GRACE love? (Shrugs) Real love hurts; Real love makes you totally vulnerable and open; Real love will take you far beyond yourself; Real love will devastate you!


Eli rolled over onto his side, and listened to his husky breaths, as he lay awake in the stillness of his dark room.

He'd picked Grace up in his arms when her crying had died down, and tucked her underneath her covers- he told Lily and his father that they'd talked and she was feeling better…..…..but was now asleep………and they left it at that.

He rolled onto his back again and stared up at his ceiling- somewhere inside of him he could still hear her crying- could still feel her hot tears on his chest as he held still see her pained eyes as they stared at him, told him she was dying because of what he'd said………

How could he live 3 more weeks in this house………only 3 weeks………knowing how much he'd hurt her and how much she hated him……….how could he say goodbye after three weeks, knowing what he'd done to her?


"Grace?"

She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Jessie's soft whisper.

Grace stared at Jessie as she stood in the kitchen, glass of water in hand, nightgown wrapped around her small body.

"I wanted to talk to you today……..see how you were………" Jessie whispered, walking briskly towards her; she was standing on the last step of the staircase, trying to make a quick and quiet exit.

Grace gave a small nod, "I……….I want to go out for a little while………" she murmured.

Jessie raised a hand to her stepsisters face; her cheeks were cold, like her eyes, her hair was limp and her whole body looked small and warn; she was wearing a black duffel coat that looked too big on her, and denim jeans.

"Where to?" Jessie asked, taking her hand back.

Grace bit her bottom lip and shrugged, "I don't know………just some place quiet………to be alone………to think……….to cry" her last words stuck in her throat and her tone quivered.

Jessie gave a small, understanding nod; "Ok" she murmured, looking down to her feet, unable to look into Grace's sad eyes for a moment longer.

"The park maybe……….or………..the hockey field at school………" Grace mumbled.

"Ok, just make sure your not home too late………" Jessie warned.

Grace nodded and walked past Jessie; who stood and listened as the front door opened and closed, she stood still, glass of water still in her hand; she stood at the bottom of the staircase, thinking how much her brother didn't deserve Grace………..


Eli stumbled into the kitchen, wearing dirty chord pants and a black t-shirt. Jessie lifted her head and scowled at him.

Eli looked down at his feet as he walked to the fridge; he could feel Jessie's anger, and her eyes piercing him.

"So………Philadelphia?" Jessie asked, sipping her coffee.

Eli sighed and turned to her, "what do you want from me, Jess?" he spat.

She looked into her cup and shook her head; "I don't want anything from you!" she replied bitterly, and then looked to her brother, "but I think Grace does………I think she deserves it!"

Eli shook his head slowly and turned back to the fridge.

"She's gone down to the park……….she left really early this morning" Jessie whispered, and Eli turned around.

Jessie slid off the kitchen stool, walking to the sink and emptying the last of her coffee; "I don't condone what you've done to her………but I would hate for you both to live in silence………and then for you to move away and see the look of regret on Grace's face………" she looked at her brother, "whatever you're reasons are for leaving, I suggest you tell her……..because right now she's thinking this is all her fault!"


She was sitting on one of the swings, not moving, sitting perfectly still, head bowed, shoulders slouched……….she looked tragically beautiful.

Eli walked towards her, hands dug deep in his pockets as he ran over what to say in his mind; but as he approached her, looked down at her, no words came to him.

"Jessie?" Grace whispered, not looking up.

Eli nodded, "she said you'd be here" he replied, numbly.

Grace nodded once, and said nothing more; so Eli took it upon himself to occupy the swing next to her, he grabbed the chains and turned so he was facing her.

"Grace…..." he started, but nothing else came, and her name hung in the air like a thick mist……..

"Could you please look at me?" he finally asked, and she did, she lifted her head and Eli's heart stopped as he stared into her sullen, sunken eyes.

"I………I didn't ever want to hurt you," he whispered, finding his voice somewhere deep inside himself.

Grace gave a small nod, "you know what………" she whispered.

"What?" Eli asked, his tone shaky.

Grace took a small breath and composed herself, "somebody once told me that you don't die from a broken heart………" she gave a small, sad laugh, and looked down at her feet, "you only wish you did………" she ended, and Eli sighed.

"I really screwed up, didn't I?"

She met his eyes again, she caw the pain behind them, she saw his apology; but she just didn't care; "you could say that" she replied, bitterly.

"I……..I am sorry Grace………"

"Why?"

"Because I hurt you and………" Eli started, but she cut him off.

"No……..I mean why are you taking this job?" she asked, in a small voice.

"Well because it's a great opportunity, a chance to make something of myself and………."

"Don't give me that Eli!" she suddenly hissed, "this isn't you're dream………working at my father's bookstore was just something you did to prove you were capable and to earn some cash………..it was never a dream or an aspiration for something more………so cut that logical 'dreams of bigger and better things' act, and tell me why?"

He looked to his feet and gave a half laugh, half sigh, "you know……I don't really know why………all I know is that if I didn't take it I'd feel like a failure again………fell like I could have been something and then threw the chance away………I hated feeling like that in high school……… I didn't want to feel like that ever again!"

Grace shook her head and looked into the distance, watched as a few cars drove by, "you were never a failure" she whispered.

"Sure felt like it,………" he replied.

"Why? Because you never lived up to what you're parents wanted you to be?" she asked, turning to him.

Eli looked anywhere but into her eyes, they were too powerful, too sad; "you could say that"

She scoffed at his response, "well I guess now you can be what they wanted you to be………and you can forget about who you wanted to be…….."

"Well so be it…… long as I don't miss out on another great opportunity…….."

"Wasn't I an opportunity?" she suddenly asked.

"Yes……..we were………"

"Were?"

"I'm sorry Grace! I really am……..but I have to go………I have to do this!"

She gave a small nod, "I know" was her only reply.

They sat for a moment, in complete silence, both refusing to look at the other, until finally Grace allowed her thoughts to pour out; "are we………are we still………..together then?" she whispered, not turning to look at him.

Eli said nothing. Being with Grace had always felt so right to him…..…..but now……..after hurting her so badly, did he trust himself to still be with her, and hurt her again when it came time for him to leave after 3 weeks?

Grace finally looked at him, biting her bottom lip; "I'll make this real easy for you Eli……….in the three weeks that we have left before you run away to Philadelphia……..are we going to be a couple, and try to make the most of the time we have left" she felt her eyes stinging, "or……are we really over as of now………as of right now………" a tear rolled down her cheek, "……..is the dream over?"

Eli looked away, off into the distance, avoiding her eyes. He didn't know, he loved her that was for sure. But what was the point if he was just going to leave and hurt her all over again.

"I'm not leaving you………I'm not running away from us,………" he whispered, still refusing to look at her. "But maybe it's best this way………….. To let go of us, before 'us' gets bad"

ELI did I really just say that?

"What makes you think we wouldn't work?" her voice was devastated, sobs were breaking through and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared at Eli's turned face, he didn't want to look at her, for fear that he'd take it all back………take back all the pain just to comfort her.

"Because eventually everything I love and care for will always collapse………..nothing ever goes right for me………maybe by ending this I'm just limiting the inevitable devastation that will come later"

ELI did I really mean that?

Grace slowly stood up, turned around, and started walking home. Eli stayed seated for a moment, watching her walk away, and then he stood aswell and ran after her.

"Grace……….." he started.

She stopped walking, and Eli had to double up on himself so he was standing beside her again- her eyes were blistered with tears and her lip was shaking, like the rest of her.

Her voice was unstable and cold, through clenched teeth she said; "I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I'm going to smile and act like you didn't just crush me!" she started walking again……..Eli didn't try and stop her………he just let her go……..just-like-that.

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how to feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just do

Gimme a lil time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how to feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

And I know I'm not ready,
Maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...


AUTHORS NOTE:

song was Avril Lavigne's: tomorrow.