given the baby her bottle and learned to change a diaper before I rocked her to sleep, and then I'd followed Wakka back to the house. Lulu and Paine were staying that night, and I couldn't be more grateful. I'd had only about five hours of sleep in the past two days, and I was asleep on my feet.
I took a small bedroom on the ground floor, toward the back of the house. I opened the window and sat back on the bed, letting the sound of the waves against the nearby docks take my mind far out to sea, where there was nothing to worry about but the wind and the waves.
Lulu sat in Rikku's room as the sun began to peek over the horizon. She was frightened for the younger girl. Lulu was the only other woman in their circle of friends who knew the pains and joys of pregnancy, the stress of childbirth… and the dangers of it, as well.
It was hard for her to see someone she thought of as a younger sister so pale and lifeless. And in some way, she felt responsible. Lulu had delivered two babies since she'd given birth to Vidina, and neither of the other births had had any complications. The mothers had been fine, lively once more after a few days' rest, no worse for the wear. Why hadn't Rikku turned out the same?
Thankfully, the baby was healthy. She was absolutely radiant. Lulu couldn't help her need to hold the little person tightly, to be a mother while her own was unable to be one. She'd remained with the baby all evening, until Paine had come in to take over. And while she couldn't help her need to mother the little child, she also couldn't help feeling as if she was the reason that the little girl's mother was lying unconscious, pale and unmoving.
Lulu could hurt and heal with magic, but this was one thing magic couldn't fix. Even the most powerful Firaga spell wouldn't be able to dry her tears as the sunlight spilled over the city.
Paine had watched Lulu as she rocked the baby and smiled, talking to her in a kind and warm voice. In a person who had a personality so similar to her own, this was a rare occasion. While she was often warm and loving with Vidina, her own child, Paine had never seen her act that way toward anyone else.
Dawn arrived, and with it, the little blonde infant began to fuss. Really, she was the best behaved newborn Paine had ever seen. She didn't squall and scream, she only fussed. She didn't protest when picked up. Paine didn't have much experience with babies, but she knew that a good baby was rare. You could hear Vidina the human alarm clock from across the village. This one was an angel.
"Your father really needs to decide on a name for you… otherwise you're going to end up with so many nicknames that you won't know what to answer to." Paine reached down and gently picked the little one up, placing her head on her shoulder and rocking her back and forth awkwardly in an attempt to calm her. "How are you this fine morning, hm?"
The baby stared at her and sucked in a big breath, yawning.
Paine gave a thin grin. "Whoa there. Still tired? I know how you feel, I really do."
The baby gave off a little coo and blinked her big baby eyes, her little hand grasping Paine's shirt. Paine smiled and suddenly felt more comfortable as she talked to the child, walking back and forth across the nursery.
"I like you already. You're a lot more quiet that your mother or your aunt. And you're certainly not acting like your father." The baby cooed again. "Yeah… he needed to sleep, so Auntie Lulu and I sent him away. He'll be back though, don't worry. You won't be stuck with me for much longer."
Paine walked over to the counter and began to prepare a bottle, still rocking the infant back and forth. "You know, your mother was really scared about you. She couldn't wait to meet you and all, but… she said that she didn't know how to take care of a baby, how to talk to someone who can't answer you… but really, I don't know what she was scared about. It isn't that difficult. It's good to have someone to talk to who won't think about what you're saying, or give you an opinion, I think. You're a good girl, just listening to me blab on." Shaking up the bottle, she took a seat in the little chair near the window.
The baby eagerly began to drink, kicking her little legs around happily as she did so. Paine smiled as she watched. She shook her head and looked out the window. "But I had that before… she might have thrown in her own little comments from time to time, but Rikku was always there just to listen. I didn't need to talk very often, she really took care of that for me most of the time, but whenever I needed her, she would just stop everything and… be a friend." The young woman ran a hand through her short hair, staring out at the glowing harbor. "There are only a few people in this world who could stand me long enough to be my friend, you know? I'm really glad that she's one of them. She… she's bold, and different. Not afraid to speak her mind. She always manages to keep everyone in good spirits."
Looking down at the little girl in her arms, Paine felt the unfamiliar burn of tears forming behind her eyes. "I need you to help her wake up, okay? She's one of my best friends… one of my only friends, really. I'm not sentimental all that often, but… I actually miss her begging me not to take away respect points." Paine smiled and wiped at her eyes before the tears could spill over.
Vidina's loud crying woke me up. I looked out the window, squinting in the bright light of mid-morning. I heard Wakka's frustrated yelling and I pushed myself out of bed. The blissful escape of sleep was out of my hands, now, and I had to return to reality.
After a quick shower, I hastily pulled on some jeans and a black t-shirt and made my way downstairs. Yuna was running around in the kitchen, tossing various ingredients into assorted pans on the stove. Wakka was busy cleaning up after Vidina, who was throwing handfuls of his scrambled eggs across the room, yelling loudly. As soon as I entered the room, Yuna stopped her bustling and Wakka stopped cleaning. Both watched me as I approached the counter. I looked back at them in confusion, with fear. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no… nothing's wrong. Would… would you like something to eat?" Yuna asked me cordially. I shrugged and she began to pile food on a plate.
Wakka motioned to me and pointed at Vidina. "See what you are going to have to deal with? Little devil…" I grinned and mussed the little boy's hair. He yelled happily in response.
"It's good to see someone who isn't bothered by the situation." I sat at the table, and Yuna handed the plate to me in silence. "Thanks." Wakka sat with me, and Yuna handed him a plate as well.
The two of us ate, watching Vidina as he made a mess. Yuna actually threatened the little boy with a Stop spell at one point, before she took his eggs away, making him whine. Wakka shook his head. "As much as I love the kid, sometimes I just wanna kill him, ya?"
I grinned and pointed a fork at the little boy, who was watching us with jealousy in his eyes. "You behave and stop stressing Yuna out. Maybe she'll give your food back." Vidina quieted and looked to Yuna patiently, making Wakka choke on his hash browns.
Yuna shook her head and gave the little boy his eggs back. "No more throwing." Then, she placed more plates on the table and sat with us.
I looked at her in confusion. "Why is there an extra setting? One for Tidus, yeah, but… who else? Is Lulu coming home for breakfast?"
Yuna shook her head in disbelief. "I told you that he was coming today! Don't you remember?"
"Who?" I asked. Yuna and Wakka looked toward the doorway. Tidus stood there with a bald man.
I gulped as this bald man stared at me. "… Cid. Yeah… yeah, now that I think about it, you did mention that he would be… here. Today."
Awkward could not completely describe how I felt. See, the word 'awkward' does not imply that there are any accompanying feelings along with the main one of awkwardness. It doesn't include dread, or uncertainty, or even unhappiness, but only that feeling of feeling awkward. And since I was feeling dread, uncertainty, and unhappiness along with the awkward… no words to describe, it. Not one.
The uncomfortable silence that spanned between us as we walked down the streets of Luca toward the hospital… I could deal with it. But then he had to do the evil deed of starting a conversation.
"How you been, boy?" His voice was gruff as ever. His manner was as well.
I shrugged and looked at the ground. "Not so good. You?"
"Not so good myself, actually." He sighed heavily and cuffed me heavily on the back. I took it as a nice gesture, even though it… kinda hurt… a little. "Can I ask you a little question, son?"
I nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "Sure, Cid…"
"Why the hell are you out here when you should be with my daughter and my granddaughter?" he thundered. I cowered away from him awkwardly (indeed). Sailors on the nearby dock turned at the sound of the loud voice that echoed throughout the still mostly empty streets. I'd forgotten that the blitz finals for the season had started a few hours before.
"I… I…"
"Well?"
"Lulu told me that I needed to get some sleep since I've barely slept since I got here, and she told me to go to the house. Last night was the first time in two days that I haven't been with Rikku or my daughter! So… I'm sorry that I might look like I don't care, but I needed both rest and food so that I would be able to stay there all day and night today, as I plan to do." I'd never been scared around Cid. And while I'd been cowering moments before, I wasn't going to stand down to his implied accusations. Let's face it… I was angry, again, and since he wasn't Yuna… I wasn't afraid to speak my mind.
The streets were strangely quiet now. He looked at me with a strange emotion in his eyes. Then he nodded in approval. "That's new…"
I looked at him in confusion as we continued our trek to the hospital. "What is?"
"Both of us being able to talk about a daughter in the possessive sense." I pointed out the building and shook my head.
"That's new, too," I muttered.
He glared at me… at least, I think it was a glare. It was the same look that's always embedded upon his features, in any case… whatever you would call it. "What is?"
"You speaking intelligently." I smiled a bit, in an attempt to 'lighten the mood'. He smacked me across the back of the head as we entered the hospital doors.
I knew without a doubt that he would want to see Rikku first, and so I took him to her without question. I introduced him to Rikku's doctor, whose name I (embarrassingly) didn't remember. Cid remained outside to speak with him while I entered the room.
Lulu was sitting at the bedside, dozing slightly. I walked up behind her a placed a hand on her shoulder, making her jump. "Lu… you can go back to the house… Wakka and Yuna are desperately trying to control your son." I gave her a weak smile. She groaned and wiped the sleep from her eyes.
"Must I leave? He isn't throwing food again, is he?" I grinned at her, and she pushed herself out of the chair. "I'll be back tonight so that you can sleep, okay?"
I shook my head and looked to Rikku. "No, thanks… I… my place is here. Thanks for last night, though, I needed it." She nodded and smoothed Rikku's hair back from her forehead.
"I'll see you soon…" she whispered, before straightening and smiling a bit. "She's got a bit more color today. And her fever went down a bit."
I smiled widely, the first true smile I'd given since I'd first held my daughter. Lulu grinned at me as I sat in her vacated chair, holding Rikku's cool hand. "Thanks, Lulu."
She exited the room as Cid walked inside. My smile faded and I gripped Rikku's hand tightly, almost as if I was begging her to lend me strength, even though I knew she didn't have any reserves to lend.
For the first time in my life, the man who'd lead our people through all the hard times looked absolutely torn. Even when Home had been destroyed, he'd never looked like this. He looked to me and with a little nod, he sat on Rikku's other side.
"My baby girl… I saw her not three weeks ago, and she was looking just fine." He hesitantly took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly.
I stayed silent. I loved her, yes, but I now knew how he felt. His daughter was here, incapacitated and silent… I would give anything for my own baby girl if she was lying here. But there was nothing anyone could do.
Cid couldn't take his eyes off her. "You know what she said to me, last time I saw her?" I shook my head, and he sighed heavily. "'Why are any of you listening to me?'" He closed his eyes and squeezed her hand gently. "She asked us not to tell you just after she arrived in Besaid, the day she told everyone that she was pregnant. And we listened to her, because we thought she wanted it. But really, I think it was a plea for us to tell you so that she wouldn't have to."
I looked away guiltily. "She tried to tell me, I just wasn't listening as closely as I should have."
Cid looked at me and nodded his head. "Everyone makes mistakes, Gippal. And one of mine was not going straight to Djose to tell you about the baby."
"Y'know, Cid… everyone seems to think that I'm angry that she didn't tell me about the baby. I was, at first, but… I'm angrier at myself. I could have been with her, all this time, but… I messed it up. I took her for granted."
He smiled weakly at me. "She said that you mentioned your responsibility to the Machine Faction." I nodded and sat back in my chair. "Well, you didn't mess anything up, Gippal. You do have a responsibility to the Faction, and to your career. Rikku understood that, I think. That's why she left."
"But my first responsibility should have been to her. I love her, Cid." I looked him in the eyes as I said this, and his expression softened. "I love her so much it hurts."
"I'm sure she'd be glad to hear that. I know I am." Cid glanced down at his daughter before looking back at me. "What's your first responsibility now, son?"
I stared down at Rikku and sighed heavily. "Rikku and the baby."
He smiled and walked over to the window. "Good answer." He looked back toward the bed and shook his head, his eyes dark. "I never wanted to see this sight again," he murmured.
I watched him as he watched her, uncertain. "Cid?"
"… my late wife was about eight and a half months pregnant with Rikku when she started having complications." I stared down at Rikku as I listened to the older man talk. "Two days after she went into labor, my little girl was born, healthy and happy. Her mama wasn't so lucky. She… she was in and out of consciousness for a few days. The doctors could slow the process, but they weren't able to stop her from passin'. Rikku never got to know her mama, and there I was, alone with a newborn and a three year old, leading a whole race of people. I didn't do the best job in raising those two, I know, but I know I did the best I could by myself.
"It almost tore my heart into pieces, watching her waste away when she should have been… full of life." He shook his head and wiped at his eyes, which had begun to glisten. "I don't want my baby to end up the same way, is all. But it's too similar for comfort."
I stood uncomfortably. "I… I'm going to go and get the baby. I'm sure you want to see her." I walked out of the room and left him alone with his daughter and his memories. I was more scared now than before. Rikku's mother had died after giving birth… I couldn't stand the thought of fate bestowing the same destiny upon her daughter.
Cid held his daughter's hand once more, closing his eyes, looking for comfort in an upside down atmosphere.
A little girl with dirty blonde hair sat in the sand, surrounded by screwdrivers and wrenches, nuts and bolts. There was a little toy doll not far from where she sat, thrown carelessly into the dune. She appeared to be far more intrigued by the tiny machina she was trying to rebuild.
"Rikku!" Her father sat next to her, and she looked up at him in frustration. "What are you doing, hm?"
"Daddy, this machina won't stay together! I've tried and tried, but it won't stay!" There were little angry tears in her eyes as she threw her screwdriver into the sand.
The man smiled and pulled her into his lap. "Want me to help you fix it?" Rikku's expression brightened as she nodded. He rolled onto his stomach in the warm sands just outside of Home, and patiently showed her how to tighten all the joints and how to properly use a wrench.
After about an hour of working, the little machina suddenly sprang to life, and began whirring and floating a few inches off the ground. The little girl giggled with delight and watched as it flew about over the sands. Then, she threw herself at her father, giving him a big hug.
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you, too, sweetheart."
I returned with my daughter in my arms. It was her first trip out of the nursery, and she was blinking furiously in the bright light from the open windows. I couldn't help but smile down at her as I walked toward Rikku's room.
When I entered, I grinned over at Cid, who instantly stood in an effort to see her. "This is your granddaughter. Gorgeous, ain't she?"
Cid, such a gruff man, was extremely gentle with her. He held her close to him and talked to her in soft Al Bhed, obviously entranced. I watched with a little feeling of pride as I sat next to Rikku. I realized that this was the first time since birth that the baby had been so close to her mother, and I smiled sadly.
Cid caught my look and stopped bouncing the baby for a moment. "What's wrong, kid?"
"What if she doesn't wake up? I wasted all that time in Djose… I love her, and I didn't even chase her because I thought that she'd changed her mind about loving me. If she doesn't open her eyes, I don't know what I'll do. I'm not strong enough to lose her again…"
He held my gaze for a long time. "I'm not strong enough to lose her, either, son."
Three outlooks, one of Cid's favorite memories, a little back-story. I hope you all liked this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews and good feedback. Please, if you have any constructive criticism, I'd greatly appreciate hearing it! Also, I received a review on my other fic, Take It All Away, regarding the whole Al Bhed thing. If you need a good translator, go to Google and search Al Bhed Translators and you'll get a good selection. Just wanted to make that known (Jen, I did post a review on TIAA about that issue, but I wasn't sure if you saw it… I know you read this fic too and I just remembered, so yeah… LOL). In any case, thank you all so much for the reviews! I hope you enjoyed.
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