Coop x Kiva (later) (it's just something about fat guys, I guess)

Disclaimer: Megas XLR and all subsequent concepts are property of whoever owns them…and that's not me. I'm not making any more profit from this than I would selling ice to Eskimos, so please don't sue me. If you are reading this, and you own Megas…could you get me a date with Coop?

"Oh, yeah. I'm the man." Coop folded his arms over his ample stomach and smirked at the smoking wreckage of what had a few minutes earlier been an invading alien robot.

In the passenger seat beside him, Jamie allowed himself the effort of raising his eyebrows and saying, "Yeah. That totally rocked."

There was a moan from the back seat. "Why?" said Kiva as she buried her face in her hands. "Why must you be so hard on my robot?"

"Um, excuse me, my robot, okay? Now, who's for lunch? I'm starving!"

"Aw, don't be so hard on her, Coop. She was the pilot of this thing before you ever were."

Kiva looked up. Jamie, defending her? She smiled at him, and thought that it would be nice to have one friend in this primeval metal jungle.

"Wait, Megas is from the future, right?" said Coop. "So, technically, I piloted this thing before Kiva. Ha! Gotcha there!"

Jamie chuckled, and Kiva sighed.

It was a typical day in Jersey City. Or was it…?

That night, as so many others before it, found Jamie and Coop in Coop's basement. Coop was tearing up a game and devouring Doritos between levels. Even the X-Box controller looked small in his hands, but his skilled fingers never made a mistake. Jamie leaned against the arm of the couch and leafed through a comic magazine, pausing at the pictures of Halle Barry as Catwoman.

"Ya know…" said Jamie, "Kiva…"

"What about her," said Coop. He was focused on the world of the game.

"She's pretty hot."

"Red?" Even as he said her nickname, Coop's face took on the slightest shade of that same color. "Yeah, she's hot."

"I mean," Jamie continued, "she's a babe from the future and I spend all day fighting aliens with her—"

"I spend all day fighting aliens," muttered Coop.

"—and she's living right upstairs in the same house. I'm saying, what did I do to deserve this awesome luck? Or did the universe finally decide to recognize how great I am and pay me the homage that is my due?"

"Huh."

"So I'm just letting you know, don't be surprised if you walk in one day and Kiva's panties are laying on the floor and you hear—"

"Hey, shut up, Jamie. Don't talk about her like that."

Jamie laughed. "C'mon, Coop. It's just Red."

"Aw, lookit what you made me do, man. You killed me." Coop slapped his knee and glared at Jamie.

"I didn't kill you. You just got so distracted by thinking about Kiva naked—"

"Shut up, man!"

"Don't worry. If you stay off those slurpie things for a week or two and save the money you would have spent, you'd have enough for a lap dance. 'Course for you, they might charge extra."

"You can keep your girls, Jamie. I've got all I need—my games, my food, and my mech. That's enough for me."

Jamie sighed and shook his head. "I don't like seeing you like this, man. It's not right."

"There's nothing wrong with me, Jamie," Coop said as he continued his game.

"Three years is a long time, especially for a girl like Andrea."

Coop's finger on the fire button was moving too fast for the human eye to see.

"Dude, I think you're gay."

Coop threw his arms up and yelled, "I'm not gay! I just hate women! Dangit, you made me die again!"

"Okay," said Jamie. "Cough, cough, queer!"

"Do you really wanna become a permanent part of the pavement?"

"Hey, guys. What's going on?"

The boys turned to the doorway and stared. Kiva was standing with one hand on the door frame and the other resting on her hip. But that wasn't why they stared. They stared because she was wearing a short denim skirt over her tan, muscled legs, and a low-cut, short-sleeved purple shirt.

The boys stood up. "Hi, Kiva."

"Hi, Kiva."

Kiva looked down at her outfit. "What's wrong? Is this not okay? Is the skirt okay?"

"I think you should go a little shorter," said Jamie.

"Really? I don't know…"

"You look fine, Kiva."

She smiled. "Thanks, Coop." Then she turned to Jamie. "Are you ready to go?"

"Huh? Where we goin'?" asked Coop.

Jamie shook his head. "Coop, Coop, Coop. You are not going anywhere. Kiva and I are going to the Dragon Palace for dinner. On a date."

"Uh, well…"

Coop interrupted whatever Kiva was trying to say. "A date! What? You're like…a date?"

"Sure, man. It's this thing where a guy takes a girl out, and afterwards they kiss and stuff. You should try it some time."

"Yeah, about that kissing thing, I think maybe we have different customs where I come from…"

"When did this happen?" Coop dropped his controller in disbelief.

"Well, I guess you've just been out of it so long you don't notice the flames of hot romance sparking around you. Don't worry about it. Tell you what, you just sit here and play your games and I'll bring you back a box of those fried donut things with the sugar on 'em." Jamie leaned closer to Coop and whispered, "And then I will fill you in on all the details." He straightened up. "Are you ready, gorgeous?"

"Um…what if the Glorft attack while we're gone?"

"Aw, Coop can handle it. Anyway, Kiva, you deserve a break. Being the brains behind Megas has got to be pretty taxing."

Kiva sighed. "I guess you're right. Coop, you'll come get us if anything happens, right?"

"Yeah, sure. Ha…Have fun, you guys."

"See ya, Coop." Jamie waved goodbye, and the couple walked out the door.

"Uh, Jamie?" Coop called.

Jamie stuck his head back in. "Yeah?"

"Could you bring me back a fortune cookie too?"

To be continued in Chapter 2!