Danny left Samantha's apartment and sighed heavily. He loved Samantha and Jack way too much to see them both go through this pain.
The next day at work Samantha stepped out of the elevator anxiously. Where would he be; in his office or the bullpen? She regretted not going to see him last night but she figured that they both needed the space. As she passed his office, he stepped out and almost knocked her over. He looked shocked but then his face went blank.
"Good morning Samantha." He walked on and she could have sank to her knees and cried.
As he gave them their briefing on the new case she looked at the table the whole time. Handing out assignments he realised he had shot himself in the foot as the only two left to go on a long drive upstate was him and Samantha. She shot him a quick look as he announced that they'd be leaving right away. Vivian eyed their interaction carefully. As they went their separate ways, Danny gave her shoulder a squeeze in support. He motioned her over to his desk away from everyone else and said quietly,
"Don't worry about Viv and Martin, I told them all about your dad."
Samantha's eyes widened at him so he continued.
"Don't worry; I left out the Jack part!"
She breathed a sigh of relief as he shook his head.
As she left, Martin came up to her cautiously. They were just getting back to being friends again after a hard break up.
"Samantha? Danny told us about your dad and we just want you to know that we're here for you if you need us."
She broke into a warm smile and touched his arm briefly.
"Thanks Martin, I appreciate that. Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys myself but I was just so shocked you know?"
"I understand. I'll see you later. Hope you have a nice journey. Jack sure seems pissed about something." He said light heartedly as he walked away.
She turned on her heels and looked up to the heavens. God save me from this car journey, she prayed silently. The first fifteen minutes in the car were completely silent. Just the occasional long sigh from one of them and it was agony. Finally, Samantha couldn't take it anymore.
"I have your wallet in my bag. I didn't want to say anything before but you left it at my apartment last night."
He nodded and without looking at her said,
"Thank you."
"Jack, come on!" She said, exasperated with the cold shoulder.
"What?"
"Look I'm sorry about what I said, I can't even begin to describe how completely thoughtless and cruel I was to say such a thing."
He swallowed and glanced briefly at her.
"Well, I'm not going to pretend it didn't hurt Sam." He said softly.
She shut her eyes briefly when he called her Sam. She could see light at the end of the tunnel.
"I'm going to go and see my Dad again tonight. You were right about that. He deserves another chance." She said, looking out of the window.
"So do you." He said, grasping her hand tightly. She laid her other hand on top of his and stroked it gently.
"Listen Sam, I don't regret what happened between us the other night. I want us to be together but I think you need to sort things out with your dad first. Starting up again in the middle of an emotional crisis wasn't the best idea."
She nodded slowly.
"We still need to talk about a lot of things. I'm here for you when you're ready."
As Samantha packed up her things that night in the office she noticed her hands were shaking slightly at the prospect of seeing her father once again.
Adam Spade lay in his hospital bed and sighed heavily. His breathing had been laboured today and it didn't help that he could do nothing but think about Samantha. He had been filled with so much hope when she had came to see him. Not that he blamed her for yelling at him but it had still hurt.
As he looked at the photograph that she'd left him he smiled thinking back to those days. He knew he could never get them back but if she would only come to see him again he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her.
"Hi."
He looked up and saw her standing half in and half out of the doorway. She looked like she was trying to decide whether to come in or bolt.
"Hello. Are you coming in?"
She shrugged, rooted to the spot.
"Will you come in if I promise not to be so pathetic this time?"
She smiled and looked down at her feet, wiling them to move on. She sat down in the chair beside his bed.
"I've been thinking a lot about the questions you asked me."
"Dad…."
He exhaled as he heard her say that word. He decided not to make anything of it in case it scared her away.
"No. I was fifteen when I started dating your mother. I was nineteen when I married her and I was twenty one when you were born. I have to tell you that those are ridiculous ages to be getting married and starting a family. Then a few months before I left I had a sort of epiphany. I was almost thirty, doing a job that I hated and living with a woman that I didn't love anymore. The only thing I had was you but I couldn't take you away from your mother."
He sighed as she listened intently.
"I decided to go away and get some perspective. I never intended to go so far. I called the house a million times but hung up as soon as it started to ring. As I'd been gone for longer and longer I realised that it was too late to go back. I burned too many bridges. So I just kept going."
She nodded.
"Well, that I can understand. The need for space; I guess I get that from you."
He smiled at her warmly.
"So, this Jack guy; are you in love with him?"
"Yep, have been for about 3 years I guess. He was married with two children and we had an affair. I mean I could dress it up and say that his marriage was over or that we really loved each other but the real God's honest truth is that we had an affair. He went back to his wife and tried to make things work for the girls but it ended for good a while ago. Since then I've just been waiting for him to tell me he wanted me again. I can be strong dad, but Jack Malone makes me weaker than I've ever been." She said tearfully.
He looked at her hand. It was in reach but he was afraid to hold it. He made a choice and reached for it anyway. She tensed at first but then held onto it for dear life.
"That's what love is sweetheart."
He looked at her carefully and decided to tell her something that could really upset her.
"Samantha I want to tell you something. Your mother doesn't know. About a year after I left, I met a woman named Angela. She was amazing. We lived together for fifteen years. Never felt the need to get married I guess. She knew all about my past and she was so accepting."
Samantha breathed an inward sigh of relief. She wasn't mad as he thought she might be. She had hoped that he had spent those years with someone. That he hadn't just been drifting alone. His eyes became misty as he spoke.
"She died of cancer seven years ago. That's why I'm so glad that you have found a love that you can believe in. Because eventually I did and I know how precious that is."
Samantha became tearful at the sight of him upset and she got up. Holding onto his hand she perched on the side of the bed and hugged him as best she could.
"Oh sweetheart you don't know how much I've wanted to hold you in my arms like this. I'm so sorry that I let you down. You and your mother deserved so much more than what I left you with."
She pulled back but still held onto him. Looking into his eyes she said,
"Dad, I wouldn't change my past for anything. Because everything I've been through has taken me to this moment. And even though I'm crying, I'm probably the happiest I've ever been. I have you back, I have mom and I have a wonderful man who loves me in Jack. Those are things I didn't think I would have not so long ago."
He pulled her to him again and then held each other quietly for a long time.
Finally she pulled away and said,
"I know we can't fix things over night but I want you to know that I really want to give us a chance. I've missed you and I think that there are still good times to be had."
"I agree." He said, stroking her cheek softly as she smiled at him.
"So, do you like being in the FBI?"
She took a breath. That answer used to come easily to her but this time it seemed to stick in her throat. After a second she said,
"Yeah, it's still good." She said not quite believing it and her father not quite believing her either.
She stayed and talked with her father until visiting hours were over. She tucked him in and kissed him goodnight. She left him to drift off to sleep and he felt like the king of the world.
As she walked home it was preying on her mind about how long it took her to answer him. She realised that deep down she now knew that her job was the only barrier left between her and the love of her life. She wondered how easy it had become to disconnect herself from something she had wanted so much.
She went into the park and sat down on the nearest bench. Across from her she watched a family walk together. There was a small boy walking with his father and the mother was carrying a new born baby in one of those slings. They were laughing and the father scooped up his son and put his arm around his wife, kissing her tenderly.
Samantha looked away and smiled. She realised that was what she wanted. Not chasing criminals, not getting shot and certainly not being separated from Jack by a job. She made up her mind to resign. She had no idea what she was going to do instead but somehow it didn't matter.
It was going to take a big change for the two of them to be together and she was going to be the one to make it.
