Chapter 5

I know what you're thinking. This is the chapter that is supposed to start out with me saying something like

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ALBUS!"

Or

"I CAN'T WORK WITH THAT GIT"

But no, not this time. You see I had mentioned previous that I had a yummy plate of Weasley food that was NOT going to get cold. I sat in the study and munched happily while Snape paced and waited for our whiskery, bespeceled leader.

"Must you smack your jowls so loudly, Ms. Tonks? I swear, I would think I was in a cow barn the way you carry on…"

He opened that door…

"I think the cow barn likeness is probably brought on by the stench of your over coat. Why don't you take that thing off, Snape? It's quite warm in here. You must be sweating your arse…"

I just walked right through it.

"This overcoat IS the proper attire for a man befitting my position. You, however, looked like you stepped out of a fight with a patchwork quiltand the quilt won decisively."

I had to laugh at that.

"Yeah, 'tis what it 'tis. I happen to like my patches."

" And I happen to like my overcoat."

With that, Snape whipped off his cape like coat and hung it over one of the rickety old chairs that seemed to be in every nook of this old place. I swear rickety old chairs at Grimmald Place must be like single socks in my drawers. Wherever you see one, there are twenty out there just waiting to show themselves.

At the time, I was more concerned with the fact that Snape had taken my suggestion. I was about to make a comment when I noticed that he had stopped pacing and had sat down. Then, I saw something I think I had never seen before. He placed his elbows on his knees and held his head with his hands, causing the sleeves of his worn out shirt to pull upwards, exposing much of his forearms. Most would be interested in seeing the elusive "dark mark" that he tried to keep hidden. I was interested in the forearms themselves. I was expecting toothpicks, not the competent limbs that cradled an obviously troubled head.

"Blimey, Severus. What's got you all tied up in knots?"

Then a suprizing thing happened. He pulled his hands through his hair and looked up at me with an expression that I could at the time figure out. Half embarrassment and half sadness. It was an odd look and one that I was about to ask about when Dumbeldore stepped through the door. Snape and I both bolted up out of respect for him, which was kind of silly since he was like a father/grandfather to most of us.

"Ah, there you are. Sometimes, even I still get lost in this place. Severus. Tonks, so good to see you."

We both mumbled our thanks, although I would like to think that I did it a good deal more congenially than Snape.

" Please, sit down. There is no need to stand on my account, Severus I have told you this many times."

We both sat, myself with a smirk and Severus with an eyeroll.

" Now, you must be wondering why I have kept you waiting. I have received news from the W.B.I in America. (Wizarding Bureau of Investigations, for those of you not in the know. Apparently the WBI and Muggle authorities work very closely together. In fact, Muggles and Wizards are much more incorporated than in the UK and Europe. Sometimes, I wish that would happen here, but in the birthplace of Wizards, the old snobbiness still reign. Enough of an aside, back to the story) has received a tip from the F.B.I about threats against celebrities by muggle crazies as well as wizards. Apparently, attempts were made on several B-movie actors and actresses, although none of these caused any real physical harm…."

"Who were they, Albus?" I interjected.

"Hemph, uh, well Tonks, I believe that the names were Paul Lee Shore and Dick Greico"

I lost it

"AHAHA! Oh my, of course they weren't harmed. They had to have been practice runs. Pauley Shore and Richard Greico haven't done anything worthwhile in years!"

"That may be the case, Tonks, but their minds had quite a shock. They are currently in a facility undergoing rehabilitation."

I jumped in again. I know its mean to talk bad about those in therapy, but it was too easy.

"There probably wasn't much of a mind to rehabilitate, but I wouldn't worry. Hollywood is full of "rehabilitation centers". Heck you can't even throw a rock without hitting one."

At that comment, Snape smirked. SMIRKED! AT A COMMENT THAT I MADE! SNAPE FOUND IT FUNNY! I was about to continue my comedy rant, when Albus got the conversation back on track.

"Nymphadora, if you don't mind, I would like to tell you why we need you."

Ok, Ok, I'll stop.

"Getting back to the point, many celebrities are aware of the threats against them and have been receiving threats. Many of these threats are arriving in the guise of invitations. As you know Tonks and as you may not know, Severus, celebrities receive these for awards shows and various functions around Los Angeles. Their staff have been opening these letters and symbols have been blasted onto the walls, much like a signal in light (I took this to mean like the Bat Signal). The shape has been of a skull with a snake exiting the mouth."

Both Snape and I jerked our heads up at the mention of the Dark Mark. I noticed Snape's hand shooting to his forearm before remembering and placing his hands in his lap.

"Naturally, celebrities are aware of the troubles that we are having 'across the pound'. They want protection and action. They are also willing to pay handsomely for it. Naturally I turned down the money, but they insisted on paying the agents. That is why I selected you two."

"Albus, just tell us what in Hades we are going to be doing. I have papers to grade…"

"Yes, Severus, I was just getting to that. I know that you don't make very much as a teacher, and unlike the rest of the Hogwarts staff, you have no home outside of the school. I'm giving you this position so you can start on your 'retirement plan'?" Albus said with a smile.

Snape's jaw was to the floor. I, on the other hand, was interested. I could kill two birds with one stone. Work for the order while working for the stars and getting paid TWICE for it. Tonksie-baby you are going to be rolling in it!

"I'm in Albus, what do we have to do"

Both Snape and Albus stared at me as I was practically jumping out of my seat.

"I knew that you would be excited about this, Tonks, but it's not all fun and games. Another reason that I chose the both of you was for, ah, some similarities that you have to certain 'movie stars'….."

Yet again, Snape lost it.

"Hang on just one bloody minute, Albus! I know I'm not the most attractive man on the planet, but for god's sake! Do you expect me to believe that there is a movie star in America that looks like me? I can understand your need for Ms. Tonks, but whatever can I do? I'm not glamorous, attractive, suave, people-savvy, media-savvy. The list goes on for miles! "

Actually, I had guessed who the actor was and Albus just smiled at the haggard potions master.

"Severus, Severus you sell yourself short. There is actually an actor in America that resembles you. I believe that Tonks already has a guess, but I was wondering if you had a clue. Do you, Severus?"

"NO, DAMMIT! NOW TELL ME WHO IT IS"

I began to giggle as Dumbledore calmly stated, with that patented twinkle in his eye.

"His name is Adrien Brody"